Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Nothing I ever write EVER works in internet explorer. I wish someone warned me about it before I embarked on a career in Frontend development.

The best job at my company is first level manager. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to know anything, and you only have to pretend to work for 30 or 40 hours per week.

Being a front end developer is easy. It's like RIDING A BIKE. Except the bike in on fire, You're on fire, everything is on fire and you're in Hell

Corporate hipsters ruin everything. Look, I already know that I'm a fucking moron for being smarter than you yet spending my time putting money in your pocket. No need to rub it in with degrading agile/scrum and teambuilding shit. Just let me do my job.

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After 10 years of coding, I figured out that the style if ("text".equals(object)") which I absolutely hated - saves you a null-check compared to if (object.equals("text"))

Who is actively getting ready to shove kikes back in their respective ovens? I think we're getting closer. I can't wait.

Got introduced to the "Spotify model" of team organisation recently. Supposedly it's Agile. It has squads, chapters, tribes, guilds. As much as I like Agile's basic ideas, to me this sounds like pure satire. Look, I'm not a DND character, I don't want to join a "guild". I'm not a soldier, so stay away with "squads". What's next, renaming bug tickets to "quests"? Is everyone at Spotify twelve?

Tech jobs in the UK are not rewarding at all. Seriously, junior web developer in London for £25k - £30k? What the actual fuck is £30k in London?! It's nothing! And do you realize how much fucking shit you need to know to even get that measly dev job? Piss off. This fucking country is a joke.

My favorite language is C++.

Virgin Media surely have to be the worst broadband company in the UK. from soup to cup they fuck it up.

myVar <= 4 ? false: true How hard is it to just fucking write: myVar > 4

Java Retired => { Finger Crossed }

Came home from my job at udemy to find an Indian AI driven Python strangling my dog's cock and a Mexican pair programming JavaScript with my wife for low, low wages. Right, surely now I have covered all the bases?

People who say pair programming « is not for me » generally have large cocks.

So many problems in IT would be solved by having a written English test in addition to programming tests. If you fail it and aren't absolutely exceptional as a coder, you won't get hired.

An important task just went to the Indian guy who misspells every fifth word and wears a suit and tie in his profile pic. "Your inputs will be consider." Bye bye code quality...

I confess that Python's where its at. I also confess that you can do almost anything with it. You should take this Python course over at Udemy

HelperFunctions helper = new HelperFunctions()

Could someone please come to the heil center and put a strangle me with piano wire?

I feel like shit right now . I would like to follow my dreams but I am just not brave enough . Music is my world . My dad was a musicians and now I would like to be . I play guitar and I really like to sign but I don’t have any support . People that are in my circles say me all the time when I am depressed that I am really god and that kind of stuffs . But the problem is that they actually don’t want to hear me . So I am playing all the time just for myself and that’s why I have fear to sing to public . I wish I was different kind of person . ( English is not my first language so I am sorry for mistakes )

It's hot and I'm debugging legacy javascript - I think I'm in hell...

Every time I fix a core dump I think about your tits and a tub of margarine.

Physics is just applied Mathematics. Engineering is applied Physics. Computer Science is applied Engineering, and project managers wear little black tutus , grind the monkey-organ and practice Applied Computer Science.

I wanted to be a ballet dancer but now I rue the day, too many years ago, that I ever picked up a fucking pocket calculator.