Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I spent 6 months converting my custom network protocol stack to run wide on the PS3 SPUs in just 256k of memory AND ACTUALLY ENJOYED IT.

I still use uppercase HTML tags. Someday, allegedly, those tags will stop working. But I know that day will never come.

Everywhere I've worked, the code gets more and more bloated and harder to work with as time passes. My solution is always to get a new job every few years.

i signed an NDA that forbids me from working on an Apache licensed opensource project with any company other than my employer, because i needed the money.

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I bench 250 with Ray Bans and show up to my full time lead PHP dev job. I take the term faux-grammer to a whole new level.

console.log("fuck"); is how I debug javascript

Back in my youth I was tasked to find a devious bug in a 500K line COBOL application, with no comments and cryptic variables, that had flummoxed several devs before me. I told my boss that I could reproduce the functionality of the application in a 5K PL/1 application, and it would take me a fraction of the time. He refused. I did the PL/1 thing. He was so dim he looked at the code and said "I told you so. COBOL rules."

I refuse to customize anything for IE. Life is too fucking short.

One of the first things I did when I came to this site is manually fingerprint the technologies it uses. I love digging into other people's stuff.

I write code in the morning, get drunk at lunch and then proceed to review my code to find errors.

Many times I've said that something was impossible to be done, I've made in less than 24 hours after my boss demanded it.

I write my code with hungarian notation style.

I just built an entire "blogging" platform that's not compatible with any version of IE prior to 10. I does, however, work with Firefox 3.6. The worst part? I don't plan on fixing it.

I will never work for google or code in Go because of the enforced K&R bracket style. There I said it.

It's 2.40am and I'm still up writing code. I physically cannot focus during the day, but at night I'm a machine.

I think most code is shit today, and I am mediocre at it. The guys that wrote Doom, Duke Nukem and Return to Castle Wolfenstein and made them fit on fewer than 10 3-1/2 floppies were Gods

It took me a week to fix this bug: #include <studio.h>

I have a ticket called "IE7 fixes" assigned to me for 9 months now. I'm leaving at the end of the week.

I've sold user data of people who purchased my app on Google Play.

I work as a developer for for a government department with too many business 'analysts' and me as the only developer. My non-technical boss wanted me to port an existing VB.Net application to ASP.Net in VB because it was the "new" thing. I secretly rewritten it in Rails and deployed to production. To this day, no one noticed.

I failed a part of my university course - even though I now I work in one of the top s/w giants with some of the smartest people in the world.

I once spent a week secretly playing games in my cubicle (with very high walls). The task my boss thinks will take 1 week of coding actually took 5 mins; just had to change some flags in a configuration file.

I publish a website that didn't close connections in database.

I had a boss once say to me "Comments are against company policy". He was only half joking...