Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Nobody here reads the git logs. So I've started adding things about my coworkers to my commits: "...after fixing a bug in the user class. I wish Mark would stop bringing in Indian food for lunch. It reeks in here."

I went into IT for the money, now I find myself writing code on the weekends for fun.

If I can write 'Hello World,' I put it on my resume.

I feel really bad for Apple users.

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When my issues in issue trackers are marked as low priority I die a little inside.

My websites are based on templates, but I say I designed them.

Half the coding I do is just C and P. Or X and V, if you want to get technical.

I work in "cyber security" but I still use 'password' as the password for most of my personal accounts.

Everyone in my office (except myself) is WAY too cool to work on a pc, so when they ask if it works in Internet Explorer, the answer is always 'yes.'

I've kept all of the source code I wrote from all of the companies I've ever worked at.

I command tab away from reddit to my terminal anytime I hear someone walking nearby.

Was lazy to implement a set of new features for a client. Did it later that week instead.

I regularly use "magic numbers" in my algorithms.

I have 3 work-related presentations in my network drive. And 148 animated gifs of cats and people falling over.

I name my variables things like var1 and var2 or some_name

Sometimes I write code before tests.

I almost always name temporary variables 'tmp'.

I think everyone's code sucks but mine.

I've knowingly pushed code with inconsistent whitespace.

My IDE was indenting with tabs instead of spaces.

Goddamn it I'm tired of resolving everything through the dependency injection container. I'm just going to call new on this object and be done with it.

i knowingly ship insecure software

I always google the things I need instead of referring to the documentation.

I don't test..........

I come from Java and Python. I think frontend web development is scary and hairy. I don't know how people manage to create gnarly yet hacky things out of it. I'm tempted to blog in plaintext so I don't get distracted by all these web conventions.