Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Why am I supposed to pretend the ceo is infallible when he makes just as many mistakes, if not more, than everybody else at the company2

When my boss asks me to work late to finish something early/"on-time", I come in late the next morning by the same amount of hours it took me to finish the task last night.

Ostrich Driven Security (ODS) is a phenomenon when corporate IT security administrators keep blocking anything that could potentially be "unsafe" without understanding what their users need or how much blocking something would interrupt users work. As if they "buried their heads in the sand".. or maybe "pushed their heads up their arse"

Why should I be expected to "crunch" and work harder without getting paid any more?

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My career strategy is comprised of 1) brown nosing top-tier managers 2) exclusively talk in buzzwords and fluff 3) throw colleagues under the bus when my work isn't done on time. It works better than it should, even after everyone has realized I don't actually know or do anything. Hopefully, I'll be promoted to management soon.

don’t tell me you have a great idea for an app

I write shitty code when I’m under pressure

I inherited responsibility for an important new feature, originally written by a "senior dev" (more of an exec) complete with drunken typos, mix & matched styles/conventions, compiler warnings, and cowboy code that only nominally resembles OOP. My working on it has been a good opportunity to showcase my ability, but now I'm the "owner" of the feature and I'm completely embarrassed to have my name attached. He's started on other new features, that undoubtedly will be passed my way after he's gotten bored/frustrated with the mess he's made. Management won't consider redoing any of it properly because It Works™

Alone, I do not have the will to accomplish anything whatsoever.

I hate morning scrum meetings.

I've been doing assembly language programming for a while. Damn, it feels so good and fresh.

I'm out of vodka. What should I do?

Lying on my deathbed, I will think back on that license checking code and realize it was all worthwhile. Truly the pinnacle of human achivement. Fuck off.

I would excel at a greenfield project, and have enough experience to build a robust modern system while following best practices should a good opportunity become available. But maintaining legacy spaghetti pays the bills. I'm starting to grow complacent and dead inside.

A Russian guy at work is pissed because the documentation guy points out his missing 'a's and 'the's all the time. It's pretty entertaining. Wonder if they even realize they do that...

Had an interview with a small tech company. Everything sounded pretty good until we started talking culture and average day to day life. I was told they don't allow people to out of the office to eat because they want them to eat in the office "as one big family". I declined a second interview.

Autonomous weapons aren't the problem the AI. The problem is creating something that outclasses us in every way, and making ourselves irrelevant. That will never end well. Absolutely no malice required.

I have been "fixing" this stupid problem ALL DAY!!!, I made it work 1 time, it was glorious, then changed something, and it won't work again!!!, I know I wasn't dreaming when I saw it working!... why don't you work again?, why did I have to "polish" after my first success? oh, don't know what else to mutate...

Countries racing to become "AI leaders"... an advanced AI would at least be smart enough to realize that countries are pretty fucking irrelevant on the whole if the end result is to get us all killed, and not take part.

I just realized something today. Over the past 10 years I've worked at several different companies... and at every one of them I've seen more managers (from line manager all the way up to CIO) fired than anyone else.

Does anyone have an idea of a career that developers can move into with crap experience but good money? I can't stand this shit but don't know what kind of career I can have.

Fuck it I'm going to just do Wordpress. This shit sucks

Code Golf is a way of telling the world you're a virgin and will die alone.

Refuse to put money into AI-related fields. Give us another 100 years at least, you fuckers. Then the current gen will have time to die.