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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess
I hate every language other than my first language

I tell my boss complex stories about coding to have more time finishing a task

I hate mySQL but I systematically choose it over SQL Server in replication intensive scenarios just to get back at one DBA who won't participate into our scrum process.

One of my former team members was a terrible person and an even worse developer. I frequently had to rewrite his awful code. When he interviewed at another company and they called me for a reference, I told them how he was an amazing developer and co-worker just to make sure he would leave. It was an awful thing to do, but I did it for my team and my company as well as me.

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I hate sharing my code between team members, because I know they will ruin it.

I put spyware in the latest release of my Python library.

I am just the tip of the ice-bug.

When a client is shitty, we bill them for extra hours of testing that never actually happens.

I once imported a client's data into another client's live site by mistake. They noticed, but we bluffed our way out of it.

I try to name projects with recursive acronyms whenever possible.

Two years in college as a Computer science major in Java, and I clearly have no idea what the hell I am doing. Yet its too late for me to change majors..

Whenever I get an exception from Hibernate that it can’t lazy initialize an association, I change the xml mapping to lazy=”false”

I obsessively check-in code before nearly every single test resulting in 10x as many check-ins as anyone else I work with. I fully comment each one, sometimes with paragraphs of text.

I cannot understand the code i wrote yesterday

I didn't goto school for this.

I use the !important command in CSS way too much.

I should be working on a webapp, but I've spent the last week working on a learning IRC bot

I hate JavaScript. I hate writing it, I hate debugging it, I hate how bloated it is, I hate that it is considered integral to web development, I hate that it is still taken seriously regardless of how badly designed it is as a language, I hate that developers feel the need to expand upon it (that's you, node.js, Sugar, etc.), I hate that every website on the internet requires it in order to function. I hate everything about JavaScript and I want it to die.

I've written a single page web app using only jQuery and im in the middle of a second

Every time I hear someone is about to pass through my office door I switch my browser tab from YouTube to the online Kanban board page.

I sometimes think judgmental thoughts about people who don't put braces around a single-statement if block.

2 IT people I work with, in the space for 10+ years each, call IIS (Internet Information Services) "two-ess" because they think the II are roman numerals and not an acronym.

My private variables and methods are named after people I want to sleep with.

My primary method of debugging is rubber duck debugging.

Sometimes, I swallow exceptions.