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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

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Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


I'm expected to use a bunch of old classes and packages full of WONTFIX bugs that routinely crash everything, but not patch or fix them. But no one actually reviews my work. Instead of propagating problems, I've gone cowboy and just started writing my own classes, because, seriously, fuck these guys. By the time they find out, I'll be gone.
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I tried to automate a deploy with a bash script. One syntax error later, I've nuked our test server. Double-check any code with rm, people!
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IE11 is my default browser to open links from outlook which is used in my company...
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The last time I wrote code was for my Operating Systems class this past Spring semester. It's currently the end of July.
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I am a completely self-taught programmer working purely on making video-games and I don't understand 90% of the confessions here.
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I'm tired of working with people who watch cat videos all day long.
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I really despise collaboration now that I have to deal with the consequences of everyone being open to every single fucking possibility.
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I reject all meeting invites because a few of my coworkers use meetings as a way to feel important. Also, it infuriates me when someone begins a meeting by referring to it as a "conversation." That's when I know someone just fucked me over with a five part meeting series.
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We've just been taken over by a massive American corp dealing with Outbound IVR, one of the measurable KPIs they assess developers on is "Number of lines written per day". I'm not kidding.
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I used this PHP code to count mysql table rows: $n = 0; $handle = mysql_query("SELECT * FROM table"); while ($row = mysql_fetch_row($handle)) { $n++; }
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I think responsive web design is the worst thing to happen to the corporate intranet.
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I think very little of people who prefer to waste everyone's time and communicate with meetings instead of respecting everyone's time by using email.
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In a previous company I made them use Bitbucket's online editor of their forked repositories because they didn't know what VCS is. I never pulled their changes because the code sucked.
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I spend most of my time searching for the right words to fint in a commit message. "Foo is now reachable .... attainable? ...graspable? ...handleable? ermmmmmm... exposed!"
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This one's a two parter: I use vim, and vim emulation in Intellij, and vim keybinds everywhere I possibly can. But when I see people "use" vim (or worse, vi) with the mouse and arrow keys, I feel sorry for them and wish they would stop torturing themselves.
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I think responsive web design is the worst thing to happen to the internet.
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Compared to this time last year I'm a far better developer. What really pisses me off is that I was ignorant of object-oriented development paradigms for so many years. I feel a bit of a fraud.
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I dumped my girlfriend because she was boring. I am now dating a girl who can code and uses Linux. Let it be an inspiration.
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I just did Java exam the the University, I didn't study neither the GUI part neither the I/O and Threads part, I just studied to pass the exam.
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I'm working on my game...... at work.
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Screen_shot_2014-07-15_at_5.10.08_pm This is just ironic.
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I prefer using just one monitor in nearly every circumstance. In fact, I'm more efficient with just one.
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I mentioned parser generators to a senior dev a few weeks ago as a possible solution for something, and his response was "That won't work. What is a parser generator?" That would be okay EXCEPT THAT WE WORK IN TEXT MINING.
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I never admit to meeting all the goals of a ticket when committing changes; everything is always "commit of progress on ticket requirements" regardless of how simple or complex the assignment was, and what stage of completion I'm currently at.
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class CynicalTextLineRecord()
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i gave a $git vommit command today (nothing happened)
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I don't always enjoy programming, even when working on my own ideas for my own business :S
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The movie 'The Social Network' is inspirational.
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When I finished college I thought I would be different, that I wouldn't burn out. I was so happy and positive. It's only taken 3 years for dissent to take hold. I am overwhelming negative that it will creep into all aspects of my life. I have failed.
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I've just wasted a day implementing some acceptance criteria a colleague was also implementing because he never updates JIRA properly with what he's working on. I want to kill him. Never mind the fact that I finished first and probably with a higher level of quality.
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I think I'm burned out. I have never felt so tired and bored in my life. I'm leaving this job in a month. In the last 3 weeks I did nothing but randomly surf the internet. I don't feel bad about it.
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I use Dropbox as my VCS
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I need people to understand that decisions made 5 years ago when we had nooo budget were necessary at the time. While we now have the opportunity to rework it all I would prefer that y'all just got on with it instead of ripping the old team a new one all the time.. One day your code will be legacy too..
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We are small development team, which consist of about 10 members. We using Agile. Our everyday Scrums lasted from hour to hour and half. Hate it!
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've been in the production environment for 3 years now. It's the first time i see this operator(java): |=
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I copy/pasted a co-worker's method that they've been struggling with for a week in our test automation code. I gave my version a different name of course and fixed it in about six minutes to work the way it's supposed to, because it's an important method and I can't continue my own work effectively without it. I've coached the co-worker as kindly as I know how to help them make it work properly with the other pieces of related code, but it just sits there, unchanging and...six minutes! I am anything BUT a 'rockstar programmer', but there are those times when I want to yell, "JUST GO AWAY AND LET ME DO EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!!!"
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I am writing a web application that uses ActiveX objects. Apart from having to use IE, the security requirements to run the app break our company security policy. Plus they insist on IE8 support.
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Salesforce.com is a truly wonderful product and I am going to abandon all other forms of development. There is nothing that cannot be done in SalesForce.com I only wish it would support a more functional language like SCALA or HASKELL.
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I just finished writing a function named "execute_orphans." In context, I think it's a pretty good name.
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I heard that during a meeting about code quality our lead developer stated there are no code redundancies in our code. No I am looking for a proper check in log where I just removed such a redundancy: "Removed redundant code" or rather "extracted method from similar code parts" or "there is no code redundancy" ... or rather move the checkin to waste as there are no redundancies (appearantly I must have done something wrong). I think will keep searching the internet for the words "code redundancy" the rest of the day ...
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There's a lot of "technical leads" and "senior developers" out there who talk a good game about software development and badmouth others, but haven't put any public source code of their own out there to back their shit up. They truly piss me off.
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My client asked me to change all the text on the buttons in their web app from [do action] to [click here to do action]. I did it. The client is happy. The app is measurably worse. I hate myself.
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I often overwrite own changes in configs and in result fight with own problems, because some of files are autogenerated and when I want to check something quickly i prefer editing generated file.
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Dcon i push many commits to sandbox before testing it even once locally... leaving the task of testing to QC/PM.
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I haven't touched code in 4 days because I've been rewatching Lost
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I criticised the architecture of the project im working on on a "general" basis, on a community group... with my real name... now my boss and lead are "dissapointed" Im talking about things that are private... I didnt think my name will be associated with the company, but it did.... ooopssy daisys!
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Jeff "Stack Overflow" Atwood really gets on my tits with how clever he thinks he is.
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I protected my dlls with some parameters so they return a wrong result with a chance of 0.1% if it's not my application invoking them.
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I checked in whitespace just so I could have revision # 56789
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We don't unit test. Because we don't unit test, we "integration test" our AJAX resources. And by integration test, I mean get the testers to do our white-box bidding.
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