Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

My company created a web app that use an ActiveX. So it works only on IE :(

I use unstructured break statements more often than structured ones.

When I was a little kid, I didn't know about "backspace", so I would turn my computer off, and back on again if I ever made a mistake while typing.

I had this in my code: #define private public

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I confess, I have no idea what this other coding confession means: "After writing VHDL code, I never simulate. It gets synthesized straight to the FPGA for testing." I also have a hard time feeling bad about that.

I interviewed for my current job remotely. On Skype, nobody can see that you're pantsless.

If I want to read a long blog without being noticed I copy and paste it into Emacs.

I always use std::cout because i still can't understand printf statements

I was hired as a Sr. Java programmer at a new company ~6 months ago. It turns out they use IBM Websphere products and code in J2EE.... I still have no idea what a Java enterprise bean is.

I add an optional command-line parameter to all my scripts that recognizes my name and prints "Good morning, master." before running the program normally.

I don't think developers are the wonderworkers of the information age...I think they are the new auto workers in a digital factory of misery and despair.

The legacy CMS that I'm forced to work with is full of vulnerabilities. The only way I can get given time in my schedule to fix them is by exploiting them myself.

I never have time to work on projects because everyone else wants a email response about how the project is going every five minutes

I truly couldn't give a shit about semantic markup. When there was the promise of XHTML and every device will want your data, sure. But now? Fuck it.

I'm not curious anymore.

I call PHP script inside of Perl script, because I don't know how to do things with Perl.

I frequently lie about what I did yesterday on the morning review, so they won't know I was doing nothing all day.

I write unit tests solely to show how shitty the other engineers are.

The agency that I work for uses no form of version control. The head of development refuses to accept that this is a problem.

Once wrote a comment of a line: "I don't know what this line does. Someone smarter should fix this shit." Found the same unaltered line ten years later.

I didn't upgrade all of my Rails apps to 3.2.11 when Heroku asked me to.

I lie in my comments

I once left a comment in my code apologizing to my future self for the horrible hack I had just written.

I am the technical leader in a small company, but I never write any unit tests and don't follow coding standards.

The threat of code reviews is the only thing preventing me from making my code unreadable due to puns in the method and variable names.