Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I am a woman too. I really enjoy it when men try to impress me with their coding skills. What I like the most is watching them speak about their achievements for hours and then showing them my cool hobby projects. Some of them fall in love, the others just hate me. I love it when they hate me. :)p

I am a Backend Developer. I am intimidated by CSS and Javascript.

I can't counter stupid arguments. I prefer getting paid for shipping useless shit than fighting the lost cause of getting someone through their denial.

I often write just "Bug fixes" in release notes because I am too ashamed to mention the details of the stupid bug I introduced last version.

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I have put a deliberate buffer overflow in iOS6. I was the only one who knew. And now I left Apple.

I spend most of the time at work watching my colleague playing Angry Birds.

I once suggested to use a SQL Query ending in WHERE "*"

I see dead code... All the time...

I regularly reboot our main Linux server because I mess up one small setting or environment variable, and have no clue how to reset it manually.

I edit my coworkers' bash_profiles to ensure they learn their basic unix commands

I could care less if my site passes W3C validation... W3C feels outdated to me.

I don't code very well on fridays...

Sometimes I'd like to fire the whole team and code alone without interference.

I prefer programming to spending time with my son.

Inside for loops, I use myWifesWeight variable, so I can write myWifesWeight++. That makes my code look realistic.

I missed deadlines because I spent too much time obfuscating a konami-code which no one has noticed so far.

I obfuscate my code to a degree so that people think I'm doing something more complex than I actually am.

Sometimes I get tired of trying to explain and create the feature as the client describes it, instead of asking the questions to find out what I think they really need.

I deliberately plant bugs to keep the bug fixes busy

I do almost all my coding in the morning, in my underpants, watching Jermey Kyle.

I wrote a method 600 lines long.....

I've uninstalled vim from production server, and created a symlink to ed instead. Now I can't stop laughing when vi folks try to exit ed. I'm such a bad person.

I was put in a position to fix a bug in a specific malloc implementation when I had no knowledge of it's inner workings. As a workaround for the issue, I rounded up all the allocations so that the smallest allocation anyone could make was 128 bytes. This binary with the workaround is present in > 1M consumer devices.

all of my user validation classes are called "BadUserNoCookie"

I think most programmers are socially handicapped.