Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

To determine if a save button should be disabled, I wrote a multi-line conditional statement in the negative with the action in the else (and nothing in the first part). This made it readable. I had a version in the positive with the statement in the first part, but I could not follow the logic the following day (so I rewrote it). i.e. IF everything is FALSE THEN do nothing ELSE do something ENDIF

I wish my boss would stop promising the client moon cheese without first checking with his programmer (me) to see if I can build a rocket (or at least, if the moon is even made of cheese). And then underbidding by a factor of 10.

I spend an inordinate amount of time writing code to browse Reddit from the Command Line to make it look like I am actually doing work when I am browsing Reddit.

Sometimes I add empty for loops to code so that I can remove them later to "improve performance."

Telesketch iPhone App
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Before I learned how to deal with dates properly, I created a bug which caused cinema listings to be off by one hour for a week after each Daylight Saving Time changeover on a popular website. Sorry.

If I have two objects on screen at one time and they need to communicate with each other, I use public properties and methods. I don't use event listeners up to the parent container. I do this because it makes tracing the code painful.

If something is running slow, my first response is always, "Sounds like a hardware problem to me."

You know how people say that the top coders are ten times as productive? I'm one of those guys, except instead of outperforming everyone, I just play games, read web pages and goof off most of the time. Then I keep up with my workload by occasionally doing a couple of hours of actual work.

I have deep knowledge in theoretical basis of functional programming, and I hate all the known practical applications of it for the same reason.

I rarely delete code. I just comment it and forget to remove it when I'm done.

More than once I've paid a contractor for crappy code and then rewrote the thing myself anyway.

I once created a variable called "datas2", because it wasn't just one data, it was a collection of datas - and it was the second collection of datas!

I once called a method in the presenter from the codebehind in an ASPX project I was working on.

I've never seen the need to use an algorithm that wasn't brute force.

I'm a manager now...

I was asked to make an app that runs on IE6 and the iPad (Mobile Safari). Quoth the client, "HTML5 does that, right?" Quoth the boss, "Sure." The app had to play a video and trigger animations on screen (so pop up text items, which could be encoded into the video, but aren't because it's easier to change later). Google told me this apparently simple task was impossible. I did it in 24 hours.

I hate documentation, and much of my code is simply undocumented. I have a negative bus factor, I am the only one with certain knowledge, and the only one that knows how all of our systems fit together.

I added fields to a .NET form (and database) using Notepad, logged in through Remote Desktop shared over a gotomeeting screen share. In the production environment.

I am extremely bored writing C# code, but I do it anyways because the pay is so good.

I put my colleague onto a dummy branch and do his coding with the rest of the team, he does not know.

I regularly parse HTML with regular expressions. And it feels good.

In javascript, for some reason, a scenario might happen randomely once every 100 tries depending on the mouse pattern and some other s*hit user does. I created a variable called var somethingWrong = false; and when that particular "scenario" occured, I just gave somethingWrong = true and aborted the whole thing.

After a few years of coding I still don't know how to write objective code in Javascript.

After 2 years of using Vim, I still use the arrow keys.

I work for a logistics company and accidentally dropped the "stops" table out of production.