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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

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Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess
I use widely inconsistent " and ' in my html...

My boss thinks our app was written in Java. It's really Clojure.

I just copy and pasted the design of this site for something I'm working on.

I never use the com.foo.bar.whatever standard for my Java packages. Why the hell would anyone want everything sorted by com? Sort it by your actual domain!!

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Its Friday and I can't even get myself to look at code. Water cooler, coffee run, chit chat, coffee run again, lunch, nap, coffee run, chit chat, bar

My Office put us behing a corporate proxy so they can block websites. I installed another proxy server on another server that has direct access to the internet and go to any website i need to go to. Fuck corporate proxy.!!

I am an "enterprise architect" and I create "solution oriented anarchy".

As an intern at a software company, I cringe a little bit every time I hear one of the engineers say, "No, let's not waste our time - one of the interns can do it."

I have inserted a Konami code (in JS) to bypass the authentication process of the company's CMS.

I made a cms for a very large contest and because of time constraints, I left out any form of authentication. If you wanted to get to the admin panel that controlled everything on the webapp all you needed to do was type /admin at the end of the url. Two senior engineers told me I did great work after doing a code review.

When I can't think of good variable names and parenting objects, I'll often call the parent object Lamp and the parented objects things like Lightbulb, Lampstand, etc

I prefixes all local variables with 'a' because I saw a professor do it for maintainability. Now everyone always knows exactly which bugs were introduced by me. Now I get all the complaints, along with the guy that always uses var.

Whenever I sit down to code, I end up writing a meta-programed solution.

I normalize data beyond the 3rd normal form just because it makes me feel cool and makes me rich.

I'm releasing the final product knowing that there are modules with failing test cases, I just know that it's only data problems...I hope.

I deoptimize websites for IE users because I think they deserve it.

We have a large and complex system we maintain for a client. We still have no idea what it is actually for.

My dad is a systems analyst, my mom is a database admin. My brother is C++ programmer. And I am a web developer.

I name all of my temp files after mexican food dishes.

I leave a Yoda ASCII comment at every 'Yoda Condition' I find in other peoples/colleagues code. [reference: http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/2012/07/new-programming-jargon.html ]

I wrote an entire Minecraft mod in the notes on iOS...

Sometimes, I imagine coding a program while sitting on a cow which is eating hay. I am probably look like Woody from ToyStory 3 too. I name all my get() methods as "getem" and set() methods as "roundemup".

I shared this link with the solution architect after posting a confession and now I'm praying for the mercy of this site's admin.

I hate testers that open stupid bugs that are not even actually bugs and say that "they are not supposed to know that since they are not developers". Actually I just hate testers in general.

I write and ship code that violates the privacy of millions of individuals.