Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I work unsociable hours and test new features on our live server at 3am. if anything goes wrong, I've got 5 hours to fix it. Then I clear the logs.

I told ESET that iexplorer.exe is virus.

I think developers using Windows are barely intelligent lower life-forms, but always pretend publicly "to each their own, use the right tool for the right job, there is not only one way", and many other lies like that.

I installed a konami code into an application before I quit my ex job. Still working and present on subversion's trunk...

Telesketch iPhone App
Play Telesketch
A multiplayer, drawing game from the idiot behind Coding Confessional.
I mapped a nodeJS event loop to an apache router.

I make an effort to have interesting or amusing things at line numbers 42 and 69 in any file.

I told my parents that I couldn't find a job just so I could live at home trying to be an indie game designer/programmer.

I feel bad that some people have to go to college to learn how to code.

In my last two jobs I left as comments in my code: "if you are reading this, then Im no longer here, may God have mercy of your soul."

Sometimes I don't follow the standard coding styles... I feel like such a rebel...

I was a victim of police brutality where they left me out in the woods, for me to walk for 4 hours in -10 degrees Celsius. This was 4 years ago and I have done everything in my power to ruin their lives online. Keyloggers, DDOS-attacks against their IPs, thousands of microtransactions from foreign countries, etc.

I don't press enter when I have more than 80 characters in one line.

I disable monitoring on production services that are keeping me awake

My colleague and I copy the worst code snipplets from our project into a word document for the laughs when we revisit it later.

I've been told off before because I left offensive variable names in my code such as 'cunt', 'fucker' and 'workyoubastard'.

How the hell in gods name do you create a closure in javascript which does not confuse people. Well, you don't.

I sneak changes I don't want seen into merge commits.

Once, when leaving a company, I added the following to a project I was in charge of : #define 0 1 // Have fun, idiots

Every time I intended on acquiring a lock, I accidentally created a lock instead and acquired it. Performance was incredible. Thread safety issues were the bane of my existence.

I named a container div 'turtles'. I'm not sure what it does, but the site breaks if I remove it.

I actually like writing design docs better than coding

I paid an indian WP coder $3.3 an hour

I have no respect for any of my colleagues. Not only are they incompetent and inexperienced, but they don't try to improve themselves or learn. Every single one of our projects turns out to be a disaster, and I only work about 3 hours a day because I have lost all motivation for the job. In these 3 hours I still manage to be productive and meet my goals.

Sometimes when try to type `debugger`, my hand is in the wrong spot and I type `denigger` and feel bad.

Every programmer in the office likes 9gag, i'm the only redditor, I hate them.