Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

"I am very tempted to close this as 'not a bug' as it works as designed." Fuck you. I bet you're one of those people who thinks that Johnny Walker Blue Label is "a good scotch".

You are not a programmer. You drag and drop forms and feed the results into some shitty little database. You are no architect. Accept your fucking monkey pay and shut the fuck up.

Scrum is just a way for management to keep employees constantly stressed out so that they shit out code faster. Anyone who falls for it deserves it. Stand up for yourselves for once.

I used to slack very nicely on my open office desk, away from mofos making me pretend to work... But, now there was a reorganization and fuck!! I got assigned just to the side of the software manager... damn! how I'm I supposed to visit coding confessional, to watch videos, to read stupid things??? I'm surrounded now, to my left the software manager, to my right a young committed guy. What is a slacker to do?

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Python's package management is so bad its gone from hilarious to sad. Basically the entire community has given up on being able to adopt something half as decent as npm so they've settled for poor man's vms. And they cant even standardize on which poor man's vm to use, not to mention even those often break the user-system boundary and end up breaking themselves. Oy vey the number of times i read sudo pip install...

Should hover detection belong to the rendering system of my SDL game?

Pretty much all normal and well adjusted corporate workers have been conditioned to be politically correct and unoffensive in the workplace. This has forced HR to step it up and police every single piece of speech that has the *potential* to be somewhat offensive. This is a just a shitty attempt for them to justify their worthless jobs, especially when there's software out there that automates 90% of what HR does anyway.

I didn't do any frontend projects for over a year now and for a current project I have to (BE and FE).. and they want me to use Gulp. I fucking HATE "tooling". So much. So very much. I spent 2,5 days setting up this whole nvm npm gulp sass git whatsoever shit to get all dependencies working, solve errors, organize folders and files .. just to have a working index file on my localhost saying "hey there!" with a blue test background to see if my scss overrides work :-D I am done. I feel like I already worked 4 weeks on that project.

I use racism to my advantage when pricing freelance projects. I bid in between whatever is the most expensive Indian / Pakistani / Chinese bid and the average western bid.

I feel so much better after starting to lift again. I really wish I didn't take years off to focus on being a cubical faggot.

I am forking some background work in my api process to speed up login -- even though I know this is a bad idea and that I should use a real background job queue.

I keep wondering if Google is full of androids like Zuckerberg. What is it like to be so smart yet so inhuman?

There's a reason companies like interns: they are cheap, don't complain, and no real loss if they disappear. Just like GIs in WW2. Never assume companies have altruistic motives.

It is my last day (3 hours left) - I just saw the pm assuming I'm available for 16 hours in current sprint...

How many sysads does it take to change a lightbulb? What do you mean he already changed it?

I wonder how great our gene pool would be now if everyone with CEO tendencies had been sterilized over the last 1000 years.

Is it a strict business rule that the vast majority of management be borderline retarded?

Surest sign of shit code: Functions that do 'foo = ...', followed immediately by 'return foo'.


Squads and tribes - our new Agile overlords!

Ive got so many db dump puns I wanna say that I guess they were all backed up.