Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Once I forgot to change the regular expression while deploying to production. Cron Job was supposed to run at every midnight. But for testing, I had changed it to "repeat every minute". But I completely forgot to change it and shipped it to prod. And everyone kept getting an email every minute! :( I came to know after an hour, and then had to revert the build.

The company I work for has a software for the web that does not have pagination. Customers have to use the browser's Find.

Ive investigated software anomalies during ufo sightings, we approach the people and pull up all digital records on that day, these things know all our technology in and out

Why do I always have to clean up my adult coworker's messes and remind him to do things like set up a lunch order?

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i wanted to be a mathematician, but i couldn't take academia anymore and now i'm an ai researcher for a corporation. i make a lot of money, people are much more impressed by what i do now, and i'm great at the work. i get a lot of praise. and hate every fucking second of every single day at work. i hate engineers, i hate robots, i hate thinking about software. i don't care what the image gets labeled as. i don't give a fuck whether something is optimized or not. i don't care if anyone ever uses what i make.

Our new CIO has her personal pronouns listed in her email signature. Kill me.

There’s a burning sensation on my back,, I think it’s chlamydia,, bc I fucked my cat

What would you do, when you got a project as a developer which will be about 500 hours long and the UI/UX team already used up 70% from it? (It wasn't the first time). Oh and the DES team always complaining about how bad the site looks at the end.

I hate how fucking seriously developers take themselves. It's the same thing as the roided out Chads trying to be the manliest alpha womanizer, just with supposed brains instead. People should just chillax and not be a pain to others.

I just saw an old picture of me when I was 18. I was super cute back then. Should have sold my butt. Now it's all old and soggy. Wasted opportunity.

I'll never be a "culture fit" in an office full of socially awkward virgin nerds.

UI/UX and javascript developers are overrated. fuck you and your npm/yarn/whateverbullshit you sacks of shit

I’m deep into a geeky life but at least my cat and tumblr keep me xompany

I fuck 10 different guys today un protracted and gave 15 different guys head wops

I have HIV and never tell my sex partners.

People have literally wasted years of my life by forcing me to imitate shitty behavior for the sake of backwards compatibility that ultimately turned out to be completely meaningless. Of course, none of it was documented either. Having to document it might have made them realize it was pointless. FUCK! YOU! YOU! AUTISTIC! FUCKS!

xml configuration setup makes me want to blow my fucking brains out

I hate when code reviews turn into group therapy and we're all talking about "how we feel" about the code fix, or what the "right way" to solve some problem would be. It devolves into a battle of petty egotism and "what if's". Code reviews are valuable, but a lot of the time the process just gets in the way on a larger team.

Every project manager should play Blackwake as captain for at least a week, so they can learn the value to give clear directions at the right time, assholes!

I'm an android developer since version 2.1. This platform is the very definition of inconsistency.

Oh how I despise TFS

Made mama $3.5k today. How do you other boys even compete? :|

The laxative just took effect at 4am lol

I'm glad I'll be retired in 15 years. Software development is shit these days. Egos, 1000 frameworks, agile shite, political correctness ... Fuck it, fuck it all