Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Satan Created Magento

I prefer Objective-C over Swift

I think i suck has a programmer when i look at other programmers. Somehow, even if my code suck, i make it work and it meets the clients demands, always. The clients think im a very good prommamer because they dont understand shit, and only care about the front end. Been like that for 10 years now.

I failed an easy coding question in a job interview but managed to fully reverse engineer and document the algorithms in a 30 year old video game written in 6809 assembly, with no assistance.

Telesketch iPhone App
Play Telesketch
A multiplayer, drawing game from the idiot behind Coding Confessional.
Programming should be about finding elegant solutions to complex problems. My job is mostly about papering over the cracks with inelegant solutions to problems that should never have existed.

I ended up in computer science because I realised I was not good enough to do Mathematics.

I refactored old, stupid code wrote ages ago and screwed up this months release. I am not even sorry.

This app makes accounts for roughly 25% of my suicidal thoughts.

I namespaced stuff properly and it actually surprised me later

What the fuck is this code convention called?

I love functional programming in Haskell, but I have no idea what a monolith is.

To my employer at US: Bitch better have my money...

I enjoy deleting other people's code. The more code, work and effort they have put into it, the more I enjoy it. I'm talking about useless code like where a library should have been used instead of writing the code from scratch, or some pointless software pattern has been blindly followed when really all that was needed was one or two simple lines of code. I delete all their code and replace it with the (arguably more readable) minimal code.

I hate it when people assign a value to a variable, immediately test it, and then never use the variable again. Same thing when people assign a variable and then immediately return it. Just test/return the value directly. Goddammit.

Just saw a Sr. Architect position listed with a salary of $40K.

I've stopped fighting to get priority on my devops tasks. Now I just file a ticket and let it languish until the inevitable production failures occur. Maybe a few more avoidable failures will embarrass management into giving a shit.

I once logged 4 billable hours on an update which took 15 minutes for a client who was being incredibly painful.

I used an exception for flow control

Fuck all of you Son of a bitch And just go to 自慰

Guys I'm sorry, I'm the one who posted that techies are poison to humanity. Actually, I just hate myself, and I am a 'techie' I suppose. The world is what we make of it and I'm the one who sometimes spreads poison because I have issues. On behalf of commenters to this post, fuck me. I'll try to be better.

I'm always being accused by my colleagues of posting on here. They can go piss up a rope, the fucksticks.

I hate one of my coworkers; he's snobby, loud, and has the social interaction skills of a dead badger. But by god if he doesn't write the most beautiful code I've ever seen, and it only makes me hate him more.

I writed to my PM "...bug is deployed to live..."

If I had a chocolate muffin for every time I've thought "what idiot coded this POS.... oh right...." I'd be the size of the planet