Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I spent a Saturday doing nothing but deleting rotten stuff from our codebase. I'd do it again. It was awesome.
absolve ( 14 ) condemn ( 3 )

I got tired of explaining to my manager that Java and javascript are not the same thing so now I just nod and go along but I feel embarrassed doing it whenever someone else is around that I can tell is either smart enough or has the right background that they know the difference.
absolve ( 7 ) condemn ( 1 )

I don't give a shit about "pure functions".
absolve ( 2 ) condemn ( 20 )

I fart every day on other devs and they don't even know it.
absolve ( 5 ) condemn ( 24 )

I'm addicted to refactoring shitty code
absolve ( 24 ) condemn ( 1 )

At an old job, because they piled a bunch of new responsibilities on me, refused to give me compensation for the new responsibilities and hired a contractor to "lead" over me who absolutely new nothing about technology, I designed a key piece of software to... expire... after I knew I would be gone from the job. Because nobody but me understood the language, let alone programming, I made it look like it was checking network latency when it was actually checking the server time. As of July 2014, it stopped working and there is no source code for them to find.
absolve ( 13 ) condemn ( 26 )

Central to our process are flat files generated from a database and sent to mainframe to be processed. We've decided we need to start moving from 6 digit date to 8 digit date in our data and thus in our export format (finally). To do this, we're adding the 8 digits on to the end of the file. Our COBOL programmer wants to store a 6 digit date still, for programs that haven't been converted over, which I can understand. I can't understand though why he insists we still need to send the 6 digit date though as well as the 8 digit, he can't just copy the 6 relevant digits into the 6 digit storage space.
absolve ( 6 ) condemn ( 4 )

In the past three weeks I've been struggling with motivation. Until today. I got more stuff done in half a day than on the whole past week.
absolve ( 15 ) condemn ( 2 )

Our senior guy doesn't want to start coding until he's thought of every case, even those we haven't foreseen yet from users we don't have.
absolve ( 5 ) condemn ( 8 )

We had a consultant come in to help with the backlog. He was being paid senior developer money (about twice what I make), and we had to explain to him what "this" meant as well as how to access TFS and install SQL Server on his machine. He quit after a week saying he was "uncomfortable" but wouldn't elaborate. Is it wrong that I'm happy he's gone, even though it means more work? I've determined "uncomfortable" means "unskilled" in this instance. I have also requested that all consultants get a senior developer interview before we allow them to touch code.
absolve ( 17 ) condemn ( 2 )

I have so little work to do that I typically get my assignments done in a couple of hours and spend the rest of the week playing Clash of Clans and Hobbit:Kingdoms of Middle Earth on my iPad until they come up with something for me to do, or something breaks.
absolve ( 8 ) condemn ( 5 )

absolve ( 5 ) condemn ( 20 )

I am a .NET developer and I have an old iphone without internet.
absolve ( 10 ) condemn ( 5 )

Untitled Today I installed bash support in my IDE. After installing the plugin I get interesting things in my log:
absolve ( 4 ) condemn ( 10 )

I had to check if the user presses a mouse button outside a div area, and blur listeners don't work with divs. So I attached a mousedown listener to the window, and had the code trigger if the event's target isn't the div or any of its child elements. Somehow I feel like this isn't the most optimal solution, but at least it works.
absolve ( 13 ) condemn ( 1 )

I'm nearing graduation after 4 years of compsci and I'm so burnt out I'm not sure I want to pursue a career in programming any more.
absolve ( 17 ) condemn ( 1 )

I just finished interviewing a "senior" ruby developer, when I asked him what aspects of ruby he'd like to learn more about or understand better he answered simply: "hashes"
absolve ( 7 ) condemn ( 4 )

I used to do a lot of innovative coding, but had trouble verbally presenting my past work in job interviews. I eventually learned how to talk the talk, and got so good at it, I found I could, via the smart exploitation of recruiters, land good paying jobs fairly regularly. Then I got so good at it, the disconnect between "talking the talk" and my real work got so large, I found it simpler to just forego the real work. I have held well-paying jobs for about 10 years now, doing increasingly less and less real work with each one. I am now trying to see how far I can push this, and my conscience is appalled, but my wallet is flush with cash. I have now done zero work for at least 2 years now, but still wow 'em in job interviews.
absolve ( 14 ) condemn ( 12 )

I've been called a 'douchebag' in the comments to my Coding Confessional posts, and at first I felt really bad. But a few weeks on, I really have to wonder what kind of douchebag would go on Coding Confessional to call someone a douchebag.
absolve ( 19 ) condemn ( 7 )

I've learned that most of my work becomes redundant with the next update of the framework I happen to be using, while at the same time the update causes unforeseen bugs that render the project undeployable. I have adapted by just not doing any work, and when it comes time to deploy, I tell everyone that the latest framework update has a bug, and move the deadline to when I expect the next framework update to occur. Now that framework updates come every 2 weeks, I can reliably push the project forward indefinitely without anyone ever finding out I don't do any work.
absolve ( 3 ) condemn ( 11 )

I've discovered that working at a company your parent's have heard of also means working with a monstrous legacy code base. =(
absolve ( 20 ) condemn ( 4 )

The PM keeps saying "when rubber hits the road". I think he should say "When shit hits the fan".
absolve ( 14 ) condemn ( 4 )

I build frameworks and highly reusable code during my work hours not only because I know it's best for the project I'm working on, but also because I know I will recycle the code in my personal projects.
absolve ( 33 ) condemn ( 5 )

I found this comment in some C++ code from when I first started programming as a kid: // I don't know what this function does but the dummies book has it so don't touch it
absolve ( 18 ) condemn ( 4 )

I do about 90% of my job at home working at night and on the weekends due to a chaotic open floor plan and Agile meetings. The 10 hours per day I spend in the office are dedicated to meetings, conference calls, and dealing with office politics and a constant throbbing headache.
absolve ( 9 ) condemn ( 24 )

I copy paste all of my jquery document ready statements just because im too lazy to write them. In fact, a substancial amount of my development now consists of copy pasting snippets of code from my previous projects or other people's code.
absolve ( 8 ) condemn ( 9 )

I am seriously considering replacing our abortion of a test system with a assert(true) ... or a p4 obliterate.
absolve ( 9 ) condemn ( 4 )

I am jquery
absolve ( 2 ) condemn ( 25 )

I just want a job that doesn't completely revolve around Google Analytics et al.
absolve ( 9 ) condemn ( 2 )

I'm a game developer and I hate playing games.
absolve ( 25 ) condemn ( 21 )

We decided to let me focus on critical path development by temporarily cutting me out of meetings and our normal process, so now my office is a revolving door for people who want to ask a "quick question" every thirty seconds.
absolve ( 8 ) condemn ( 6 )

Sometimes I just have to take a break from staring blankly at my IDE screen. So I come on here and scroll from top to bottom clicking "condemn" until I get bored of it.
absolve ( 9 ) condemn ( 30 )

When I was learning how to program for the first time years ago, I began by scripting in batch for the command prompt. When I began to learn C#, most of my methods ran batch commands in the background.
absolve ( 7 ) condemn ( 15 )

After several jobs where I've seen agile/scrum implementations fail spectacularly, I'm glad to have a job that doesn't "do scrum". Reading through job openings and seeing "agile" or "scrum" makes me cringe instantly. I don't ever want to work with that again
absolve ( 17 ) condemn ( 4 )

Yesterday i was so pissed off at editing someone's else html code i started spacing elements with <br /> tags just to get my job done quicker.
absolve ( 6 ) condemn ( 11 )

I feel guilty for writing advanced/complex code that other devs on the team may not understand.
absolve ( 25 ) condemn ( 8 )

Frameworks are for the weak.
absolve ( 10 ) condemn ( 34 )

The longer I am on this site, the more I think about alternative career options.
absolve ( 20 ) condemn ( 4 )

I wonder how much this website is contributing to my current demotivation at work...
absolve ( 16 ) condemn ( 3 )

I hate incompetent joomla extension developers
absolve ( 8 ) condemn ( 1 )

I always have great ideas for projects. I write them down. We only half implement half of them. I imagine its because we always try out new things and once we learn them... we drop the idea and keep the knowledge.
absolve ( 10 ) condemn ( 0 )

After 2 years using my employer's Steelcase Leap chair, I finally discovered the Seat Depth feature - previously always confused with Seat Height. I don't want a new chair anymore...
absolve ( 8 ) condemn ( 3 )

I got this customer who have paid well for the past 4-5 years. I used to rely on them for work each and every month, so I always had something to fall back on. Now when I'm doing a startup and am low on cash, they suddenly changed their own core business and I'm the poorest fuck on earth. I secretly wish their entire infrastructure to come down burning, so they will have to call me. (I would not cause it however, I'm not that kind of guy.)
absolve ( 21 ) condemn ( 5 )

I spent all morning talking about functional programming, no regrets.
absolve ( 20 ) condemn ( 7 )

17:58 and I just accidentally ran sudo poweroff on my desktop instead of the ssh'd machine... text editors, the windows vm, all gone... I wont even bother checking... time to go home!
absolve ( 21 ) condemn ( 2 )

I miss programming in ActionScript.
absolve ( 8 ) condemn ( 24 )

The only programming language that I am really good at is PHP.
absolve ( 17 ) condemn ( 24 )

I stored redundant, denormalized one-to-many foreign key information in a MySQL text field because a boolean search of the fulltext index I put on it was an order of magnitude faster than anything else I tried for the ridiculous query I was asked to write.
absolve ( 8 ) condemn ( 9 )

My coworkers abuse jQuery. jQuery('#ft-revealgroup .ft-allinarow').each(function(){ if ( jQuery(this).children('.ft-formelem:nth-child(1)').children('div').children('input').attr('value')) { cost += (parseInt(jQuery(this).children('.ft-formelem:nth-child(5)').children('div').children('input').attr('value')) * jQuery(this).children('.ft-formelem:nth-child(3)').children('div').children('input').attr('value')); income += parseInt(jQuery(this).children('.ft-formelem:nth-last-child(2)').children('div').children('input').attr('value')); } });
absolve ( 0 ) condemn ( 34 )

I realised today that I was creating in Java a buffer reader to a file which multiple threads were spawned to use at the same time and the code was working fine no issue. Oopsie Should note I have since rectified the potential issue!
absolve ( 5 ) condemn ( 6 )