Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I just completed a project where I was not allocated the time to complete the requirements. My boss migrated it to production and says we'll be gone and have been paid when they figure out it doesn't work.

I gave a quick primer to half a dozen or so co-workers in a conference room with them and several managers. I quick wrote some code when creating the powerpoint, and noticed that I had left the typo: x = CUnt("12") instead of CUInt()

One time I used a quadruply linked pointer in C++.

I used XSLT to generate VB code. It sounded like a good idea at the time.

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I hate lambdas. Just use a named function defined somewhere else. It's really not going to confuse anyone who has an I.Q. over 3.

Excluding passwords, I find almost always find case-sensitivity ridiculous and offensive.

I hide gaps in my resume with "failed startups."

As a girl, I don't like working with boys who love programming because they get offended when I show them something they don't know.

I write malware just sophisticated enough to get by our enterprise security suite, just to mess with my coworkers because I hate them. It randomly plays different noises every 3 minutes. I'm currently working on ode to joy one machine at a time.

When I'm writing some code in c++ I always try to include <iomaintream> library instead of <iostream>, because I don't want to be hipster.

in one of my previous jobs, i used to write, in the comments, stories about my boss screwing the secretary. before leaving the job i think i deleted all of them. i'm sick lol

i sometimes use zoo animals and fruits as names of my variables as it makes it more fun, IF (Zebra + Horse = Giraffe) Then Banana=FULL

I like debugging so much that I secretely hope to put bugs in my code, so that I have a good excuse to start up the debugger and have some fun.

My coworker is a web developer who refuses to use frameworks. I can SQLinject every single form on every single app he's written. I'm going to launch a massive attack just before personnel reviews and then patch his code.

I've mixed tabs and spaces in the same project. All while using_both thisAndThis variable formatting.

I use goto, but only in generated code.

I consciously try to work harder when I work from home so that no one thinks I am slacking off.

When I debug I comment out sections of my code and input printf's everywhere and systematically comment / uncomment different regions in order to locate and fix a bug or error.

maximum 80 characters in line of code...? bitch please....

I wrote an application in C# using Monodevelop on Linux on old G4 PPC-based Mac Mini.

I'm writing really bad loops. If my app requests a list of all users, my code generates N x 10 queries to populate a user. And I do it for every user. If I'm listing 50 users, that's 500 queries. I tell myself that I will put in caching to fix this.

I'm currently controlling the design process of our new game by telling them it can't be done, and offering suggestions that can because I'd rather see them as part of it.

I went to art school.

I've been working from my home office as an indie dev for nearly 5 years. I can no longer function without an afternoon nap.

I secretly believe that most of the thing developers have been conditioned to believe about programming are wrong. TDD is a very mean joke, Agile is a steaming pile of shit, a code review is asking people to explain every decision they made. Most of the industry right now is one giant pile of fuck right off.