Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I bought a Macbook because I thought it made me look cool and shit. I even decorated it with a Ruby sticker. I fucking hate both.

I wrote a function that would cause a stackoverflow in a huge project of a classmate, and this function would be called randomly. (It ended up being called on his grading day). I did this because I felt I had to punish his poorly long and offensive code.Lord, please have mercy!

I lie to product people about the difficulty of features so that I can control the design.

I ignore regressions if nobody else knows about them.

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Sometimes my functions don't have space before { and sometimes they do. It's eating me from the inside.

I am an Android developer and I often use toasts to debug my code.

I spend maybe 30 minutes per day coding - the rest of the time I'm answering questions, reviewing designs, and helping folks fix bugs. I really miss writing software.

I do client side "joins" on multiple MongoDB collections.

In my former job, we developers were forced to repair computers which ran our software. I found a way to make these computers behave like on a hardware fault through software and made about 2500 computers "fail" out in the field on my last day of work.

I've written a hello world program in binary, once...

I don't like to work with passionless, unimaginative, work-a-day developers. They should either move into management or find a new field.

I write methods whose names form acronyms that could get me into an HR jam, like CalculateUndiscountedNetTotal()

I have named features after managers when I want people to know why the requirements are bad. e.g. function susanStyleHeaders() {} or bobFormatRequirements() {}

I write finance software and shop-applications for companies and sometimes I leave backdoors which I think will be usefull If I'm going "outlow-fraud" sometime.

I never liked Java and C++ and even changed my major to avoid them.

I once read an article about .NET generics during a wedding ceremony.

I consider myself a better than average programmer, I've got the feel for it, a nice combination of good instinct with some good formation and large working experience. I've been working on this for the best part of a decade. And I hate technology, and software specially, more and more with every passing moment of my life. I think it's ruining us as a society.

If I had better social skills I wouldn't be a software developer.

I frequently commit IDE specific files like .classpath or .project to the repo.

I mostly just comment obsolete lines of code because I feel bad for them when deleting.

Sometimes I concatonate + "" instead of ToString() or String.Empty

I feel bad about leaving perl for python, but python is just so much easier...

I spend more time tweaking editor's look than coding in it...

I think unit tests are a waste of time, especially for front-end code.

Every program I have ever written has a function named skynet().