Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I also work for Oracle.

Java programmer here. I don't actually know how to typecast from char to String and always str = 'z'+"";

In the last 6 years, in two different paid jobs, I spent about 50 % of the time with working on my private open source projects, doing my actual tasks that I'm getting paid for only on the side. I still get outstanding performance reviews every year.

Whenever I get an exception from Hibernate that it can’t lazy initialize an association, I change the xml mapping to lazy=”true”.

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I work with Morons...

I always curse project managers in JavaDoc!

I snuck components written in lolcode on a production environment for a $100 bet.

I just wrote an IPageHandlerManagerProviderFactory.

I write inline CSS when I feel lazy

I write ridiculously deep nested ternaries, just so other have a hard time figuring out what's exactly going on...

I once modified the live database incorrectly, potentially costing the company around 1 third of my salary for the entire year in 1 second. I panicked, but managed to compose myself, disable the service using the database and update the data and re-enable the service in under 5 minutes.

I have commit wars with my boss. They rewrite all my variable and function names according to some undefined coding standard. I in turn revert their changes, recommit, and delete the logs that I did such a thing.

I'd rather be a shark expert than a programmer.

I've used Chef roles

My last development project was for a manager that had no programming experience. I was given a 6 month deadline to produce a basic front end for a simple database. I finished it in 2 weeks and spent the rest of the time on reddit.

I have been a web developer for 6 years but I still don't get CSS positioning...

When programming in Java or Javascript I like to name my counters c so I can write c++ in my for loops.

I still don't know what a monad is.

I put console.log('penis'); in document ready functions.

I almost exclusively use programmer jokes foreach social convention.

I might be the un-motivational wife.

As coddled as engineers really are, I still fucking hate going to work every day, because it still involves some amount of human interaction.

I don't understand the hype for node.js, coffeescript or scss. It seems like a lot of talk without much useful product.

I have about 90 unfinished apps at one stage or another in my projects folder.