Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I joined a multi-year project mid-way through and got actually zero onboarding so it took me a while to get proper tasks... except now I probably commit about 5-10 LOC a day to official company projects. I tell at least one of my five bosses (yes, really) every week that I only have four hours of backlogs to work on that week. This has been going on for over a year.

I've only ever enjoyed coding on my own projects. In the real world no one seems to care about coming up with neat solutions or polishing code. It's all an endless git'r'done churn, where anyone who stops to think gets left in the dust. There's also some really shitty personality traits that are widespread in this community. One is the endless one-uppance where people casually throw around obscure terms without bothering to explain them, thinking it makes them look smart. In reality it just creates artificial difficulty where of all the things I've learned only a few things were hard because they're genuinely hard, and the rest because they were never explained well. It's a colossal waste of time due to people who either don't want to or are unable to (or often, both) explain things.

I have asked my boss for more money since I do a senior job. After about one month I asked second time bicause since first time, I didn't get any answer. Since the second time also no reply. I have send 4 resumes and in 2 day got 2 Interviews already. I think I will find a new better job before he manages to answer if I am worth it.

1169 passes, 0 fails, 0 exceptions, and 282 debug messages

The people I work with are all much smarter than I am. I don't think I'll ever get a promotion.

I really wish I could fart in the office as much as I want and nobody would mind.

I let others tire themselves out with design arguments. I don't care anymore.

I hate being treated as the negative, pessimistic one when I feel the obligation to point out we won't make the unrealistic deadline.

Today I asked Ryan Epp a question about some code he wrote through snapchat.

I've coded a generic extension method: bool In<T>(this T elem, IEnumerable<T> elems); Just for the sake of laziness.

When I don't receive any alerts or warnings from my server monitoring systems throughout the day, I worry something is going badly wrong that is being missed due to a complete failure.

I keep telling myself that I'm going to pay for SizeUp, CommandQ, and Stay, which are amazing free productivity apps for Mac. It makes switching from Linux bearable -- but I never do pay for them. Condemn this please to show your agreement that I'm a bad person, and to motivate me to part from the $40 or whatever it is.

where is the scipt ?

I did a UX master but since becoming a full time developer I hate doing anything extra beyond the functional requirements.

I just spent 2-3 hours devising an elaborate scheme to only retrieve a DOM element via ajax on certain pages and remove it on others. You could also just .hide() .unhide()....

The people who impress me most are those who are good with git.

I rely on the people who carefully craft these shockingly fast CPUs, disks and networks that make my fat, high level inefficient code seem fast.

I've done the same boring grind for so long I don't know if I'm still able to create anything worthwhile anymore.

I daydream schemes to get my boss fired.

I'm scared that if I quit my job the new one will be worse.

Everytime I have to use a Stored Procedure to solve a problem, I feel like I am a very miserable and disgusting human being who deserves to have its life taken away in a brutal, gruesome way.

Sometimes I don't feel like I want to be in the house at the same time as my roommate, so instead of texting her to see if she's home, I wrote a program to poll our router every so often, and send an email to me when her phone connects / disconnects to the wifi, so I can see when she's home or not.

Thanks to the copious amounts of "talent" on my team, I don't worry about having impostor syndrome.

I'm tempted to always use the same number during all our poker planning sessions.

"It's too complicated" is a thought that has never passed my lead's mind.

"It's too complicated" is a thought that has never passed my lead's mind.

I have a special coffee cup that I use on "hard" coding days.

So burned out... Only another 40 years (approx.) of work left ahead of me.

I can't concentrate if I'm bloated after eating lunch. It usually takes me a few hours of depressurisation before I can get back in the zone.

Hqdefault Working for state TV channel, after many hours of debuging found the problem on a magic_quote call on a PHP script. Removed the call but did not code any escape alternative, leaving the code open to code-injection.

I hate firebird with every fiber of my existence.

Even though it's completely unfair, when I hear someone describe himself as a "Java guy" I instantly assume he's an idiot who's proud of himself for picking the lowest-hanging fruit.

I've been developing javascript stuff commercially for the past 6 years and I've only just discovered the "debugger;" command...

I fix lock performance issues by just copying data structures and switching the reference in an unatomic way.

I heavily modify all keyboard shortcuts in my programming productivity apps (editor, terminal multiplexer, etc) without first learning the defaults. I can't use a vanilla install of nearly any tool in my repertoire without also installing my custom configurations.

My manager misunderstood a piece of API magic I did as a side project and showed off a little around the office. Now I'm 6 feet deep in an impossible project, all of which hinges on Magic, which he bid out without consulting me, and I may lose my job over.

"Did you clear your cache?" is my new IT phrase for "Did you turn it off and on?" This usually buys me enough time to fix the real issues.

I wish I were a better speaker. I can never properly explain my ideas, problems or opinions.

Team leader decided that a mid-sprint meeting was useful. I think it's another waste of time.

I consider bad coders those who use indentation shortcuts: you should write good-looking code in the first place, no matter the IDE tools.

More often than not, our team lead arrives just minutes after the rest of the team does the morning scrum. I think that's pretty scummy.

Anytime a request starts with the word "Just" I resent it.

I lose about an hour of work every morning. I work for a company that has been doing pretty well lately, and yet the IT department is working with dated machines that pack a 32-bit OS, and as if that wasn't enough they put a lot of tracking software that takes a lot of memory. When I get to work, the AV is running and the machine is crawling, just doing the necessary restart takes about 10 minutes. By the time the machine is back to 'workable' status, I've lost time and more importantly, I've lost whatever desire I had to work on whatever task I had my mind set on.

No matter what I'm working on, I'd rather do something else.

I love refactoring code; I just find it so relaxing to take something terrible and try to make it beautiful.

i hate unicode and slack.

I think there should be a special level of hell reserved for those so arrogant that they will never consider even once that they might be wrong. Trying to explain an error they made to them is impossible.

My most used debugger tool by far is print/log statements.

I hate programmers who add features on top of features not because it was asked for but because there's a non-zero chance it might be useful to somebody, somewhere, in the future.

The douchebag project manager sitting next to our team talks loudly on the phone all day without regard to the people working around him. I want to take his phone receiver and jam it down his fucking throat.