Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

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How many comps do you chumps average per week?

I patiently waited like a naive prick for the company bonus. In the end, all the company did was bone us.

Whew titties are so good

I’m just waiting for my annual bonus then I’m fucking GONE!

Only I can use Git properly and when I tell them, how to use it, just telling me, there is no time for this bullsh*t. Should i quit, when every friday I have to fix all the repos? Or should I restrict all our repos to pull request

You annoying twats complain about your boss. TRY FUCKING WORKING CONSTRUCTION MATE. See how you like it.

Great, lets let another one of our best employees walk away because there isn't any advancement here. But please make sure to keep promoting managers who try to get developers to blow them after having to drive you home from a work function because you are too drunk to drive yourself. Amazing.

Absolve if you think it's okay to use python as a glorified wrapper for bash when writing install scripts. Because in the universe you live in, some abstract class structure used to wrap os.popen(foo) is somehow clearer to read than foo.

Ah, so you've worked with more tech than I have? Yeah that automatically makes you so much better than me. You've won in life and aren't afraid to tell me so, in email. Tell me though, how is it you can't get a girlfriend you ugly fuck??? And how can I count your friends on one hand?

I use a nickname that can easily be googled when I comment on confessions. I make my actual confessions anonymous, but not my comments on other confessions.

Hey you guys! Today, I shit my pants today. Thank you

Thank you, Torrent.

Every time I read UX research, I feel like our species doesn't deserve to exist.

This morning we had a meeting. At one point I had to reach into my laptop bag to retrieve a pen. I bent over somewhat awkwardly and a small but unmistakable fart ripped through the air, courtesy of my bunghole.

We have a PM who doesn't know how to use JIRA so we have to email our issues at the EOP!!!

I have sometimes wished for a heart-attack so I can just keel over and die and not have to deal with this shit anymore.