Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I use the codebase at work for examples of what NOT to do when I'm working on personal projects.
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I often write too long variables and method names....But I keep doing so, because I think it's better to have verbose code, than to have shitty abreviations that you won't understand anymore one month after you wrote it. And seriously, what are those fucking variables named "tmp", "data", and "var", in this 300 lines function? When you wrote it, did you think it's possible someone (perhapse even yourself) may need to read and understand it one day?
absolve ( 16 ) condemn ( 4 )

I have to use drupal in work. I have no idea what anyone involved with drupal was thinking.
absolve ( 14 ) condemn ( 1 )

I've been using Linux as a desktop since the Windows 98 era. Some stuff is quite broken, missing or doesn't work well, but I eventually find myself rationalizing it.
absolve ( 11 ) condemn ( 5 )

I work for a creative agency contracted by Microsoft to redo one of their large, customer-facing websites. I'm REALLY considering adding my name as a hidden line in an HTML or CSS file. Neither my manager, nor the Microsoft manager would ever know...
absolve ( 8 ) condemn ( 2 )

"You mean you don't have your resume in version control?"
absolve ( 19 ) condemn ( 1 )

I have an MS degree in CS, more than eight years worth of "industry experience," I work for a very large tech company that you've definitely heard of, and yesterday, for the first time, I learned how to use a debugger.
absolve ( 9 ) condemn ( 36 )

I am already 1 hour after lunch and wasted all of it in
absolve ( 20 ) condemn ( 4 )

Some log output I have added to the system I maintain is going to break a coworker's awful log parsing utility. He doesn't believe in fuzz testing anything.
absolve ( 11 ) condemn ( 8 )

Right now, our strictly enforced class naming convention is conflicting with our strictly enforced 80 characters per line limit. I bet you can't guess what kind of program I'm working on. I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with "Schmenterprise Lava Grapplication"
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I just overheard this as two managers in my department were leaving a conference room: "...and then when he thinks he can finally take a vacation, he can't! ahahaha [manic laughter from both managers]" ... I think I'm going to start polishing up my resume tonight.
absolve ( 21 ) condemn ( 2 )

I use Java 8 streams, Optional, default interfaces and lambdas extensively almost entirely because our most-senior developer who is regarded as being a "really good with Java" is really uncomfortable with them.
absolve ( 26 ) condemn ( 5 )

I just found a database query call hidden inside the constructor of (what is supposed to be) a lightweight DTO object. I have never seen or even heard of something as moronic as this before. VCS logs shows it was the team lead (currently on vacation) who added the offending code. I am considering having him formally reprimanded/demoted (even fired) for doing something so obviously stupid.
absolve ( 3 ) condemn ( 11 )

Every new framework/programming concept I try either A) doesn't work, B) makes me decide if I want to use deprecated methods with tons of answers on Stackoverflow or new&improved functionality with zero answers online, C) doesn't work, D) makes me discover websites like this, E) question my life choices, F) done procastinating ty
absolve ( 13 ) condemn ( 4 )

My boss refuses to learn programming or read documentation because it might impair his ability to come up with new innovative ideas about how to save records to a database using this new database he created. Our applications are built using this new language he created. It lacks things like "if" statements because there's no practical business case for them. When we almost have things working he will come along and start rewriting core functions because he had a new idea. I want to quit, but I have a family and he pays well but I feel like I'm wasting my abilities here baby sitting and tutoring a toddler who refuses to behave.
absolve ( 19 ) condemn ( 1 )

I work with Cold Fusion developers. If I'm ever in hiring role for a position, I'm going to throw away any resume that lists experience in that language immediately.
absolve ( 23 ) condemn ( 10 )

I'am a programmer and my project manager is a graphic designer.
absolve ( 6 ) condemn ( 15 )

My SharePoint administrator thinks right align is better then left align for webpage design.
absolve ( 7 ) condemn ( 12 )

I found a bug in the backoffice system that I'm working on. My boss doesn't want to fix it because it could brick the hell out of everything as it's part of a fundamental module. The bug's been there since the very beginning about 10 years ago. I should fix it but as everybody is used to code around it, I'll do the same. Sorry.
absolve ( 21 ) condemn ( 7 )

I've been learning functional programming and theoretical/aesthetic aspects of code lately. In other words I drank a lot of the Haskell & Lisp cool-aide. I'm a senior engineer writing Java and Angular at work and can't seem to shake the feeling of being an architecture astronaut about new stuff I write. I know I should be pragmatic, but it's just not that fun anymore unless I am doing something functional/immutable/composable. Then again I don't know if I would want a job doing Haskell work - I'm not sure I could even handle it. It almost makes me not want to program anymore and find another hobby - but it's by far the skill I am best at.
absolve ( 16 ) condemn ( 1 )

After a year of working in declarative and functional languages, especially ones using Lisp syntax, makes me feel like the industry's leading languages and syntaxes are built to appease autists.
absolve ( 5 ) condemn ( 18 )

I hate my lazy coworker because he never does anything, so I just walk into his office when he's taking a shit for 45 minutes and look at his firefox history. He has some pretty inappropriate stuff in there, so today I wrote a macro on his system that will pop up his browser history 5% of the time he presses ctrl + s. I figure the only time he ever needs to save anything, i.e. does anything, is when someone is looking over his shoulder lol.
absolve ( 13 ) condemn ( 26 )

I have a well paid contract, and best work from home conditions. But My company put me on a project using a language I have never coded before, I dont really want to learn any new shit, and I do not understand anything. I've been surviving two months, but I dont want to quit, Im just waiting to be fired
absolve ( 8 ) condemn ( 65 )

As a freelance theme developer, I depend on the jobs I get from persistently following up with "We'll let you know when we're ready to go!" leads. I average 2 projects per 50 hour week. Monday I had 5 come through all at once, every one of them needing completion by Friday, every one of them from consistent, previous relationships that I can't afford to lose. I hate having to take time out to sleep & self-maintenance, but I can't work for shit without it.
absolve ( 23 ) condemn ( 1 )

Half of my job is coding, the other half trying to decipher badly written, vague, no understanding of technical debt requests from our pm
absolve ( 33 ) condemn ( 0 )

I don't care whether it works or not. But when it works, I just commit and push.
absolve ( 16 ) condemn ( 19 )

I have a good salary, perfect working conditions, nice colleagues and kind of a "do-what-you-want"-wildcard. I can work from home, got a company car, I'm not wired to workinghours at all - I can even travel to some island and work from there. But I'm thinking of leaving the company, cause I've been working on the same project since 3 years without anything that really challenges me. I feel mentally empty right now.
absolve ( 44 ) condemn ( 11 )

Used to be a coder, am a manager. I wonder if i'm losing touch with development primarily because I feel the code gurus require too much time be spent on making code perfect. Automation tests and business functionality are implemented fairly quickly, but there is never ending churn around code reviews. I believe they are over engineering, but I wonder if i'm the only one.
absolve ( 19 ) condemn ( 11 )

I love to code, but I often find myself overcome with anxiety about customer expectations and finishing on time. Sometimes, just to make sure I'm getting fulfillment and learning all I can from the experience, I'll spend the weekend pretending to implement the same thing all over again. I'll set my calendar and clocks to all say the previous week, and I'll mirror the project in its previous state to my own github. If I go to do it at the office (which is most of the time), this means I have to temporarily rewrite some firewall rules which is a no no, but I think it's worth it for my sanity.
absolve ( 6 ) condemn ( 15 )

This site has been loading slowly for about a year. I finally took a minute to look into it and managed to fix it in about 20mins. Make sure if you need 60 "social icons" on a page that you load them on demand with ajax and not all at once. Sorry everybody.
absolve ( 43 ) condemn ( 3 )

My schedule involves 1-3 insanely busy weeks, and then a week or two of very slow downtime, but I get paid the same no matter how many hours I work. During the busy days I regularly pull 16+ hour days, so during the slow ones I work on personal projects and tell everyone it's "professional development". I figure I'm just paying myself back, but the 9-5 people assume I've got a shitty home life. They don't realize that I actually ENJOY spending a few hours alone writing code for myself instead of insane clients who change requirements the week before the delivery date.
absolve ( 31 ) condemn ( 2 )

I have though of quiting my underpaid startup webdev positio. and going back to well-paid mundane IT support.
absolve ( 29 ) condemn ( 4 )

I'm always in love with my craft and enthusiastic about programming technologies but most of the time I'm not enthusiastic about the work I'm assigned to work on.
absolve ( 30 ) condemn ( 0 )

I use PHP and actually don't think it's bad at all.
absolve ( 38 ) condemn ( 45 )

Sometimes, code just goes missing and there's no way to find it.
absolve ( 4 ) condemn ( 35 )

Our LOLSVN repo at work automatically updates the author string in the header to be the last person who committed any changes, and we use a crappy client that makes actual blame logs hard to read. I'm embarrassed to have my name on garbage someone else wrote a year ago.
absolve ( 21 ) condemn ( 1 )

As a hobby I teach kids to code at the weekends. The only way I can seem to get their attention is to remind them Minecraft was made from java. I hate that I can't seem to spark a flair for programming through anything apart from that awful sandbox game. All they want is instant results and playable games and I just can't seem to be able to keep up the entertaining material. I guess what I'm confessing is my failure to pass on my love of coding.
absolve ( 34 ) condemn ( 8 )

New_picture_%281%29 FML
absolve ( 19 ) condemn ( 3 )

I learned to program with SICP and other Lisp texts. I love using functional programming abstractions at work (in python, mostly) even if I have to explain how they work to other coworkers.
absolve ( 11 ) condemn ( 7 )

I work as a DevOps in a web company. Their code is fugly undocumented PHP, and I hate the development tasks. The only things that makes me go through the day are the operations tasks.
absolve ( 10 ) condemn ( 1 )

I hate "omg microsofot is evil use linux" type people who glorify "open source software" as the only solution to any problem. I think they are naive as fuck and I hope they will suffer for it.
absolve ( 40 ) condemn ( 34 )

People who know only rails and some other front end technologies and calling themselves as geeks are actually idiots.
absolve ( 46 ) condemn ( 13 )

I love to code, but I usually hate my development jobs. Still trying to find out why it is like that.
absolve ( 34 ) condemn ( 0 )

I have never used a one-click installer.
absolve ( 26 ) condemn ( 3 )

All time a Though that the code of enterprise companies like ... was beautiful but now that I'm working on a large company, sadly, I have to admit that production code on every part of the world is a mess.
absolve ( 15 ) condemn ( 2 )

I'm only a junior dev, and finally got on the Appointed Team working on our shiny new Total Rewrite project... only to learn that it uses in-house from-scratch JSON, SQL, S3 libraries, has almost no discernible data structures, virtually no design patterns and almost no tests... I'm not even sure where to start, except to keep my head down, smile and nod.
absolve ( 11 ) condemn ( 4 )

Our SharePoint site at work where every single system, process and procedure document is stored does not have search enabled. You can't search it.
absolve ( 17 ) condemn ( 4 )

It takes 20 min to do something. And 2 hours after that figuring what the heck is wrong in the environment that it won't build anymore. Sometimes i feel like such a failure... i hope i'm sufferable for my colleagues...
absolve ( 11 ) condemn ( 2 )

When people are watching me code I turn on debug mode on any tools I use, so that a wall of text zooms by and they can't actually read anything I'm doing.
absolve ( 20 ) condemn ( 0 )

I like stuff of microsoft.
absolve ( 32 ) condemn ( 19 )