Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.
Being a father seriously impacts my performance. Family and the long commute take away all my mental energy. I feel mentally drained when I finally arrive to work. I was better when I didn't have things to think about other than work.
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If I have a high priority bug, but my son (1,5 years) has 40°C fever I know what to do next. Family comes first - this often means pressure; but finally the job can be replaced, the family not. Also if I have success in the job the company gets more money and I get ... a raise in the next year ... maybe ... maybe not. My family though also is a source of inspiration, joy and fun I would never find at work. Investing in family has a huge return on invest - though it is not monetary. Dont feel guilty about this.
That's a choice we all have to make. Career performance or family? I chose differently than you did, but no one's choice is wrong. You make a sacrifice either way.
It's a matter of priority: the infinite love provided by children, or help your CEO get that new Porsche
" the infinite love provided by children" ha ha ha ha ha
I wish I could drown out everything to work, but I've got a continuous thread taking 10% of my brain power always wondering if my wife will call because my kid fell down the stairs or something.
Look on the bright side -- nobody judges you for your choice to go to work. My husband left his underpaid middle-management position to stay home with our kids, and I've been passed up twice for a promotion because I think they're expecting me to give up on this whole Software Engineering thing any day. You're fortunate to be in a situation that implicitly supports both a full time job and a family at home -- although it's no less exhausting, I'm sure.
If you're worried about your kids falling down the stairs, install a gate. They're cheap. ER visits are not cheap, even if you have insurance. That said, this confession should be worded the opposite of what it is now. It should be: "Work and the long commute take away all my mental energy. I feel mentally drained when I finally get home and get to see my family."
Anon #4 why should it be worded that way. It currently implies he has more time for his family than his does for his work. Isn't that the correct way round...?
Not sure what to tell you dude. Sounds like you are in over you head and not cut out for this line of work if you can't shift gears and get into programmer mode.