Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Chuck Norris likes qml

I want to hurt the person who wrote the code I inherited.

I used data as a variable and parameter multiple times on a class

Sometimes I don't bother to delete commented code. Especially if I know I don't have to work on it anymore.

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I still manually deploy changes. Wheuw! that felt good. :)

My code is always perfect, well documented, I handle resources appropriately, and I'm tired or my coworkers sucking and making programmers look bad.

I practically never check malloc() for NULL.

I often bill time spent not working, but surfing Reddit, HN, or sites like this. Most of my billed time is of this kind.

I once wrote an encryption system in PHP using a crude cesar-cypher. Its still in production use.

My "search returned in X seconds" is actually X % 1.

I reallocate a vector for each insert

Sometimes i delete code without knowing what it actually does.

I intermix between tabs and spaces in my IDE.

#define TRUE false //trolololololol

I've used goto and am not ashamed, although it was used in a clear manner and it was the most efficient technique for that task.

I like sneaking things into the app store. I have a super nintendo emulator available in a non jailbroken app.

During code review, I want to comment on my coworker's inconsistent/nonexistant whitespace more than anything, but I bite my tongue to keep the Github comments to functional stuff.

In my 40 hour / week job, I worked for about 6 hours / week. I still got all the work done that was asked of me, and got a reputation as a reliable and skilled worker. What I really did was learning about technologies not used by the company to prepare for my next job, as well as fuck around on Reddit.

I use magic numbers -> Every where! (There is a special place in hell for me)

I knowingly deploy buggy code in order to meet deadlines.

I wrote a code with error handling where for each error type there was a specific error message blaming evil bunnies who did something wrong with my code. This code still lives on production server. Beware of evil bunnies... They're messing with your code!

I always steal the keyboard when pair programming

In my current project I have a static class named Global that I store other classes so they can be accessed anywhere so that all my global classes are in one place. It is so awful but I am too lazy to fix it.