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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess
I prefer to use an active record class as opposed to straight sql even when I have to loop through a hundred or so results

I push after every commit regardless of the revision control software.

I genuinely believe the software industry is in decline, if not a tailspin. The further we go with abstracting reality, taking shortcuts and being "agile", the worse the overall quality of the software ecosystem as a whole gets. Almost all software is terrible.

I outsource my own job so I can sit in the office reading codingconfessional and look at cats.

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I think the vast majority of programmers are (sadly) code jockeys and not software engineers, thereby condemning true software engineers.

I probably can't use half of the frameworks mentioned on my resume.

Sometimes I ask questions on stackoverflow that I know the answer to just because it seems like a good question for gaining upvotes and boosting my reputation score.

I only learn new technologies in response to job ads or knock backs at interviews.

I hate Java, JavaScript, PHP, Perl, and anyone who would voluntarily use them. I hate the use of the word "code" as a verb. I cringe when people refer to computer science as an IT discipline.

I dream about an OS written in Haskell

Created a bugfix such that it only fixes the problem at random times, but fails at other times (Race condition). When the client complains that the bug is still there, I just mark it as "Cannot reproduce bug"

Instead of telling my boss exactly how technically incapable and unmotivated my coworker is, I just do all the work myself because he's old and I'd feel bad if he got fired.

I only learn new technologies in response to job ads or knock backs at interviews.

I play games on my iPhone on every meeting that isnt directly related to development.

Sometimes I wish the keyboard understood my mind and code for me, without me having to type ;/

I'm manager, looking for my team posts here to figure out who's procrastinating

if (viewFlipper.getDisplayedChild() == 0) {  // BACK BUTTON PRESSED ON PARENT // FRAGMENT, DISPATCH 'BACK' EVENT //  // NOTE: YOU MIGHT BE SHOUTING // ON YOUR HEAD WHILE READING // THIS COMMENT. // SORRY MY CAPS LOCK // GOT STUCK WHILE WRITING THIS  // COMMENT.  getActivity().finish(); }

I write code for edge cases that don't exist.

I take on projects even when I know they are doomed from the start. I justify this as paying the bills but feel I should tell these people that their ideas are just so stupid.

I rarely comment my code. Rather, I rely on good variable and function naming to self-document my code.

Have a UC Berkeley CS degree though feel a highschooler could code better than me.

I would have written better code, if my company didn't rename the document "Geneva Convention" to "Employee code of conduct"

To check time I select sysdate from dual

I feel bad to be a developer. Doctors, lawyers get the social respect that we don't get. We are well educated, smart and usually liberal and with balanced view on matter of politics, laws, customs. WE should be the elite. What's wrong with you people, can't we collaborate?

I hate reviewing my colleague's code (buddy system). Not because it distracts me from coding, but because some of them have BO and/or halitosis.