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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess
Most of you idiots on this board are the reason I have to start drinking at 11am every day. Learn the language. Stop trying to make everything JavaScript.

Made only $5 last weekend for a side-project game I wrote over the last year. I think I'll happily embrace my $60k/yr day-job.

how dumb is the average person? i am an idiot. most non-coding coworkers I interact with here make me feel like a god

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I love to set traps for my incompetent managers or peers giving them just enough information so they think they can steal my idea but not enough to actually do it so they look like fools when they present it. They would easily overcome it if they would actually pick up a manual from time to time, but none of them do.

What takes one programmer one month, takes two programmers two months, no truer words.....

Spending sleepless, broke, stressful months developing a startup or taking that big wallet cushy job doing something you are so used to doing it's second nature, the actual programmers dilemma,

I have another job lined, have been waiting for months to move. Just waiting for the contract to arrive on the email, so i can break the news... I like the guys here, have a bit of boring/burned feeling about current work, but the main reason is I need more cash to pay for the game... So feeling like in my teenage years, when a good fuck was ok, but a better fuck was better, the problem is breaking up with the girl... end of the day we knew was coming...

the project i've been working on for 18 months is about to fail. time to start murdering

A few of us had to go into the office for a couple of hours this weekend to participate in a DR exercise. I walked into the breakroom this morning and it was torn all to hell. I said "what the hell happened in here" and it turns out a racoon had gotten into the building. Some lady had been feeding some stray cats behind the building and apparently it had drawn in raccoons and also some coyotes.

program to get a solution, solve the problem, build a product. everything else is jus syntax and nomenclature resulting from algebraic delusions of complexity as form. 2+2=4

People explaining object-oriented programming principles in terms of "do this in Java". No, you idiot, "program to interfaces, not implementations" has _nothing_ to do with Java's interface keyword.

I wrote a bot to copy from stackoverflow for me.

Back when I developed for Amazon, when they were still primarily a book company. We used to delete fraudulent orders all the time because there was no serverside form validation YOLO

Women in tech, lol, the future is female, coder galz, what a fucking joke, 1 out of 10 can code, the other 5 are only good for taking it in the ass, tattooing and piercing their bodies, the rest are too ugly to warrant a second look better yet a boner. Future of tech is overwhelmingly male dear female ceo of a failing company.

I hate instagram coders, we have one at work, you know the type, takes twenty selfies over ten lines of code with #coderlife #coffee #starbucks, I can take solace in the fact that his caffeine intake will obliterate his kidneys before I have the chance to bash his head in with that macbook he thinks is magic.

Well my last confession was taken the wrong way thanks to auto correct, father forgive me for I have sinned, but do all coders have tiny dicks, why would some one with a large penis put themselves through society's basements to learn mind bending things just to impress women, because believe me that is the reason we all started coding, for the fame, money, skills.....to impress girls.

I find American coders so pretentious, when they just assume that third world coders are only accustomed to old technology, like when updates are rolled out it's only in the US, or like all shipping with new tech mostly made in china all heads straight to their doorstep, always surprises them when they find out they are just catching up.

Do all programmers have small praises? I get the idea that they all do, no one with a large cock would put themselves through this.

Everyone who gets into this racket single and with no other priorities than eating and coding of course gets to put more time in and ships like Fedex. Then you have a family and responsibilities to take care of and suddenly nobody can understand why you cant work inhumane hours or juggle mental challenges past the point of sanity.

I like the idea that sometimes an individual programmer can be more productive than a large team.

Being a bill gates personality is so much fun, steal ideas from the wallflowers who came up with them and then implement them better than they ever could, because fuck your creative rights if you can't create!

I am talking on a third wife, still can't believe this is not illegal, great way to make up for all the sex I missed learning 12 programming languages in college.