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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

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Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Even 'knowing' that you're capable of doing things doesn't help combat Impostor Syndrome. What the heck, man.

NoSQL, NoAgile, NoGit, NoTest, Absolutely NoThing.

My predecessor left so many broken code, that now when I need to fix a specific case, I always end up duplicating a broken function, renaming the copy with a postfix like "_nobrainfuck" or "_nowronghack", and using the copy where the bug has been found. If I fix the function so that it works as it was once intended to do, I create more bugs than I fix....it seems to me that this kind of work is the ultimate programmer decline....

It's not a bug. It's a missing test case.

I have spent too much time solving www.hackerrank.com programming puzzles. In Functional Programming I am within top 10 participants from the UK. Instead doing something that would help me to get next programming job I wasted my time. Now I am facing prospects of poverty. Hackerrank gave me distorted view of my skills. People who interviewed me for jobs didn't like it. What is the best career change for former programmers? My situation is becoming hopeless.

Right now, I have a group of 12 people doing a stand-up 17 inches away from the back of my chair. I don't know who they are or what they do, I can't concentrate on my work and I think I'll just give up for the remainder of the day.

For whatever reason I can't seem to get a job at a company working on projects that aren't a total over-budget past-due security-hole shit-storm disasters.

Where is the next thing...Fuck Agile!

Our requirements - minimum & bear no relation to the reality. Our documentation - ancient & irrelevant. Our system architecture - we use an IOC container w/ mappers because we can. Our unit tests - weak. Our developers - unmotivated and chase Pokemon. Our bosses - forced to change their mind every week. This is the reality of agile development

I linked our C++ DLL project to dwmapi, which is Microsoft's API for the Desktop Window Manager. Now Windows Defender flags our DLL as malware. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I just downloaded the latest version of SourceTree recently, along with the latest embedded Mercurial version. Now the way shelves work is fucked up, and I want to murder whoever made carrying over uncommitted changes to a different revision so goddamn inconvenient.

The key to being a good developer in a Scrum environment is to not view agile as a measurement of success/failure, but instead simply as a way to keep track. I finally get it, and Scrum doesn't scare me anymore!!!

Other items mysteriously enter the sprint on higher ups request. We never have time, the growing workload is demoralising and there are prioritisation issues and the new items aren't specced out. Its happens so much I've stopped arguing.

I was asked to convert a windows server 2013 program to a Red Hat 7 server. I asked my PM for permissions to create a folder seeing as access was denied, he asked me for a business case. I spent the last 7 hours creating a professional business case for a folder...

I spent the last two days trying to figure out why the output on a page (php-based project) was having formatting issues. After testing in every way I could think of, the problem turned out to be a variable name I was inserting as an argument in a function. I changed the name, and everything was peachy. My confession is that I have a terrible case of imposter syndrome. I feel like I have been able to survive as a programmer because I'm a great problem solver, but only an ok programmer. I would never make it without google.

I wish there was a site like this that was 99% complaining. And that more people visited it / posted.

We're so Agile, all of our week's code, which we spent a lot of time ensuring was of high quality, has been scrapped and we're having to write an alternative. I need a new job.

I sometimes wonder if this site has any kind of validation against irrelevant posts, such as this one.

I used to never get sick, at most, once every few years or so. Ever since the open office floor plan became en vogue again, I feel like shit every single day it seems like.

Our company uses AccuRev, a version control system that makes Noose-Tying For Dummies look like a pretty captivating read.

I sold an auto-generated logo from one of those "Logo generator"-sites for 4 times what i paid for it.

Our manager doesn't understand coding. A colleague of mine delayed the review of my code 7 months and said he had important changes to do. His important changes were to change the case of a variable, move an include to another header file, move 2 lines that define 2 local variables and delete the most important comment... He does this several times. He does this all the time and he doesn't really check the code. The other time he renamed our most used variable and changed one line in my code to produce a100 lines diff and he deleted 2 lines that made everything misfunction. I suspect he is getting paid by the line and I really want to make a 10 line change with bugs and leave him rename everything so that his name appears in blame one day. Maybe the day before I leave the company.

I'm banging out a MVP for a startup. I'm the sole developer and the code is soo bad I'm embarassed. All the sorts of things I said I'd never do, I'm doing in the name of getting it done. I'll rewrite it all once I have time, I swear.

CQRS - A way to decrease productivity when building an overengineered web application.

I think containers are a becoming a bit of a fad. They're nice as a lighter replacement for what people used to do with VMs, i.e. run many relatively complete systems in isolation. However, when people use them to set up development environments that they jump in and out of constantly, they usually add way more complexity than they're worth. This is from practical experience.

TFS is a nightmare, and in my experience nothing short of a liability. For instance, in my case bindings keep disappearing randomly. I don't know why it happens, but I can tell you it's related to the fact that it's a bloated over-engineered piece of shit tool.

Once again I'm working with a single-page website mockup the suits call a wireframe. The user is supposed to input some data and select from some preloaded data. Where the preloaded selections come from is an unknown. Where the data goes is similarly unknown. The 'wireframe' uses a dozen style sheets, over 40 javascript files, and an equal number of .png files. Only three of the image files are real, the balance are used to represent various controls. All is OK because the documentation is in a foreign language.

I don't know if anybody else has come across this issue, but there are times when I'm extremely motivated to work on something, and then either half way through it I'll just suddenly lose interest, or before loading up VS I just can't seem to push myself to want to work on anything.

A coworker demands a time-out and a discussion in private when you suggest code improvements in reviews, like replacing big sections of code with just a few lines. When you bring up the importance of code clarity, he interrupts you with "is it broken?" over and over. Often it is broken, and either way there's no way to convince yourself that his original code works, since it's unreadable. He also likes to accidentally leave debugging output and no-op/commented-out code behind, because he can't even get an overview of his own code. Lord have a little mercy...

I never know which string conversion functions to use.

I've started smoking with my manager, since then, our communication has significantly improved.

Writing boring and useless software makes me want to kill myself.

I really don't know how people can work as developers in the financial sector. Derivatives and trading, mixing with suits surely has to be the most soul-destroying job.

Fed up of people judging agile methodology on the poor implementations of it at their work place.

<%@ page contentType="text/html" pageEncoding="UTF-8"%> <!-- blank.jsp --> <%// NOTHING TO DO ON THIS PAGE!%> <!-- end blank.jsp --> I'm glad this is still currently included in all jsp pages for this app. A real joy to work on.

For those of you that are full stack web developers, how can you still tolerate doing this every day?

I seriously think the same mental processes that allowed Agile and Scrum to become popular despite sucking so hard are what allowed the nazis to take over Germany. You have the true believers (Agile can do no wrong, only you), the enablers who don't dare speak up because they assume there might at least be *something* there if it's that popular, and finally a relatively small group of people who sees stupid obfuscated bullshit for what it is and calls it out. Godwin's law and all that - it doesn't make it false.

I've only been a professional developer for less than five years. I started doing basic programming when I was a young kid. I knew then that this wasn't a wise career choice. I just don't have the temperament for this kind of work. Yet, here I am, all these years later, programming and hating every second of it. Am I supposed to be time tracking how much of each day I think about killing myself?

Sometimes when I'm done with my work for the day and want to appear as if I'm still doing it or when I still haven't got an idea of how to implement something but want to appear as if I'm already working on it, I type nursery rhymes on my keyboard for the keyboard noise.

I negociated a low salary because I just had a short web experience after the flash debacle and tought I was not good enough. I then worked with 5 different expert consultant paid twice my salary, saw and fixed part of their mess (what I could as their productivity to produce problems was indeed higher than my capacity to fix it). They moved to better paid, bigger name position and I moved to a even lower salary, at least I wont be there when the client will realise they paid a fortune for low quality work. Agile, yeah right as in "fragile".

I did not answer "what is an anonymous class" question in a job interview after more than 8 years of programming experience. I used a lot of anonymous classes in my code and basicly know the definition, I have SCJP, just forgot it at that moment... :)

Our scrum master lines us up in a row and goes down the line like a drill sergeant.

Black Lives Don't Matter.

I will never again work together with an startup owner who's also the CTO and the key backend developer. Every time I won an technical argument he decided the opposite. Simply because HE was the boss.

A person who is dumb enough to watch watch TV although he owns a PC and a internet connection doesn’t deserve it better.

I want an open office environment.

return ((IsAvailable() == true ) && (waiting == false));

After four straight years in an open office environment I have found my attention span to be damaged perhaps beyond repair, and my ability to focus and concentrate on development tasks severely damaged as well. Right now I have three completely unrelated conversations going on within a four foot radius of me. I barely can concentrate enough to type this.

I just don't want to anymore.