Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I have worked with very few H1B employees here in the US that I think qualify for the visa. Most are very bad at what they do.
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I had to add some text quickly to an html page and didn't have access to the html markup. I ended up defining this text string in a css declaration.
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At my first full-time job on day two there was an off-site team building exercise. Each team was assigned their own table. When I arrived my table was completely occupied by what might be described as a 'corporate coffee klatch.' I was told to "sit over there" until the exercises started. Within two weeks by my choice I was working elsewhere.
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I must confess that I have already tried this in PHP: "1 cow" + "3 dogs" And the result was: "4 mamals"
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I spent the extra three hours to make my web site a proper service on the box hosting it. When someone complained it went down, I ssh'd in, and the process was alive, but the web client was down, inexplicably. I bounced it with `sudo service PROCESS restart` and it was up. No idea what was breaking it, but my team mates were able to get back to work within two minutes from the reported outage. I still feel bad for restarting it without troubleshooting first.
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I sometimes use Nano for editing
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Fuck foo, bar. My test variables are usually called herp, derp
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The error message was: "/bin/uname" "No such file or directory But I emailed the IT dept. anyway
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Merge branch 'develop' into develop... COWORKERS!! Y U NO GIT PULL BEFORE GIT PUSH???!!!???
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I actually think that PHP is a good language for quick web development.
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So no jokes, Data integrity for an ECM solution is not important in an enterprise estate, or at least one could be fooled into believing with the client I'm currently working at. Real Scenario: A server team wants to Copy and Paste via windows the DataStore of an ECM product, during live running, during a limited actions period.
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Is it reasonable for me to assume that a multinational corporation that sets up shop in a third world country is just outsourcing grunt work because labor is cheap? Like they'll lure talented developers in because they're a famous brand, only for those wide-eyed devs to realize that their job basically amounts to pushing the same button all day.
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Whenever I git commit at the command line, I habitually use singlequotes for my commit message, just out of muscle memory -- which then causes me to go out of my way to format that commit message to avoid using contractions because I'm too lazy to delete the entire line once I realize that I need one, and I can never quite trust that I've properly escaped. git commit -m 'Initial work done to determine if this function is correctly setting the variable of the class which it belongs to.'
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I saw something similar during a code review for a senior colleague. if (a() == b) { b = a(); }
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I'm hardly getting any jobs in my field due to being insistent on not working with crap and low quality requirements clients...
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We have 1 tester in the company who's about to receive 6 months worth of untested development work from a team of 6 Software Developers and he's expecting to have it all tested and delivered within a month.
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I've been secretly rewriting a PHP backend for my job in Node.js, and then secretly deploying it without telling anyone. I don't envy the person who takes over the codebase after I quit.
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The last 3 months I've been SSH'ing into my blog VPS (mine and my moms, pretty large blog she has, I've just started), the old fashioned way. Of course I'm using SSH keys, but it's stored in a really long path and the address is behind cloudflare, so I have to look up the direct IP each time.. It takes 1,5 , maybe even 2 minutes to log in each time. I know about ~/.ssh/config and have just been too lazy each time like "narh it's just this once, it doesn't happen that often"... Today I decided to finally find a tut (i don't know this blindfolded), and open up ~/.ssh/config .... Well..... There it was, with ip and identityfile specified. All those minutes wasted, when I've been nice to myself at least 3 months back and set it up so I could just type: ssh FML.
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Any time an admin logs me in to a server: # while true; do bash; done
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My boss decided that the vanilla Angular.JS distribution is terrible, and has rewritten about half, of course deciding not to weigh it down with comments or documentation. As such, the documentation that he keeps telling me to consult on the angular site doesn't work, and every time I ask for help, it feels like he goes out of his way to be derisive and patronizing, like I'm wasting his time. I now feel like I'm stuck with two options: get depressed every time I ask a question, or work very very slowly and trace through his code. I've chosen the latter.
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The new guy specializes in web design but is already somehow much quicker with the nitty gritty of javascript than I am. It's scary. He's only used notepad++ before, so I turned off all the validators in the eclipse configuration I gave him. I'm hoping it slows him down.
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I want to scream at my second level manager the phrase "I'm not part of the fucking support team". I joined as a developer to do greenfield projects and they have repeatedly giving my work that isn't that. From BA work to fucking troubleshooting a shitty vendor application. Most recently he asked whether I would be around when another member of the support team was on vacation. To which I replied I don't know I'll have to check my calendar. Later I realized he somehow thought I could cover for this person. I have no idea about their day to day job. The two of us literally have no overlap in function. I've fucking had it, I'm calling the recruiter that landed me this job in the morning.
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I still prefer to use PHP over Hack even though I am using HHVM.
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I checked directly into master instead of develop. And then I pretended it was a mistake instead of admitting that I wanted it to be a hotfix.
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I have just noticed that my IDE uses spaces instead of tab when I indent lines. I am so sorry.
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My mind is steadily deteriorating. I can't get any work done when people are around me, yammering away in the office. Thus, I have to do somewhat regular late nights and all-nighters in the office in order to get my work done. This is killing me, and I have nowhere else to turn.
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My coworkers complete projects unbelievably fast... I learned it's because they copy-paste and don't write unit tests. To keep up with them I've started doing the same.
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My colleagues are currently trying to work out a way to translate their custom exception messages to foreign languages as part of our localisation policy :(
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We have a type called Either, declared thus: Either<T1, T2>. Polymorphism apparently never crossed anyone's mind when this was implemented, because it's used everywhere
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Apparently (according to my boss) we have an agile development process... If by agile he means fixing assigned bugs or new feature request, he is right
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My co-worker thought it was a good idea for an web service to return a exception (with an optional message) instead of the original exception (or as an inner exception).. Now he deals with a lot of bug reports of those exceptions without messages... *he he*
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I write code all day in a domain where I have limited knowledge (construction). The project owners write as bad requirements as the customers... so.. I have started to send back feature/bugs request even if I can guess what they really want.. (1/5 times when I think I know what they want I am still wrong)
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I want to quit my job. I signed up for a Java Development role only to start and find out that a good chunk of the projects I was excited to be working on are expected to be done in AngularJS. FML.
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I'm so paranoid that I lose any of my written code that I automatically press Ctrl+S even when I'm writing a facebook comment.
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I work with someone I despise not because he is mean, but because he is not discrete AT ALL when he does something (huge gurgling noises when drinking, etc), sighs all the time, and wants to explain to me what is wrong with what he develops. He is not a bad guy, he is adorable even. I just hate the way he works... it makes me want to punch him in the face every thing he does something.
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I'm a developer which has worked on large, complex projects. But apparently I suck at it and am not passionate enough, since I have very little online presence and struggle to reduce it more and more.
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We ditched TFS for tracking issues and requirements, and now are using cards stapled together in its place. This is supposedly the "agile" thing to do
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I see the jackasses they are hiring to work with me, and the jackasses they already have on staff whose bad code I have to fix and I can't help but get the feeling I am just another jackass, no matter how much I know and can show I am better than them. Fuck it, I'll take the six figures, keep the drama to a minimum and keep my mouth shut. No one cares anyway.
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I send coworkers and bosses documents, files, and etc in tarballs, knowing they run Windows and don't know what a tarball is.
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I have almost no idea what I am doing most of the time or why.
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When I have a super productive day I retain several groups of changes ready to commit sporadically for when I have an unproductive day or feel like slacking off. This serves two purposes. One, my manager has no idea how much code I can produce under full steam and a perfect day so time estimates are never based on this. Two, I can show up with a massive hangover, read articles all day long and go for a two hour hair of the dog lunch. I love my job.
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SCSS variable name: $fifty-one-shades-of-gray. Getting tired of the inconsistency of my designer/
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I deliberately rewrite pieces of code that are fine just to beef up my commits
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I think OOP in PHP is completly overrated. Associative Arrays are superior, because PHP has great tools around Arrays.
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I just took a job with a massive salary increase that might be way beyond my skill level. Not because of the money but because of the challenge. God I hope this wasn't a terrible idea.
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i think desktop devs are sissies. they know how to build one thread, one platform, one language app. they know shit about modern, distributed, multiplatform solutions. grow up guys, web architecture is much more complicated and demanding!
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I was editing a file that I wasn't including in my project and I was wondering why my edits were not working.
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With the way almost everyone around here seems to perfect and always complaining about how other people are horrible, and rarely doing an actual confession, I think this website should be renamed to "Coding Rants".
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Working on a massive legacy codebase at a company so large that no one says 'hi' to each other has made me miserable. Unfortunately, I can't afford to pay back my signing bonus so I'm stuck here for a year. I spend all day calculating and recalculating how much longer I have to be here: 7 months and ten days, 255 days, or 6120 hours.
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I resigned improving the code base as soon as I decided to quit. And there is A LOT to improve.
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