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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess
When coding on a whiteboard my skills drop by a factor of 10.

Once I found a comment in the middle of fuzzy code saying "THIS IS SPARTA!".

My error messages include pictures of grumpy cat

I wrote code that helped a gigantic insurance company minimise its tax payments.

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I once took a contract job scraping email addresses for a spammer. The idiot paid me a retainer and I never gave him a product....

When I review other peoples working code, I change it to match my coding style.s

I leave a few obvious bugs in a beta release in the hope that they'll distract reviewers from the bugs I'll never be able to fix by the shipping date. We can always issue a patch later...

I worked on a "mission critical system" for the Department of Defense that had to be restarted everyday.

I once made a false programming confession

Today I watched a coworker work on his own personal project all day and didn't pull him up on it. We'll probably miss the delivery date, but the company we work for just stiffed us both in the latest pay round.

I never listen at my coworkers during the useless daily scrum status.

I don't like trendy programming languages that don't have semi-colons and curly-brackets. They just look.. wrong.

I don't specify argument names in my function prototypes.

I've fixed my fair share of code where the comment says "this should never happen." Here's a hint, it ALWAYS happens.

I didn't know MD5 was one way until last year

When I go for a break. I always put my most messy code on my screen, so my (non-programmer) co-workers think that I'm extremely busy and super-smart.

I messed up my git repos and endend with a giant repo that encloses my other proyects. I have not commited anything nor tried to fix it cuz I'm lazy.

Back in the day when I started with the old VB, I only knew about void method and not functions. To return a value I used to call the method, set a global variable in the method and then read the global variable in the calling code.

I pick on people who don't know regex.

format c: [Enter] <-- Me learning DOS as a kid.

75% of my day is spent doing freelance work, 10% on the Internet and the rest making it look like I accomplished a lot.

I still work in Classic ASP.

I debug with prints

I use cursors in my SQL Server code.

I brought a production linux server down by logging on as root and fat-fingering mv ./* as mv /*