Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Some of my best programming happens when I'm pooping.

Several jobs ago, they implemented a Windows based timeclock. I wrote a small app that used Win32 calls to allow me to schedule times to clock in and out. I was hourly and would work only about 6 hours a day but got paid for 8.

I once wrote a Reversi program to play against people on Yahoo. When it started beating everyone and people asked what openings I was using I said ridiculous things like the "Suburban Jellyfish" opening.

I sometimes document code with generic documents, so i can use same documentation several times. <3 copy/pste

Telesketch iPhone App
Play Telesketch
A multiplayer, drawing game from the idiot behind Coding Confessional.
I changed the Random Seed value using the value of other Random Seed... in the same code line.

A couple of jobs ago I hated the CEO so much that when I left I created a small Windows Service and it installed it on his computer. It monitored his My Documents folder and sent any updated files to an anonymous email account. Some of the files I got was a spreadsheet full of passwords, his application to "The Apprentice", and several photos he took for dating sites. The password file also had his passwords for the dating sites...

After rdp'ing into work with a glass of scotch in my hand, I came to a horrible conclusion: I trust myself in the codebase drunk more than I trust anyone else in my team sober.

So many times I rework my own code and wish I could be able to go back in time and punch my old self in the face.

I fork bombed a server at a programming competition, bringing the entire competition to an end, just because they wouldn't let me go outside to smoke a cigarette.

i worked for groupon

I release iOS apps, testing them with simulator and not wuth a real device.

I'm an iOS developer and my iPhone still runs 5.1

i removed pmd:check from the build server cause no one bothers to fix the pmd violations and the builder complains for days on time, and ill be damn if i fix someone elses violation one more time

I discourage almost everyone I know from going into computer science because I think they are too dumb.

A feature I worked on was put on hold, the patch I put up was old and buggy. I always planned on putting up the correct working patch but never did. Then came the merger and layoffs and the one patch to rule them all was lost forever.

When someone commits a function that takes in more than 8 bytes worth of parameter data, I drop in a first line "return 0;" and re-sumbit it with the message "optimization"

I use type characters in Visual Basic code to confuse other developers because I really dislike doing anything in Visual Basic.

I create HTML content using JS DOM API and use blocks of curly braces to indent the script.

On my old job, I cheated with my paid travel time, to comopensate for my low salary.

I'm very amused by typing "man touch" into a bash shell.

I never learned to use enums correctly, so my code is more complicated than it probably needs to be.

When writing helper utilities and scripts for work I use the latest and greatest technology/languages, because it makes me giggle when someone wants to modify it and rage quits cause they don't understand.

I alert lyrics to songs to help debug JavaScript.

Clearcase was so annoying and slow that I just put a git repository inside of my Clearcase view.