Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I never do performance tuning

I believe I can apply MVC to our 40 year old COBOL codebase.

Sometimes I have to read through 50 classes and 200 methods to know which 5 lines of code I have to write to get where I need to because our 10 year running project is so huge. It makes me wish I would work on a small project with less than 3000 lines of code.

I sent the customer a bill for 6wks work that was actually completed in just 3.5 days.

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Sometimes I do a clean build just so I have time to finish reading a webcomic

I agreed to write a game server for a programmer who had no clue what matrices, vertecies or even design patterns are

I finish my work early and instead of going home, I spend the rest of the day playing games on the work computer which is significantly better than my personal computer.

# TODO # change this to 21 when we reach year 2100! {credit_card_expiry_year: "20#{account.updatedToken.expDate.dup.to_s[2..4]}"}

Hired to a big-name "software" company only to constantly be given non-development, bullshit busy work. I do the bare minimum and the only reason I stay is to collect my sign-on bonus and to save up money to pay off my rent and move out to the West coast.

I just made a commit with a new line just so I could get revision 666

I am currently writing a project documentation for a final exam. About 90% of the content consists of lies, because I know it is stuff that the inspectors want to hear.

I once executed chmod -R 777 / on a production server.

I never learned any other chmod permissions than 777

I was told the project I was working on for a month "was too time consuming" and canceled. I quit the job.

I started as a PHP developer and seeing all the shitty code in practically every project I participated in I felt inferior to Java/C++/C#/C etc developers. Then I converted to Java and in turned out shittiness of code is all the same everywhere. And I don't feel better at all.

All through Uni my friends and I joked about how I was cruising through on charisma and good looks. Come the end of our time there, I was accepted into a software development job over guys who I know are not only better coders than me, but without whom I probably wouldn't have made it through our honors year at all.

I listen to women having orgasms while I code. I don't know where it comes from, but its comforting just knowing that I do a good such a good job.

I secretly think that the .com bubble 3.0 is coming, but I am happy with the salary that I am being paid. So, I don't complain

I've been coding off and on for 15 years and last week was the first time I wrote unit tests for my functionality before coding the UI. It felt shameful and awesome at the same time.

I got fired from my previous contract for slacking too much because I was bored, only to find a new contract 2 days later with a 40% pay raise. Suck it old employer... sup Jeff and Mike

I've never had success outsourcing a project. It always requires a rewrite.

I ship code knowing there is error, hoping client will never find out

I use java reflection to ensure that all fields in class are set

I am sick of emails asking me what an error means before even punching the error code into a search engine.

I set the font in my IDE to Comic Sans MS.