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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess
I work at about 10% capacity at my full time job because I don't like what my company does

I can't help but check to see if a developer has correctly encoded outputs to prevent <script type='text/javascript'>alert('xss');</script> attacks.

Due to issues in Chrome, we've actually recommended that our users switch back to IE for a while.

I've coded in C, C++, Javascript, PHP, Python, and Ruby. I still can't figure out how to even read Objective-C.

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I survived a quantum bogosort.

I once deleted all the users' password hashes on a large website because I left off a WHERE clause.

I only know how to do linear searches, and I 'optimize' by culling the input data determined by parameters done through... you guessed it, earlier linear processing.

I left the password's field unencrypted in the production db on the written orders from my boss.

I love Apple, because people pay twice the price for everything I do. Just because .. Apple.

My boss is an electrical engineer who thinks he 'knows code', and then tries to explain simple algorithms to me.. poorly. I've begun implementing his broken ideas, just because I'm tired of arguing with him.

My python code has few comments because I don't want someone who can't understand it to change it.

I think that adapt the code for old version of the browsers motivates people to NOT update their browser.

I never submitted those TPS reports

I spent 5 minutes writing a function, 15 minutes finding a good name for the function and 25 minutes adding comments that nobody will ever read because I'm the only developer of the project.

I don't drink the corporate koolaid and believe that we're all superlative, special programmers that deserve all the food and toys we're showered with.

As the person implementing things, I have far more sway over the design of this game than any of the design team

I use ORDER BY RAND()

I hate every language other than my first language

I tell my boss complex stories about coding to have more time finishing a task

I hate mySQL but I systematically choose it over SQL Server in replication intensive scenarios just to get back at one DBA who won't participate into our scrum process.

One of my former team members was a terrible person and an even worse developer. I frequently had to rewrite his awful code. When he interviewed at another company and they called me for a reference, I told them how he was an amazing developer and co-worker just to make sure he would leave. It was an awful thing to do, but I did it for my team and my company as well as me.

I hate sharing my code between team members, because I know they will ruin it.

I put spyware in the latest release of my Python library.

I am just the tip of the ice-bug.

When a client is shitty, we bill them for extra hours of testing that never actually happens.