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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess
I constantly correct spelling and grammar errors in comments.

I usually ignore code reviews for weeks, although I have nothing to do.

All of my unit test strings come from the lyrics to Bob Marley's "Babylon System". Tell the children the truth!

Sometimes I wish I didn't know how to code, so that I can become an IT consultant who makes 10x what I make...

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I don't understand Quicksort. If I had to sort something without resorting to external libraries, I'd build a bloody binary tree and shove everything in it.

I sometimes use git stashes instead of branches and keep track of what's on which stash on a post-it note. I then look on in horror of what I've done, zip it, fix it, and promise never to do it again. And then I do it again next week.

I love everything about my career (IT Engineering) but coding...

While I'm getting better about this, I still handroll a lot of my data structures and (in the case of games) engine code, even when a good library exists.

Next week I'm starting a new job as a lead software engineer, but I've never had any software engineering job before.

I don't have a degree in computer science.

My commit messages are just links to memes that describe (poorly) what I did. http://i.qkme.me/3t32nl.jpg

My coworker posted server credentials in code to github and I didn't say anything because I didn't like him. He got fired.

I want to get into software development; but I am too lazy to actually learn anything on my own.

I make my code as complicated and unreadable to my co-workers as possible... on purpose...

Sometimes I write SQL directly in the database layer of my codebase rather than creating stored procedures.

So far I've made 50 memes this week when I could have been writing code. It's Thursday.

I write terrible half-ass custom apps at the whims of executives, tell them it's going to be "ugly" if they want it by [deadline] and knowingly leave out sensible user responses and error messages.

I use a random number generator to provide estimates to my PM.

I've coded a responsive website with 150 different breakpoints.

Always set body {display:none !important} for all IEs

I filtered out files that weren't the right type to process by trying them all and skipping any that threw an exception.

I can draw complex models with 100's of thousands of points to a screen........but i still can draw a simple quad to a screen

I hate IDE's, Emacs & Vim as well. I wrote my own text editor a dozen years ago and lost the source code. I hide it from everyone else and secretly believe it's the best editor ever. Worst of all, instead of planning to switch to something mainstream I am quietly plotting to write another one.

I literally just found out how to use the debug feature in Eclipse. This is after 4 years into college and almost a year into my first programming job.

It takes people so long to get everything set up at my new job that I'm probably going to spend about a week faffing about on the internet before I can be of any use to anyone.