Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I once implemented dynamic inheritance in C# using a ghastly amount of reflection.

I use IE6 as my linting tool. If my site works in that I consider it a success.

I volunteer to program our company's worst legacy systems if it will get me out of office political battles.

I enjoy trolling programming 'puritans' when I tell them that I am a PHP developer and I think it's a superior language to everything else.

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I have been known to spend hours writing code to automate some repetitive task that takes me minutes to do each time.

If it is 4:15 and I have finished a project, I call it a day but still sit at my desk and act like I'm working.

I no longer have fun programming.

I am the lead developer of a big project, but it's the first time I work on a software project of this size.

I write malware for a living.

I wrote UEFI secure boot. And yes, one of the given reasons was to make it more difficult for people to try Linux.

At my first internship I worked on a codebase that had no documentation or comments of any kind. Fortunately, it didn't follow any style guidelines either. When I had a question about something, I knew exactly who to ask based on formatting.

I'm not an amazing developer, but seeing on here the resistance to basic management requests and all of the f'ing around that people get up to makes me confident I will never have trouble finding work.

I convinced my latest boss to let me optimize our 'bloated, slow' website by removing all indentations and comments, shorten variables to 4 chars max and also 'one line'd the code... He was a total moron, deserved it. After succesfull optimization i left the company on my own

I'm always busy with 'high priority stuff' ( aka nothing) or make up complex excuses in order to avoid fixing my coworkers shitty code while they are on holiday/away...Learn to dev/test, i'm not your personal garbage collector

I design, code and maintain complex applications for a successful company and make well over $100,000 per year for doing so. I write everything in ColdFusion and have almost no idea how to program in anything else but Javascript.

Most of my estimates are non-deterministic. I use a simple formula with no consideration of the actual facts and feed some input by rolling the dice. The majority of the estimates was pretty acurate.

I took a few online coding courses then forged my resume about having a CS degree. I got hired and bullshitted my way through the technical interview. I slacked off and browsed reddit in front of my boss the whole time. I got fired in a month.

I installed a crontab on my brothers laptop to trigger a popup window if a remote file was updated. Months later he's still trying to figure out what causes the "Easter Egg".

I substitute if/else blocks with ternary operators every place possible solely because I know most of my colleagues don't understand them.

I work for a company that invests over 700 million a year into IT. Last week our application came to a standstill because we ran out of disk space, when it came to pointing the finger, the infrastructure team told our higher ups that the development team was responsible because they should have recognized that there was no more disk space.

I have two degrees in music.

I accidentally left a bunch testing VMs running on Amazon EC2 for a month. It cost an extra thousand dollars or so for machines that did nothing.

I wrote an entire implementation of Microsoft's TPL in VB.NET 3.5 simply because they forced me to use VB.NET 3.5 and I refused to use another BackgroundWorker.

My organization has very high security rules. Our only web browser is Internet Explorer, and I have to do all of my programming in Notepad.

My team does code reviews. I have several coworkers who react with FULL-ON DEFENSIVENESS to any suggested optimizations or issues with their code, regardless of how they're phrased. I don't review code any more.