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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess
You annoying twats complain about your boss. TRY FUCKING WORKING CONSTRUCTION MATE. See how you like it.

Great, lets let another one of our best employees walk away because there isn't any advancement here. But please make sure to keep promoting managers who try to get developers to blow them after having to drive you home from a work function because you are too drunk to drive yourself. Amazing.

Absolve if you think it's okay to use python as a glorified wrapper for bash when writing install scripts. Because in the universe you live in, some abstract class structure used to wrap os.popen(foo) is somehow clearer to read than foo.

Ah, so you've worked with more tech than I have? Yeah that automatically makes you so much better than me. You've won in life and aren't afraid to tell me so, in email. Tell me though, how is it you can't get a girlfriend you ugly fuck??? And how can I count your friends on one hand?

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I use a nickname that can easily be googled when I comment on confessions. I make my actual confessions anonymous, but not my comments on other confessions.

Hey you guys! Today, I shit my pants today. Thank you

Thank you, Torrent.

Every time I read UX research, I feel like our species doesn't deserve to exist.

This morning we had a meeting. At one point I had to reach into my laptop bag to retrieve a pen. I bent over somewhat awkwardly and a small but unmistakable fart ripped through the air, courtesy of my bunghole.

We have a PM who doesn't know how to use JIRA so we have to email our issues at the EOP!!!

I have sometimes wished for a heart-attack so I can just keel over and die and not have to deal with this shit anymore.

How do you deal with talentless retards groomed into dev management positions due to the "it's not what you know, it's who you know" clique?

I fucking hate slack, its like working in an IRC chat room. Noone talks any more.

Anyone know of some way to make a bit of money quickly? Like paying out and money in my bank account within 2 days? Perhaps some one-day-project that pays at least $200? I know it can depend on my tech stack, just hoping to find somewhere I should look. (Because fuck student loans)

I wish I was famous and influential like Torvalds so I wouldn't get dismissed when telling people their code is a fucking unreadable mess and needs to be rewritten before commit (https://lkml.org/lkml/2017/10/1/164).

I have a soggy butt.

"Problem" with C++ is that it attracts a lot of "autist" types

What do I need to confess?

I enjoy looking at naked men more than I enjoy looking at naked women.

Just finished my boot camp and super excited to start working as a real life developer! Very passionate about Ruby on Rails and React but looking forward to learning as much as I can!

When I interact with "normal" people I am surprized how stupid they are - no ability to think at all. When I get to my workplace however I feel like an idiot - I know I am not but I feel like it. Team is one of the very few things that makes this gig tick:)

This company has "hired cheap" for years and years... end of my first week and I can already tell there is a huge talent gap in many key positions... I have met people who have been in the same position for 10, 20, some 30 years and have barely advanced with their skill level or professional accomplishment... help me....

Didn't know why my git history gone... (Just had an idea about it) Then i saw my college git push origin master --force. And they allways joking that I'm just a frontend developer... Maaaan! I could scream! (but crying inside instead)