Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

reading the confessions on this website i realize how many idiots are writing code.
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While I watch sitcoms 80% of my worktime, team is busy reimplementing multicolumn indexes by casting fields to VARCHAR. Can't wait for them to finish and show order of magnitude difference with DB built-ins.
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I didn't start this job as a programmer; I just wrote a couple programs in VBScript while doing my other job and they liked what I did so they started training me in C# and ASP.NET, which I had 0 prior experience working with. Once I started to finally get a hang of it they decided all our websites should be converted to MVC. I have been "self-training" with various coding tutorial websites on the job, now I've been given the task of converting a website to MVC but I still have almost no idea what I'm doing. I'm about a month in and I've accomplished next to nothing. I'm terrified of losing my position but I just can't grasp the concept of MVC for some reason.
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I sometimes put RIGHT JOINs in my stored procedures just to confuse people.
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OOP PHP developer is like an island in the middle of the ocean.
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Randomly commenting swear words in development code and then forgetting to remove during team code revisions with the man paying my salary. At least he has a good sense of humor and pointed out that I forgot a few.
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I don't know agile. My career trajectory thus far has prevented me from being in teams/environments where we can learn/be agile. I'm now unemployed. Who would hire someone who doesn't know agile?
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Last week I told my boss I needed to work from home to get two days worth of work done in one day (which not only was the truth, but also what ended up happening). This prompted a discussion the next day about the work from home policy and what was considered a "valid" reason to work from home. This week, I told my boss I needed to work from home to watch my son for an hour while my wife goes to the dentist. I was told this was fine, and haven't heard anything else about the matter.
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I love this site and want to introduce it to my co-workers but I am scared of what will happen when they see all the confessions about them and their code.
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I've released something on GitHub that has become very very popular and obviously solves a problem that many real developers were not able to solve in a clean, useable, future-proof and good way. Weird thing is, I'm not even a developer, I'm working in something completely different. This makes me really think.
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My senior collegue just sent me - junior - a link to a blog article with the notice "hey, have a look at this, maybe it helps you". The blog article was written by me. Years ago. Everything in this situation is wrong. Everything. I feel so underrated.
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I botched a job interview recently. One interviewer was asking me pointed questions about my resume that kept throwing me off-base, then I'd get a softball-pitch like "describe a service that consumes JSON" and would stumble with it.
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I feel an inner peace when i write generic functions that can be reused throughout an entire application.
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I have no idea how to design or follow any kind of software architecture, I know what some commands do though...
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After a very stressful morning and 8 hours of coding, I abandoned work for the day with just leaving this comment in the source: // @todo refactor this bullshit I fear I will never do this.
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Our Project Lead has no clue about "coding". I abuse this to excuse an unproductive day, when surfing facebook for 6 hours. I invent problems that never existed. It always works. (He does not know how to check svn or even if we are really having such a component in the application). I do this because he earns all the laurels for everything the team achieves.
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confessing on behalf of a coleague: so the task was to create a kernel, this was some years ago. In order to make things "work" with the least amount of effort, I created a symlink so that /bin/tcsh pointed to /bin/sh. My coleagues found out years later, when some automation scripts broke.
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I asked for a new notebook at work, because I am on an old Centrino M machine that drives me crazy every day and half of my work time gets lost in waiting for the notebook to recognize I moved the mouse. I will now get another Centrino M machine, which is SLIGHTLY better. Maybe it will accidently fall out of the window. Or catch fire. But certainly not before the old one is disposed.
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public List<RecordField> buildFullListOfBoilerplateFields() <= I just made that. Time to go to sleep
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I hate that so many good developers are underpaid because they focus on writing code instead of trying to move up the ladder, and so many terrible developers get PM/Lead positions because they focus more on looking good than actually doing good work. I think it's a huge problem in the industry and I don't see it ever getting better. Isn't capitalism supposed to reward effort and skill rather than ass kissing and lies?
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A client requested we display information in all caps (Name Address etc). I was too lazy to modify the view, so instead I changed the base controller to toUpper all Strings. Now we need a CaseSensitiveString class for information that is validated with case sensitivity (passwords, usernames etc)
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I've launched a plugin and put in github, but I don't intend to support it
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It's Friday 4pm and our project manager already went into weekend. Productivity dropped by 80%
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I work at the very recognizable and enormous research organisation located in Geneva. At least 30 - 40 % of mantime of team we loose to struggle with other software teams, and our "sophisticated" & ancient environment.
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I'm working to change my organization, but think I'm going to have to "change my organization" as in leave. We have so much technical debt that no one wants to fix, and no matter how much initiative I take to fix little problems, I can't do it alone (I don't even have commit rights to lots of things!)--and no one likes a hero, anyway.
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Can I deny installing software (Office) on my laptop that will certainly bloat it and slow it down since the laptop is my personal property and the company has not given me a work machine?
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As a remote worker, I read with longing confessions of people who get the luxury of showing up to work and [skinning Facebook like Eclipse] [playing 2048 command line] [pulling up an IDE and everyone assumes you're working] [developing personal projects on the clock] [other non-work task performed while at work to pass the time]. I have to account for every hour of my day because otherwise I am clearly doing any one of the abovelisted things.
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Every release cycle, development highlights areas of code that desperately need refactoring. Every release cycle, management promises that we will get time "in the future" to do these critical refactors. Instead, our time is eaten by new features that we "promised" (sales promised) would be delivered to customers by a certain date, and the refactor time turns into "hack new fucking features in" time. The product has deteriorated into a Frankenstein monster full of code smells so bad that it makes Cthulhu's asshole seem like a bouquet of roses in comparison. These last minute features make the code hacky-er, which leads to more bugs, which leads to more hacks to fix those bugs, etc. etc.. I swear, if I have to check in one more last minute feature request hack, I'm going to quit.
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I come here to confess dumb things that other people have done just so that I can see it rightly condemned.
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I like blinking text.
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I'm considering ripping off someones JS code, because their pricing model would result in WAY too much money for such a simple component. I think some people should realize that we live in an age where components can be reused over various platforms, and that javascript isn't JUST used for websites anymore. "Site licenses" become very complicated when you are just trying to integrate their .JS component as a control within an application that might get distributed to thousands of customers. (if you are confused by this ... see "awesomium" for example .. of how browser components are turned into real components within windows applications). Thousands of customers x 50 british pounds ... is ridiculous.
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I don't get bash scripts
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I left a job as a lead dev for a higher standard company. The only problem is that everyone here has at least double my experience and have at least 3 times my knowledge. I have been burning the midnight oil lately in a desperate try to catch up, however I am afraid that I will not make up for it in time and I might lose my job. I resent that coz I have never failed as a programmer so far :(
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I went for an interview at samsung research center with macbook and ipad, I'v been bragging all the time about how much IOS is better then android from programmers perspective. ... got the job :/
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I used to complain a lot about a particular piece of software my company makes; it's buggy, inconsistent and slow. A few weeks ago, I was given a small piece of work to do on it, and I took the opportunity to look at the source. Now instead of just complaining about it, I'm amazed that it runs at all.
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I used to hate Java due to Eclipse's default font and syntax highlighting, now after researching the language more, I can't believe that I didn't go with Java from the start.
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I told a colleague of respectable coding prowess that a certain derpveloper of ours loves Spaghetti. He didn't get it.
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I broke the mail server for a week and nobody noticed. We have no tests, reviews, or dependency management. QA is comprised of individual, manual testing on production-incompatible development machines.
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My company started firing engineers and is hiring in marketing and management people. Should i be worried?
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I think that the "Github/blog resume" thing needs to die. I work with code over 8 hours a day. Yes, I use git every day. No, I don't get "20% Time". Yes, I'm interested in learning new tech. No, I don't want to blog about it. What am I supposed to prove--that I'm super-creative, that I'll code for 14 hours straight or that I have no life outside the computer?
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The more I have to deal with ruby, its plugins, all of their external dependency management, all of the software that manages the external dependency management-- all for the single webapp that needs ruby,-- the more I feel like some extraterrestrial rootkit is taking over this server. Is that normal?
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I get more nervous after answering a StackOverflow question than I do when I'm interviewing for a job. Probably because I can bullshit my way through a job interview, but SO never hesitates to point out if I've been doing something stupid.
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My colleagues sprinkle behaviour-changing feature toggles all over the code base. I move the recurring ones into a mix of states, strategies, and factories to centralise logic and reduce human error potential. I worry daily that I'm an Architect, I know for certain my colleagues are Neanderthals, and I'm not sure which is worse.
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Been programming since 12, graduated 2nd in class at university, still loving it. Now programming for a year as a job and I'm sick of it!
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I'm tired of working with "geniuses" and "smartest guy in the room" types, because inevitably, they aren't. I'm actually actively looking for boring Enterprise jobs where I'll write crap code for crap intranet apps.
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i have real concerns about the amount of information humanity is generating/storing. both physical and cosmic concerns.
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My company won't promote me to lead developer because of my age.
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I really resent that we're supposed to be so fucking jazzed about what we do.
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I'm the only one at my job that knows how to use git without a GUI.
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The other devs I work with constantly complain about git having constant merge conflicts, but they refuse to develop in branches, and don't know what a rebase is.
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