Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I don't trust Indian recruiters. They have never gotten me a single interview. I am a former Apple and Amazon lead engineer. That alone should get a few curious interview requests.

An asshole architect just doubled the length of my team's stand-up because he doesn't know how to communicate at the right time in the right setting. Thanks to this motherfucker, I need to take a xanax prettymuch every morning.

My laptop blue screens every time I pick it up off my desk : |

I've pretty much given up. Today I will make around 500-600 bucks for sitting in a cubicle and staring blankly at a monitor.

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I like writing powershell scripts much more than I anticipated I would.

Ship is sinking! I'm like the rats that leave the ship before its gone! Fuck the captain, he just care about his ship, I care about my little rats, Im gone!... getting payed to look for jobs!

Somebody left a box of fund raiser chocolate bars in the break room and I took one and didn't put any money in the box.

I'm sick and tired of guy in my office whining about his pay. He's been at the same company doing the same job for 15 years. In this line of work you have to move around to get more pay. I've told him 10 times if he wants more money he'll have to leave.

I'm the CTO in a big startup and I just dumped their whole db with plain text passwords (i wrote the code) on the scene.

while everybody hate ads I don't know why we're still doing this.

Fuck modern web development, fuck NPM, fuck JS, fuck Firefox, Fuck Safari, Fuck Visual Studio, fuck y'll niggaz

PantsLang is insane! Static typing where the types are jeans, pants, cargos, jorts, sweats. The functions are .pleats(), .hemmed(), .tapered(), .slimFit(), .relaxed(), .waist(32). .length(32).

I regularly get bugs reported by internal staff that simply reference existing functionality (i.e. this button is blue). Because these are "issues" reported by users, the implication is that the noted functionality is not correct, but they refuse to clarify how it should work until I ask. Every single time. Sigh.

Everything is one fire... can't wait to be on Holiday

It sickens me how much my coworkers rely on asking other people questions before anything else. How do you even live without knowing how to figure stuff out yourself?

How much should a data scientist be paid at a large company?

PantsLang is a language allowing you to construct variables as you humanely put on pants. Start from the toes and work your way up.

Mark Zuckerburg's gray t-shirts cost $300 each.

$NVAX p2 results being given in conference call after hours on Monday. Why not make some money? Either going to sky rocket, or if bad, get obliterated :) Could sell by Friday. Having a nice run up++

Every single day, I want to die.

Fed up with the bullshit in the "tech" industry. These people aren't inventing the wheel. There's no progress. Take away the hype and you basically have a used car salesman. There's a world of hurt on the horizon.

Serverless architecture on AWS is great until you realise you can only build a basic fucking todo app as the AWS limits on resources per stack are so fucking low. I have 20 Lambdas, some DynamoDB and S3 and I now am faced with splitting my project into smaller chunks. WTF

App maintenance = find 10 bugs for every small update

Sometimes I store plain text passwords because I like to see what people use as a password.

I spice up my boring code monkey life by attending orgies and sex parties, buying expensive cars from trading in the ones I have and adding up to a years salary to get some new tesla, I even had a gallardo at some point, spend my entire vacation days overseas shamelessly hitting on the locals and attending their sex parties. Life is only boring if you live it thay way.