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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess
I knowingly waste hours and sometimes even days on premature optimization.

I want to be a developer, but don't have the confidence to get a "real" developer job even though I work with large complex datasets.

I used to be afraid of talking about how good I was at coding at meetups until I realized how little everybody else knows, and how much they talk up their lack of skill. Now I shit on everybody without discretion. That's a lie. I like nice people.

I think people who willingly code in PHP should not be writing software.

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I used a naïve n^2 search algorithm when nlog(n) performance could've been achieved just by doing a sort. This was in C.

I think 99% of engineers are utterly unqualified to interview potential candidates.

My confession got condemned, so now I am condemning all of yours

I intentionally don't fix bugs to do with removing things. If you didn't want it then you shouldn't have added it in the first place.

I don't like to test... that's so boring.

To lazy to implement a well-written sorting algorithm I once populated a list control in Visual Basic 6, set to hidden visibility and sorted, and then read the items from the top to order them.

Sometimes I like to imagine a world where only I am allowed to write software

I publicly disclosed security flaws after being told specifically not to fix them.

I completely rewrote a functioning application because it was originally written in vb .net.

I don't work 90% of the time I am paid to do so.

I am not a developer, I currently have completed a semester of Java programming in high school but I love coming here to learn what not to do.

I actively resist all style guides and syntax conventions.

I don't use frameworks and just write spaghetti callback based javascript and tell everyone I'll just go back and refactor it later. I never go back and refactor it.

I almost never write comments, and when I do, they're always both cryptic and deceptive.

I told them I would check in the test ASAP, but I never did. They never noticed.

I am grossly overpaid.

I couldn't understand/work through the framework bugs, so I convinced the management to let me rip it out and write myself.

I never think about boundaries when writing loops. I just let it run infinitely and break when a condition is satisfied.

Years ago, while I was still a beginner, I littered codebases with variable names like boo, foo and zoo. The fact that I did that still haunts me to this day.

I have used monkeypatching in Python.

I build web applications and I don't use node.js, coffeescript, dart, typescript, angular, ember, <framework/library of the week on github>