Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Anytime a project has a part that needs to use Arrays, I let stackoverflow write it for me.

I once updated all rows on production db by adding a "WHERE Column=Column" clause

I've written some of my best code at 1:00 in the morning while being either really drunk or really high.

I once created a Windows DLL using COBOL

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My company created a web app that use an ActiveX. So it works only on IE :(

I use unstructured break statements more often than structured ones.

When I was a little kid, I didn't know about "backspace", so I would turn my computer off, and back on again if I ever made a mistake while typing.

I had this in my code: #define private public

I confess, I have no idea what this other coding confession means: "After writing VHDL code, I never simulate. It gets synthesized straight to the FPGA for testing." I also have a hard time feeling bad about that.

I interviewed for my current job remotely. On Skype, nobody can see that you're pantsless.

If I want to read a long blog without being noticed I copy and paste it into Emacs.

I always use std::cout because i still can't understand printf statements

I was hired as a Sr. Java programmer at a new company ~6 months ago. It turns out they use IBM Websphere products and code in J2EE.... I still have no idea what a Java enterprise bean is.

I add an optional command-line parameter to all my scripts that recognizes my name and prints "Good morning, master." before running the program normally.

I don't think developers are the wonderworkers of the information age...I think they are the new auto workers in a digital factory of misery and despair.

The legacy CMS that I'm forced to work with is full of vulnerabilities. The only way I can get given time in my schedule to fix them is by exploiting them myself.

I never have time to work on projects because everyone else wants a email response about how the project is going every five minutes

I truly couldn't give a shit about semantic markup. When there was the promise of XHTML and every device will want your data, sure. But now? Fuck it.

I'm not curious anymore.

I call PHP script inside of Perl script, because I don't know how to do things with Perl.

I frequently lie about what I did yesterday on the morning review, so they won't know I was doing nothing all day.

I write unit tests solely to show how shitty the other engineers are.

The agency that I work for uses no form of version control. The head of development refuses to accept that this is a problem.

Once wrote a comment of a line: "I don't know what this line does. Someone smarter should fix this shit." Found the same unaltered line ten years later.

I didn't upgrade all of my Rails apps to 3.2.11 when Heroku asked me to.