Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I need to look at the keyboard to type.

I replaced the wrong table in a database and blamed it on a Hacker.

I have been cheating StackOverflow with multi-accounts. I got a job because of my rep.

I lied in all my interviews yet I got the job. Now I am the most productive programmer because I spend my nights refactoring my code until I feel is right...

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I'm a senior developer at a prestigious software company and I had to google how to shut down Windows 8.

BOSS: omg, something you just did broke our app. ME: you sure, everything looks fine to me . . . BOSS: Looks like a 3G problem in our app – it’s not responding right on 3g ME: ok, I'll go fix the 3g towers for you. Give me 5 minutes.

I spend most of my time doing things that could easily accomplished in a user-friendly way with little code, but usually end up creating unusable piles of crap because the people in charge here really like their bells and whistles.

The most rewarding programming I've ever done was when I made a simple application for my 2 year old daughter. She loved it.

I saw how incompetently bad a new coworker's work was but didn't tell anyone. I should've said something even though we weren't on the same team. He left a year later leaving a shit mountain of bad and uncompleted code to support. Turns out he changes jobs every 9 to 12 months.

I slept only 2 hours this night.

I'm always postponing learning new things, and when I get to it, it takes forever due to me being distracted all the time. Right now I should be looking at GAE instead of confessing this and going through your confessions.

I code in almost 10 languages. I'm 23 years old. I go to gym everyday. I'm married with a beautiful girl. When people ask me how I do all this, I think a bit and always came to the same conclusion: I don't really know.

I change code which is horribly unreadable even though it's not directly related to the bug I've been assigned to fix.

I keep the compiler on the full integration build rather than quick build so that I have an excuse to play Clash of Clans in between builds.

Our Senior Engineer didn't like using source control, so he used to email me zips when he was done and I would commit them for him. Now I'm his boss.

I think about quitting every other day, but the pay is too good.

I coded a database and frontend in PHP that stores all its data in a giant XML file.

Instead of coding, I waste time thinking how I feel bad for people who feel the need to express their negative emotions about Apple everywhere, including this site.

I once wrote a merge algorithm with three or four nested for loops and around five indexes (int i,j,k...). It took me a month and some really weird bugs to realize what I had done.

Some os my coworkers just put "this." before every attribute, doesn't matter if it doesn't exist another attribute with the same name in other context. I secretly hate them for that.

When someone reports a bug I often go and fix it really quickly without them knowing just so I can go to them and make them try to reproduce it in front of me.

I used git to locally manage code that actually is versioned by SVN. I can do local-feature-branches with no pain. I regret nothing.

I don't prefix members with "m_"

I've been a developer for 10 years. I still shit myself when I have to use the command line.

I maintain a backlog of already finished work and post that for review every once in a while to make it look like I'm working. Usually I am just working on personal projects.