Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.Confess
I hate all these new web frameworks. They all solve the same problems I was solving with Perl 10 years ago as a 15-year-old. I love programming, but I now spend all my time learning how to use someone else's pile of code because it's apparently the greatest thing since sliced bread. Truth is, it's just another bread slicer.
I work on the company website. The pay is shit for non-management, and the department manager expects us to meet marketing's every little expectation. Every day the Stockholm Syndrome deepens its tendrils and I think, "The racism, religious intolerance, and blatant sexism? Yeah, it's not so bad." Then I snap out of it and continue writing homegrown automation software in a language that almost no one on this team will know beyond an introductory level. I'll get my satisfaction after I leave.
A multiplayer, drawing game from the idiot behind Coding Confessional.
I write wrappers for every class I'm given to work with, because I don't like how other people code.
I cant program for shit. I can just connect databases to some form of gui using a framework. If my boss told me to create something new or an algorithm of some kind i would not be able to do it.
I use 60% of the worktime reading tutorials completely offtopic for my work to fullfill my dream of creating my own set of Virtual Instruments.
I write my code comments as it were written by "us" - not "me". E.g. "Now, we have this nicely converted". I think i try to avoid teking all the blame when code is found crappy !
As a freelancer working at home 70% of my code was written when I was drunk.
Whenever something doesn't work I'm absolutely convinced that it's a bug in the framework / the IDE / anything but my code...
I've written some of my best code at McDonalds, mooching off their wifi and soda refills.
I work remote and the really bad engineer at my customers site has a better standing, because he is visible. And believe me, he is really really bad.
For a C project at school, my put an ASCII representation of a penis (about 30 lines long) just above the main() to remind me to comment the whole file. I never did so, and my "art" is now between the hands of my teachers...
I once wrote a 3 tier sales support system with an Excel spreadsheet as the user interface.
My English sucks too much and I feel very shy each time I have to talk to the managers because they never understand what I say. When I need to convince someone that I understand a concept and I have the skills to work on a specific topic/area I write an example program related to the field instead of trying with words. Last week I wrote a whole window system...
When my boss asks me what I feel about our company growth and I say: "pretty well" - though the company has a lot of crappy people who just don't care and new hires are based on a "jobs-for-the-boys" policy.
One time I accidently made an "rm -rf /" via SSH. After it was already too late I closed all SSH activity and do something else. Then my boss recognized the not working operating system and blamed the administrators who set it up for it.
I compromised again on coding quality as I was pushed to give an estimate.
I avoid using other's code as much as possible. That includes making my own game engine, widget systems and model/animation software.
I once pushed back a project a week to comment everything. Sometimes paragraphs for a single function. It was closed source and I was the only developer.
I had a script running as nobody, whom I made sure had no permissions. However, one thing did need permissions. Instead of writing a setuid program to run as a more trusted user, I have the script log in to the localhost on SSH with nothing but a few reversible transforms to hide the password.