Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

A coworker demands a time-out and a discussion in private when you suggest code improvements in reviews, like replacing big sections of code with just a few lines. When you bring up the importance of code clarity, he interrupts you with "is it broken?" over and over. Often it is broken, and either way there's no way to convince yourself that his original code works, since it's unreadable. He also likes to accidentally leave debugging output and no-op/commented-out code behind, because he can't even get an overview of his own code. Lord have a little mercy...

I never know which string conversion functions to use.

I've started smoking with my manager, since then, our communication has significantly improved.

Writing boring and useless software makes me want to kill myself.

I really don't know how people can work as developers in the financial sector. Derivatives and trading, mixing with suits surely has to be the most soul-destroying job.

Fed up of people judging agile methodology on the poor implementations of it at their work place.

<%@ page contentType="text/html" pageEncoding="UTF-8"%> <!-- blank.jsp --> <%// NOTHING TO DO ON THIS PAGE!%> <!-- end blank.jsp --> I'm glad this is still currently included in all jsp pages for this app. A real joy to work on.

For those of you that are full stack web developers, how can you still tolerate doing this every day?

I seriously think the same mental processes that allowed Agile and Scrum to become popular despite sucking so hard are what allowed the nazis to take over Germany. You have the true believers (Agile can do no wrong, only you), the enablers who don't dare speak up because they assume there might at least be *something* there if it's that popular, and finally a relatively small group of people who sees stupid obfuscated bullshit for what it is and calls it out. Godwin's law and all that - it doesn't make it false.

I've only been a professional developer for less than five years. I started doing basic programming when I was a young kid. I knew then that this wasn't a wise career choice. I just don't have the temperament for this kind of work. Yet, here I am, all these years later, programming and hating every second of it. Am I supposed to be time tracking how much of each day I think about killing myself?

Sometimes when I'm done with my work for the day and want to appear as if I'm still doing it or when I still haven't got an idea of how to implement something but want to appear as if I'm already working on it, I type nursery rhymes on my keyboard for the keyboard noise.

I negociated a low salary because I just had a short web experience after the flash debacle and tought I was not good enough. I then worked with 5 different expert consultant paid twice my salary, saw and fixed part of their mess (what I could as their productivity to produce problems was indeed higher than my capacity to fix it). They moved to better paid, bigger name position and I moved to a even lower salary, at least I wont be there when the client will realise they paid a fortune for low quality work. Agile, yeah right as in "fragile".

I did not answer "what is an anonymous class" question in a job interview after more than 8 years of programming experience. I used a lot of anonymous classes in my code and basicly know the definition, I have SCJP, just forgot it at that moment... :)

Our scrum master lines us up in a row and goes down the line like a drill sergeant.

Black Lives Don't Matter.

I will never again work together with an startup owner who's also the CTO and the key backend developer. Every time I won an technical argument he decided the opposite. Simply because HE was the boss.

A person who is dumb enough to watch watch TV although he owns a PC and a internet connection doesn’t deserve it better.

I want an open office environment.

return ((IsAvailable() == true ) && (waiting == false));

After four straight years in an open office environment I have found my attention span to be damaged perhaps beyond repair, and my ability to focus and concentrate on development tasks severely damaged as well. Right now I have three completely unrelated conversations going on within a four foot radius of me. I barely can concentrate enough to type this.

I just don't want to anymore.

Getting business requirements from mexicans who can't speak english for an app sucks. The real kicker is they keep whistling and pointing like I know what they are talking about

I work as a dev in a large healthcare organization in the US. It's far worse than you think.

I'm sick of the snotty attitude of egotistical programmers who used Charisma as a dump stat. All the one-upmanship and brainsizing is no different than the dicksizing that idiot jocks do in the locker room. You may have been the brightest bulb in your high school computers class, but that doesn't make you a god amongst coders, dude. What you don't know about programming could fill one bigass book.

when I was browsing the repo for a project that my new team have been worked on for a year, there was only 156 commits. FML.

The smalltalk at my job is the most soul-sucking thing I've ever experienced. It's a mix of people with brooms perpetually stuck up their ass trying to prove how smart they are by talking like a shitty xkcd imitation (one guy also puts on a cringey fake-sounding British accent when he speaks English, which makes me want to kill myself), and people who laugh out loud at clickbait-level unfunny shit they find online.

You ar'nt supposed to get paid more than your Senior even if SHE is an idiot :/

I'm a web developer, and I hate doing CSS. I hate spending hours trying to make pages pretty and pixel-perfect. I hate being expected to be a UI designer - are there that many programmers who are great at design? It makes me miss the days of printing raw HTML from Perl CGI scripts.

I prematurely quit my first dev job two weeks in after having an anxiety attack while trying to figure out their program's infrastructure. Rather than own up to having the attack, I sent an email to our HR manager saying I lacked the necessary skills for the position. Now, I am afraid to get another dev gig, even though I love coding and need the money..

Agile development is the Crossfit of coding.

It's saturday night and I'm in my apartment with the lights off drinking beer and programming on personal projects. I love it.

I use GIT GUI clients because I don't know GIT command line tools.

It took me around two hours of debugging to find that I had misspelled "post-receive" as "post-recieve". I was wondering why my deploy wasn't working. :(

Management has forced us to disable all integration tests to get stuff in faster. The end is near...

Just pushed a hystrix based circuit breaker to production... now wishing a production incident to see it in action.

The more you log, the less you can find. Log enough things and eventually your logs are so noisy nobody can find anything. It's all too easy to bury yourself in an avalanche of log data. Heck, that's the default: any given computer is perfectly capable of generating more log data than any of us could possibly deal with in our lifetime. The hidden expense here isn't the logging, it's the brainpower needed to make sense of these giant logs. I don't care how awesome your log parsing tools are, nobody looks forward to mining a gigabyte of log files for useful diagnostic information.

ORMs need to fuck off. We use EF and NHibernate and they're slowing down our applications. We're replacing the mega LINQ with stored procs and if you don't like it, fuck off too.

Programming seems to be a regular consultation of Stack Overflow these days. It was far more fun in the 80's and early 90's when you could truly master a PC and a language. I get depressed thinking of what programming is now.

I was wondering why my job was so fucked up, and today I learned that my company's most used, hardware-intensive system (TBs of RAM) runs on a proprietary, non-relational database and an app that both date from the 1970s with no EOL plan. It all makes sense now.

Is anyone excited for Google Polymer. I know most of you have not heard of it and will google it after reading this post. Let me know your thoughts if you like it.

Much of programming is rote memorization of using APIs

I sometimes like to use XML instead of JSON

Javascript? jQuery? Every damned error that people have bitched about in other code, all rolled together in one stinking mess and forgiven because its new and hot. Gotta have web technology in EVERYTHING.

I hate it when people say "again" before they explain things. Even incompetent developers do it, so it seems to be more of a personality trait than anything else. It's pretty much used like "you should already have gotten this, you dumb fuck". What's the point of interjecting that? How do you even take yourself seriously doing it?

Thatmoment That moment, when you know that changing the customers email-address went wrong - on the live system.

Every vim plugin is shitty with terrible defaults and it's the reason why we are stuck in the 80s with code editors

Code in the dark : Coding a frontend without a working backend. It seems our backend developpers don't want the backend code to be running on our laptops. I think I don't even care to ask anymore, since they always say it is too complicated