Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

heebie kikeburger

Have been an Android developer for two years, no fucking employment.

sr ui engineer unemployed for the first time in 20 years burning my savings. ace every interview, not getting hired. all my ex team members at last gig are miserable but i am jealous they are employed. be thankful for what you have or being young enough to change gears.

quit() quit exit() exit q q() !q ^C help Alt + Tab Quit PSQL \q

Telesketch iPhone App
Play Telesketch
A multiplayer, drawing game from the idiot behind Coding Confessional.
Don't understand people who write into company chat outside of work hours, at all.

I've noticed that despite knowing performance optimization tricks, I won't catch obvious things until there is a production performance issue, or I reflect on the code later. I think I'm often rushing to deliver code and write the first version in a naive, easy to understand way.

i have the most fun writing programs that have no use for anybody whatsoever and post them on obscure programming text boards to try to get the most responses

I can work for 4 days straight (Adderall + caffeine + amphetamines)

Full Disclosure: I worked at M$ from 2014-2015.

This code was generated by a tool.

I hate React and Webpack.

I had a manager who only repeated "the code will speak to you" whenever I asked for help or guidance after being assigned to a legacy project in an obsolete development environment I'd never even heard of. I wanted to scream in his face that the code most certainly did *not* speak to me and that was why I was asking him. Major international consulting firm, and this nimrod actively impeded all my efforts to actually meet his unreasonable expectations, to the point where I simply gave up, accomplished what I could, and blew off the rest.

Visual Studio 2015 takes forever to load. Even the start menu of Windows 10 has a bit of lag. Microsoft shouldn't use XAML where excellent performance is needed.

Kotlin, why the fuck would you want to introduce a better language for Android studio and still base it entirely on jvm, fuck you jetBrains and Google, you java dick sucking retards.

I'm a web developer (I don't do design) and I want to transition to software but nobody will help me figure out what to do because my future peers think so lowly of "web designers" — I'm too socially inept to deal with this shit, can someone please tell me what the fuck I need to do?

One of our senior dev's edited in "You'll figure it out" into our centralized documentation. FUCKING WHAT!? This is NOT helpful to anyone.

Whenever I copy code from a tutorial, I always change the variable names. I don't really know why. For some reason, it makes me feel better about copy/pasting code.

I'm going to seek help for my mental illness.

Write once, lag anywhere.

Pragmatism is my primary motivation and driver as a developer (particularly as a consultant).

Poop successfully held for 12 hours today despite having a fuck load of coffee. This is probably a healthy habit.

I don't give a shit about this project. Actually wish it fails, I can't stand the senior management. Hopefully we miss the deadline and the middle managers get fired or resign. Fuck this greedy corporation.

Cod confessional creator: why in mobile is not possible to copy links? Open a browser in a link will be better... Do you want your users to spend more time here?

I blocked Youtube in my hosts file so I could be more productive.

Vieles in der IT funktioniert nach dem Miau-Prinzip: alles für die Katz'. Damit muss man sich abfinden, dass eben gern mal was für die Tonne gearbeitet wird. Manchmal wusste ich bei Projekten schon vorher, dass sie so niemals live gehen werden.