Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

After a few years of coding I still don't know how to write objective code in Javascript.

After 2 years of using Vim, I still use the arrow keys.

I work for a logistics company and accidentally dropped the "stops" table out of production.

I have no idea what I'm doing and it somehow turns out OK. I'm scared to death that someone will take me to task and I'll have nothing to defend myself with.

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I've found that the only way to keep my source safe, is to keep it out of SourceSafe.

I love using regexp to parse big datafiles.

I am a perfectionist and working with anyone other than myself makes me want to rip my own throat out.

I hate sloppy projects that are handed to me that I can't refactor because the orignal developer thinks his work is the best ever seen. function return_something() { if( false ) { return false; } } I also can't stand double space indents! Tab that shit man!

I created a GUI interface using visual basic to track the killers IP address

I give myself coding projects to avoid doing the programming work I'm being paid for.

I have intentionally put exploitable vulnerabilities into the OS running on the control plane of a widely used edge router, none of them were noticed during code review.

if i got a dollar for everytime my boss cancelled or was late to a meeting i could of retired by now! ....

I believe that developers who choose a Windows machine deliberately are not worthy of the title.

After trying to outrun the morons by simply changing jobs, I'm beginning to think that PHP web development just attracts incompetent idiots. I am now feverishly working on expanding my skillset in order to GTFO.

I've done about 2 hours of actual work so far this week. The other 30 or so I've spent building my rep on stackoverflow and reading hacker news.

I ship spyware with my latest software for the lulz.

There is a firm, direct relationship between the idiocy of the requirement I'm implementing and the complexity of my solution. The stupider the requirement, the more overengineered and obfuscated the code I build for it. This is strictly intentional and done out of pure spite.

I used the wrong query while searching a production database and accidentally wiped out 30,000 email addresses. There wasn't a back up and no one found out it was me.

Double d = 11.1234d; String s = d.toString(); Integer i = Integer.valueOf(s.substring(0, s.indexOf('.')));

i spend most of my days coding javascript and i have not even tried to learn best practices, so the page renders with huge script tags all throughout.

I work as a developer but don't own a laptop or even PC at home. I just have an Ipod Touch and PS3.

I work with a team of over 50 developers in a prominent Silicon Valley company. They are so incompetent that they asked me to slow down and not commit so much code per day. They also asked me to check in code that sometimes has bugs so they don't look bad. I slowed down, but I refuse to check in buggy code. I'm not a good team player.

I work remotely, and no one knows I'm really a cat.

I spent more than an hour to solve a problem inside a for.... I was printing for the wrong variable. ..

I leave dirty obscene comments in code to see if people proof-read them. They never do.