Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I hate all these new web frameworks. They all solve the same problems I was solving with Perl 10 years ago as a 15-year-old. I love programming, but I now spend all my time learning how to use someone else's pile of code because it's apparently the greatest thing since sliced bread. Truth is, it's just another bread slicer.

I work on the company website. The pay is shit for non-management, and the department manager expects us to meet marketing's every little expectation. Every day the Stockholm Syndrome deepens its tendrils and I think, "The racism, religious intolerance, and blatant sexism? Yeah, it's not so bad." Then I snap out of it and continue writing homegrown automation software in a language that almost no one on this team will know beyond an introductory level. I'll get my satisfaction after I leave.

i think designers do a harder work than developers.

I slept with my bosses sister

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I write wrappers for every class I'm given to work with, because I don't like how other people code.

I cant program for shit. I can just connect databases to some form of gui using a framework. If my boss told me to create something new or an algorithm of some kind i would not be able to do it.

I use 60% of the worktime reading tutorials completely offtopic for my work to fullfill my dream of creating my own set of Virtual Instruments.

I use CoffeeScript only because I don't know how to make inheritance and use for.. in loop in Javascript.

I write my code comments as it were written by "us" - not "me". E.g. "Now, we have this nicely converted". I think i try to avoid teking all the blame when code is found crappy !

As a freelancer working at home 70% of my code was written when I was drunk.

Whenever something doesn't work I'm absolutely convinced that it's a bug in the framework / the IDE / anything but my code...

I've written some of my best code at McDonalds, mooching off their wifi and soda refills.

I work remote and the really bad engineer at my customers site has a better standing, because he is visible. And believe me, he is really really bad.

For a C project at school, my put an ASCII representation of a penis (about 30 lines long) just above the main() to remind me to comment the whole file. I never did so, and my "art" is now between the hands of my teachers...

I hate all the languages that end in "ML" (for example QML).

I once wrote a 3 tier sales support system with an Excel spreadsheet as the user interface.

My English sucks too much and I feel very shy each time I have to talk to the managers because they never understand what I say. When I need to convince someone that I understand a concept and I have the skills to work on a specific topic/area I write an example program related to the field instead of trying with words. Last week I wrote a whole window system...

When my boss asks me what I feel about our company growth and I say: "pretty well" - though the company has a lot of crappy people who just don't care and new hires are based on a "jobs-for-the-boys" policy.

One time I accidently made an "rm -rf /" via SSH. After it was already too late I closed all SSH activity and do something else. Then my boss recognized the not working operating system and blamed the administrators who set it up for it.

Most of my comments are either "wtf" or "fucking IE".

We think everyone who employs SEO experts is a fucking idiot.

I compromised again on coding quality as I was pushed to give an estimate.

I avoid using other's code as much as possible. That includes making my own game engine, widget systems and model/animation software.

I once pushed back a project a week to comment everything. Sometimes paragraphs for a single function. It was closed source and I was the only developer.

I had a script running as nobody, whom I made sure had no permissions. However, one thing did need permissions. Instead of writing a setuid program to run as a more trusted user, I have the script log in to the localhost on SSH with nothing but a few reversible transforms to hide the password.