Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I just shit my pants!

Spending 50% of your life sitting in some shit box office chair staring at computer screens. Solid life choice. But the pay is average!

We just lost our project manager. We don't have a manager. We don't have a project manager. We don't have testers. We don't have QA. What an outstanding place to work.

This place is in a vicious cycle. Management tries to hire people to do all of the real work, but none of the managers understand what needs to be done or how. So projects are consistently abandoned and later restarted, while the business continues to run on outdated and expensive technology.

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Nothing makes me angrier than reading one of our partner's documentation, and I watch cuckold humiliation videos for fun.

Queers ruin everything.

I was assigned to quickly add mssql compatibility to a microservice that is using Cassandra db. And I'm not allowed to change the model. And they needed it yesterday. So right now I am serializing nested objects and arrays of an entity to json and saving it to nvarchar max fields. This code is tech debt from day 0, "we present mvp then refactor" somebody please kill me

I should really daydream about Prabeep.

I should change wallpaper.

Another day in front of computer screens!

If I ever find out who was the moron who first asked what are the differences and similarities between an abstract class and an interface I'm going to reach down his throat , trough his arsehole, grab his nuts, pull them through and make him chew them. Fuck, those are entirely different concepts that solve entirely unrelated issues: abstract classes deal with code reusability and interfaces deal with polymorphism in a strong typed language. Just asking it, shows that you do not understand any of them.

Coders take themselves way too seriously. Mathematicians too, but at least they have the brains to back it up.

Why didn't I go into a trade?

I think all the node.js people are fucking retarded. Example: "Async is a utility module which provides straight-forward, powerful functions for working with asynchronous JavaScript." There are 15 words in this phrase and it says a absolutely nothing about what the fuck is async going to do. Fuck!

I got fired so I made my own job.

the number one skill a developer haves: patience... Iron strength patience or don't give a fuck attitude... any other way you will commit suicide in a job where for every step you take forward, you take two backward; every fuxing time you solve something, you realize you are just really filling a hole with another hole...

I've seen a guy who goes on long technical rants on mailing lists put his finger into the back of his pants and then smell it. People are way less impressive in real life. Especially programmers.

Last library update 3 months ago, last documentation update 3 years ago.

I just saw someone opening an issue mentioning automatic generation of C++ code. This won't end well.

Damnn Web Development is soo boring! I am so glad I figured it out this early in my career. Will definitely switch to Machine Learning ASAP!

You complete your sprints on time and the PM loves you. However your code is rank rotten and you're creating tech debt for others to fix. Why don't you man up and tell your boss it'll take a bit longer to do it right, instead of fucking writing shit?

To the woman/man who invented the open office: "F*CK YOU!"

"Servant leadership". Haha. Buzzwords crack me up.

// TODO commenting the correct way to do it and pretending it will be done, estimate time to refucktoring = NEVER...