Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I write preprocessor macros for fun.

Mobile development is awful and drives me crazy. I'm surprised how many apps are out there.

I never upgraded that last app on Heroku to Rails 3.2.11.

On the inside, I believe that all open brackets should not have a line to themselves.

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I am finally ready to code after a really nice BM this morning.

I confess i am trying to copy the code off this site.

I prefer to debug with echo/prints/puts/console.log rather than an actual debugger.

I rant here every time I want to flush my boss's head in the toilet. And that happens every 15 minutes when he comes to my desk and says 'So, how's it going' Every 15 fucking minutes

I secretly like matlab.

It's soo bad humanizer says I'm not human...

Every release cycle, development highlights areas of code that desperately need refactoring. Every release cycle, management promises that we will get time "in the future" to do these critical refactors. Instead, our time is eaten by new features that we "promised" (sales promised) would be delivered to customers by a certain date, and the refactor time turns into "hack new fucking features in" time. The product has deteriorated into a Frankenstein monster full of code smells so bad that it makes Cthulhu's asshole seem like a bouquet of roses in comparison. These last minute features make the code hacky-er, which leads to more bugs, which leads to more hacks to fix those bugs, etc. etc.. I swear, if I have to check in one more last minute feature request hack, I'm going to quit.

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JavaScript still sucks

Gentlemen, As I have stressed several times this year (and last) we MUST meet every deadline on our projects. This is not negotiable.

I have to work with in-house javascript framworks written by one of my colleague. His code is a mess and there is zero doc. I'm considering rewriting the app using Express and Ember on my free time then present it to the boss one day to try and get that sucker fired.

Agile, scrums boards, epics, yodiz, what the fuck ever. I want to do my work, not list every single fucking thing I've done. The work is there on the screen, you can see what I've done! FUCK THIS!

That new Mozilla logo looking like "moz://a" is ugly as sin and needs to die ASAP.

I feel more like a janitor than a developer. 90% of what I do is clean up other people's shit. Just today I extracted a function from over fifteen copy-pasted code blocks that only differed in two parameters (plus some unintentional differences), but what's the point when those people will not learn a single damn thing and just keep doing it? It feels like the codebase goes to shit the moment I look away. It's a never-ending depressing battle.

I really want a vacation but I'm scared of how much shhtuff will be piled on to the "pile of shhtuff" while I'm gone. I'll never be able to keep up.

my company lost thousands of dollars because of inversion of trust issue caused by javascript callbacks.

The only experience I gain from my shitty job Is useless because it is in Smalltalk, but I enjoy the language. I'm not sure if it's actually a good language or if I'm contracting some sort of programming stockholm syndrome.

The only reason I teach coworkers things is because I don't want to work with incompetent people.

When my boss asks me what I feel about our company growth and I say: "pretty well" - though the company has a lot of crappy people who just don't care and new hires are based on a "jobs-for-the-boys" policy.

My non-coder gamer friends that knew I did code back in HS/college used to bug me to make bots/trainers/etc for the games they played. eventually I got annoyed enough and "caved" a few times. In the code for their little programs I would leave a surprise. Once certain conditions were met (usually several weeks to a couple months later) the program would deliberately get them banned. Usually by spamming chat in-game or by injecting open-ended rsn packets to look like a DDoS attack on the server. They still don't know I intentionally got them banned for annoying me.

Every time I'm asked why I'm seeking new employment when I'm already employed I think really hard as to why they ask so that I can lie about the reasons I'm leaving in a way that will make me a more attractive applicant. I hate lying, but isn't that what they're really asking for? I mean, we all know the real answer to that question 100% of the time is "asshole boss".