Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Part of most of my passwords at work is the string "FuckYou". That way, I can lash out a bit at work every time I type a password.
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I'm starting to loathe more and more of my coworkers. They seem to think it's a good idea to schedule meetings from 8am--9am that last less than 10 minutes and could have been replaced by a few emails.
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Me and 4 other developers are working on a java based web-application for about 6 months now. I really think that I could manage to rebuild the whole application with php in less than 6 months while having a better performance, less bugs and better maintainability...
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i've been working 8 weeks for a deadline. I spend 7 weeks on facebook and finished all the work in 5 days.
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I've been refreshing my browser hoping that error disappear magically or get fixed somehow.
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I'm doing critical applications on a very strict workplace and have been loving it. It feels good to work with trained, skilled adults after being exposed to 'passionate'-but-clueless teenagers.
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Since Microsoft accepts Bitcoin, I'm not that ashamed to be a .NET developer.
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I feel I have more control on my code by using for() statements with 'break' or 'exit' keywords instead of while() statements with a valid condition.
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Just found a client that still uses VSS. :O
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I'm a web developer but my dream is to be a software developer.
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I'm currently having a Flex-Bison class here at university, but I'm spending the whole time on this website waiting for the lunch break because I'm looking forward to nothing but getting back to my hobby projects in C.
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I though that working at a big, impressive, "cutting edge" company that everyone's heard of meant working on big, impressive, "cutting edge" problems. As it turns out, there's a lot of shitty, uninteresting grunt work at big, impressive companies.
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I've been helping two mentees today with an important, All Hands On Deck project throughout the entire day. I would have gotten far more done and far more quickly had I been working alone.
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Everytime that I need to restart jboss is like an endless suffering that take me around 49s :/
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Every time I have to remind myself which tree traversal order is called pre-order, and which one is post-order, I need to open Wikipedia. Same with endianness. Couldn't the Fathers of Computer Science just invent better names?
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My paycheck is 5 days late, and I'm starting to get the feeling that this project is about to explode, but I desperately want it to succeed because it's the first shipped product I've worked on and I need it in my portfolio.
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Our CTO demands that salaried employees hand in paper time sheets. Our biggest product feature is electronic documents, contracts and signatures.
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I hate when people misuse the word "Algorithm".
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This industry is full of terribad programmers. The ones who think "ok, this method is called XXX, so it should do YYY, reading the docs is for dummies, assumptions are better". The ones who think that procedural programmation in an object language is OK, writing insanely big code file called "classes". The ones who think that "making quick and dirty is more efficient that making it clean, even it it's almost the same time if you are used to it". I'm bored of this. I wish I could find a job where I could work alone, without having to deal with the mess of all those jerks
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I intentionally write code that is non-idiomatic and full of undeclared, inline values because otherwise my team lead rejects it during review.
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A client has been wanting a RESTful service to access their Endeca catalog. Wearing my skunk-works hat I wrote such as service. Since the client's name begins with N the first identifier in the namespace is News as in N* Endeca Web Services. When revealed the client said the service was just what they needed. The only exception was a manager seagulling the meeting who objected to the identifier News.
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I think having to work with a socio-pathic Architect Astronaut many years ago gave me PTSD. Its so bad that even looking at poorly written or messy code gives me feelings of rage and disgust.
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To:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<!-- :( -->
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I tried to like vim, I really did. I spent a not inconsiderable amount of time learning it, and learning it pretty well. I tried a few different distributions and even tried rolling my own. And I'm really glad I did because it was a wonderful learning experience, and I'm sure I'll use it countless times in the future. But IntelliJ is still better, and I didn't have to spend months working with it before I could use it competently.
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I used to never finish my side projects. Now I finish them but I don't have the skills (or desire) to do any marketing so they sit alone and unused in a sad corner of the internet. I still pay money every month for their hosting in hoping that someone will come along and love them. I think I was better off when I didn't finish things.
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My new job pays almost three times what my old one did... which seemed crazy... until I saw the cesspool of horrors that is my new employer's perl codebase. I've only been here two weeks and I'm thinking of leaving.
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I star all of my own repositories on Github.
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I hate using the product that we develop, it just doesn't suit a development team well to use a product created for an entirely different industry...
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My Scrum Master thinks that SCRUM is based on adding enormous count of meetings in google calendar.
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I just learned that my team's project, which is working on a total overhaul of our company's infrastructure, will be using CSV (no one will call it that, but that's what it is) for passing not just business data but also method parameters to our internal endpoints. The current production infrastructure uses JSON. The only thing I said was "what happens if someone passes a delimiter in a field" and the answer I got was "oh that's a known bug".
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I make up funny, but still appropriate names for variables to entertain myself at work public function delete_internal_group($internal_group_id) { $marked_for_death = Docobj::find($internal_group_id); $orphans = $marked_for_death->children(); $orpahns->destroy(); }
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My diagnosed OCD makes concentrating on code difficult, but I won't tell my line manager.
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Our lead developer is a passive aggressive dick, my manager is a self-confessed pain in the ass. I'm so demotivated my skills have dropped and i can't get another job. Kill me now.
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It honestly surprises me that we're still in business, the code here is so fucking horrible and I see bugs and breaks in live systems EVERYWHERE, what the fuck have i walked into.
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Working as a developer in an industry with enterprisey, buggy-as-hell tools using programming languages that reek of built-in bad smells, picking up code written by people who probably never have even seen the promotional ads for actual programming courses, much less taken one, is soul sucking to the point that I have given up programming as a hobby. Now I envy people who actually have the spirit to write pretty code in their free time.
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I will change my job title from "software developer" to " fortune teller"
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Couldn't think of a good way to do something. So I used reflection.
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I've always loved two things; writing and programming. I actually wrote a short novel in college, but when I couldn't find anyone who would publish it I decided that I should be a programmer so that I could make money, since I was better at it and enjoyed it just as much. Every day I wistfully wonder if I made the right decision.
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Tired of working on enterprise apps, looking forward to become a team lead and then a PM an writing state of the art code only for my hobby projecs.
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It's a short week. Nobody's coming into the office after Wednesday for (American) Thanksgiving. I guess now's a good opportunity to waste a bunch of time trying to add a some new tools into my workflow and seeing what sticks.
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I actually like doing documentation. It feels great having everything organized in indexes, data dictionaries, and comments, among other things.
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I hate when my colleagues leave me with a shitty spec, goes awol on any kind of instant messaging software and I am left there to create a shitty implementation of unnecessary software, Oh, and it gotta be done today. :)
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I have no idea what I'm doing.
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Facebook API for Android has one of the worst documentations ever. Then again, almost no public documentation is usefull, and a Stack Overflow post is usually shorter, faster and most importantly, it works.
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Can you say that you have ever worked on a project that was given enough time to be well designed and then was written with care and adding new functionalities to it is a pleasure ? And the whole thing happened in a small/mid company ?
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alias gitblast='git commit -a -m "gitblast"; git push'
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I overengineer things.
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Whenever I hear "that's never happened to me before" from a coworker I want to stab them, because 3 out of ever five times I can reproduce the issue and then learn that it's happening to them, too, and they're just not paying attention.
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I live behind a popular brewery/pub in my town. They have a really delicious IPA made of pure hops that I really enjoy. Every Sunday it is half price, and I go in there in the evening and drink my fill then stumble home. Monday mornings during the daily Scrum stand-up I constantly cut silent-but-deadly farts that smell like zombie turds. Nobody knows it's me and I don't care because screw Scrum anyway.
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I've been programming since Junior High, and I always dreamed of getting a job as a programmer. I finally got hired at 21, and I remember being shocked that my managers didn't know how to write anything but basic stuff, and absolutely floored that there were no programmers in the executive staff... Naive I guess... Now I'm impressed when a manager opens a terminal and knows 'ls' and 'cd', or knows that Java and JS aren't the same thing. This field has made me terribly cynical, I guess is what I'm confessing.
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