Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Couldn't think of a good way to do something. So I used reflection.
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I've always loved two things; writing and programming. I actually wrote a short novel in college, but when I couldn't find anyone who would publish it I decided that I should be a programmer so that I could make money, since I was better at it and enjoyed it just as much. Every day I wistfully wonder if I made the right decision.
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Tired of working on enterprise apps, looking forward to become a team lead and then a PM an writing state of the art code only for my hobby projecs.
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It's a short week. Nobody's coming into the office after Wednesday for (American) Thanksgiving. I guess now's a good opportunity to waste a bunch of time trying to add a some new tools into my workflow and seeing what sticks.
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I actually like doing documentation. It feels great having everything organized in indexes, data dictionaries, and comments, among other things.
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I hate when my colleagues leave me with a shitty spec, goes awol on any kind of instant messaging software and I am left there to create a shitty implementation of unnecessary software, Oh, and it gotta be done today. :)
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I have no idea what I'm doing.
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Facebook API for Android has one of the worst documentations ever. Then again, almost no public documentation is usefull, and a Stack Overflow post is usually shorter, faster and most importantly, it works.
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Can you say that you have ever worked on a project that was given enough time to be well designed and then was written with care and adding new functionalities to it is a pleasure ? And the whole thing happened in a small/mid company ?
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alias gitblast='git commit -a -m "gitblast"; git push'
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I overengineer things.
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Whenever I hear "that's never happened to me before" from a coworker I want to stab them, because 3 out of ever five times I can reproduce the issue and then learn that it's happening to them, too, and they're just not paying attention.
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I live behind a popular brewery/pub in my town. They have a really delicious IPA made of pure hops that I really enjoy. Every Sunday it is half price, and I go in there in the evening and drink my fill then stumble home. Monday mornings during the daily Scrum stand-up I constantly cut silent-but-deadly farts that smell like zombie turds. Nobody knows it's me and I don't care because screw Scrum anyway.
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I've been programming since Junior High, and I always dreamed of getting a job as a programmer. I finally got hired at 21, and I remember being shocked that my managers didn't know how to write anything but basic stuff, and absolutely floored that there were no programmers in the executive staff... Naive I guess... Now I'm impressed when a manager opens a terminal and knows 'ls' and 'cd', or knows that Java and JS aren't the same thing. This field has made me terribly cynical, I guess is what I'm confessing.
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I'm damn good at code conception, edge cases thinking, and making robust code...My colleague is damn good at making quick code that is neither done, nor to do. My work mostly consists of fixing poorly architectured, poorly wirtten, uncommented, untested, that just "fakes working" code. I'm tired...I often want to just yell "f*ck*ng let me write this from start"
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I took a module for a software used in the Ariane 4 and just used in the Ariane 5 rocket, which happened to crash due to a stupid type conversion error 36 seconds after start. I could have checked the module for errors before using it, but i was just too lazy. Well i hope this site is anonymous, else I'm in trouble.
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I'm sick and tired of building CRUD Web application after CRUD Web application. It's solving the same problem, in the same way, with the same tools, over and over again. I want to move into back-end development but the only jobs here are for even more CRUD Web applications. It's severely demotivating.
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Every time I have to use Xamarin Studio I die a little inside.
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I can tell I'm going to have a shitty day if I open my laptop and my IDE is already open.
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My employers encourage me to put in "band-aid" fixes and hacks into existing hacks just because it will be faster. I hate them so much.
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Some days, I reflect and realize that our product is a massive bloated aging platform doomed to perpetual mediocraty. Giving my all to improve it is like a drop in the ocean. And that makes me sad.
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When I'm bored, I arpspoof my colegues and replace words in their browsers
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I make a point of using Powershell extensively, because it intimidates my coworkers
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Apparently it's common practice in my company to intertwine PHP into JQuery code....
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I really like TypeScript :)
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For a long time I felt bad for web developers, because I know how much of a pain styles and such can be, and they take so much crap from "real" devs... then I spent a weekend with Node and Bootstrap building an aesthetically pleasing, functional web app. I no longer feel bad for them, they have it fucking easy nowadays.
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Our software release must not exceed 300Kb to fit on the target board. To make the limit, I reduced one png file from 154 bytes to 123. I don't know whether I should celebrate or cry.
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I have no actual talent in this industry. I just try really hard and have a good memory. I envy you guys.
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After I planned all aspects of my next hobby project and solved all big problems in my head, I lose all motivation to do said project. It's just not exciting anymore.
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I am currently merging and managing code with WinMerge
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I work for a startup. A lot of my coworkers will work 7am-6pm days, no lunch, even when there is no time-critical work to be done...I'm definitely a strict 9-5 guy (unless work requires it). I feel like maybe I'm not giving enough for the "startup worklife."
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I feel uncomfortable when I am reminded I work on a low-cost geo... I feel like a second-class citizen... I know it's true, but can you please NOT remind me I do the same work as the US/Europe guys for 1/3rd of the price in dollars?
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My coworkers don't realize I suffer from crippling depression because I'm remote and pretend I don't spend days without ever leaving the couch. Then they bitch about how I work harder than any of them and make them look bad, when really, I just respond instantly to emails at every hour of the night or day because I have nothing else in my life.
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I make some 110K USD as a front-end dev, and still grumble about my pay being too low.
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I tell people I do js unit testing, but I really have no clue.
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My hobby project is on its fourth rewrite, in its third language.
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When I get bored at work, I delete rows from tables and then rollback the transaction.
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If I hear one more bullshit marketing buzzword I might kill someone. Possibly myself
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A bug cropped up in production but could not be reproduced in the dev environment. From the production logs, I guessed what could have cause the bug and committed a fix for it, without any testing. Now the bug is fixed.
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I started a new job recently, and whenever I hear someone complain about the "legacy" code, I want to beat them, then take them on a field trip to my old office... because I used to work with Perl developers.
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I wrote Python in a Linux environment for years, and am nnow constantly amazed by how much my "just works" Windows workstation makes simple dev tasks in the Java world ridiculously complicated.
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Our CTO spent half of our weekly dev meeting today telling us how to account for a shorter than usual, early or late lunch period on the time sheets we now have to print out and hand in since the company is growing and we have doubled the tech staff and need to get that under control. Never mind that we can't build anything we have without hacks, and after that deliver what we built without an all hands on deck fire drill and more hacks.
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Our teamlead dismisses bugs on the basis that "our users aren't smart enough to find that"
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I was going to use/make some sort of DOMBuilder class, but ended up with a series of if statements for my formbuilder functions. ._. I feel dirty now.
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Sometimes I see bugs in my code that could lead to people being able to cheat the code in my games but honestly sometimes I just don't have the will to even fix it so I just leave it.
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As the new guy I was asked to set up build machine jobs and jumped at it. It turns out nothing we have builds without having the right collection of DLL's in a special directory in the root of the C drive and without checking out specific yet uncertain branches of 23 different source code trees. I bet my CTO, the former lead developer $1000 he could not do it either and I am still walking around with 10 crisp Benjamin's in my pocket.
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Just got assigned to working on the companies latest and greatest work in progress, an SPA implementation of our flagship product. It turns out the browser has to download over 200 JavaScript files, views, controllers, services, factories just to get to the login page. While I am happy to be included, I think we may be doing it wrong, and we have not even really started.
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I'm only making $0.90 more per hour doing software development here than I was taking out the trash. Yes, I'm still hourly and no, I still can't park in the front parking lot. I barely make enough to pay all my bills without fear of losing my food budget. The only reason I'm not looking for a new job is because I'm afraid of being fired for being transgender at a more uptight company.
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When I first started working for a small dev team (5 people). They kept all their projects in a folder on the company's file server. I introduced them to VCS and had to explain to them over and over why it was a good idea. I'm an intern.
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I sort of like working with Joomla
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