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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

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Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


At my work place, we construct lists of non-contiguous record identifiers and query the databases in giant IN() clauses. These queries consistently perform worse than equivalent queries utilising direct lookup. For some of the queries, we transmit the identifier lists as strings, which are then split in the database before any actual querying takes place.
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I realised that at work my productivity is about 10-20% of what I have when I work on my own projects... and even though I procrastinate so much I am in top 5% of my countries income. I am not sure if I could do a work that actually requires you to give your best every day, it scares me.
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As a developer in a small internal team part of a larger organization, we write a lot of code to automate internal processes. Over the years the code has gotten so large with every anti-pattern implemented, that most of our work involves reading emails and fixing broken code or side-effect of broken code so some process can occur. I took the initiative to try to write clean, concise code using well accepted patterns, instead of quickly patching. I am the weakest link in my team, I'm sure my manager has never seen a single of code I've written. I have to embrace spaghetti code.. :(
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I wish I had stayed in academia doing research.
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When I started with this company, I could not remember the names of the other devs. So I added a comment somewhere: (//ask the fat guy if this method shouldn't be synchronized). I forgot to remove it and commited it (he didn't notice). 3 years later I found the comment again. I had fear to remove it NOW, cause maybe he might see the commit this time. (He's my boss now). So I deleted ALL files from the repo, pushed, removed the comment and pushed all files again to obfuscate the actual change - told him it happened by accident.
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If the management doesn't care to solve a specific problem, why should I care fighting for it? I should stop caring, and start using this issue as an excuse to eventual delays and low productivity, instead of increasing my stress levels for it...
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I usually have 1-2 days on the week where I'm really productive, and on all the others I'm really tired, slow, in pain and full of pauses to check the interwebs. Even with this, my productivity is above-average, so I wonder if the other devs are also like this.
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When I implement a new class in Java I use 'this' before local variables.
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I done statistical analysis, data mining, clustering, multi-dimensional data structures, embedded code, written compilers and a world top 10 AI... but I can't get a job as a programmer because I live in the middle of nowhere.
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I want to start using magit for emacs but I can't find anything about using all 40 bagillion of my lovingly crafted git aliases within the mode, so I'm balking. Somebody please enlighten me in the comments.
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I type SQL queries in lowercase.
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Every time I see someone working on Windows, i feel bad for him
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I work with a totally hopeless programmer: he has 10 years of programming experience, but all he knows is how to write PHP procedurally, he does not even know about MVC's ORM's and he does not even knows OOP. While i have to programm all ends(Android, Server, GUI, Web, Administer servers and databases) while I only half the year official working experience. And i still get to spend a LOT of time explaining how to solve his problems. Seriously, fuck this guy, i bet he earns more than I do...
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I think that overcommenting decreases readability
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I just want my co-workers to care about the work they do.
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I'm new at a company and I want to remove /vendor from git. However, my manager (who is also the tech lead), doesn't know how to ignore an existing folder from git. I keep saying that you have to remove it from git first before ignoring it but he doesn't seem to listen to this.
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At my old organization it was 5% programmers, 95% business people. Now that it's the other way around I have to do things like "respond to email" and "schedule my own meetings" ...I miss being treated like an idiot savant.
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I'm so sick of the legacy code base I have to work with. Hacking and slashing until something "kind of" works, and spending hours and hours of trying to understand spaghetti code does not feel anything close to software development. Most people I work with don't care. They're content to sit there and slog through the mess, making things worse, just to collect their paycheque. What's worse - this is a product company, and the product just keeps getting worse and worse. I wouldn't pay 2 cents to use it. I'm moving on, finding a new job. They seem to be happy the way things are, so I'm leaving them to it. I just hope the next job isn't more of the same.
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I'm currently working mostly with programmers that have about 7-10 more years of professional experience than me (I have about 3.5). The longer I'm having to continue to work with them, the more inept and unwilling to improve they appear to be. I keep asking myself: "Is this normal? Is the majority of programmers really Java-ridden cinder blocks?"
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I do not trust date formats unless its Y-m-d
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I used to come to Coding Confessional to be amused, but now when I come here I just get depressed.
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I use our client list as a list of companies never to let handle my personal data. The number of clients legally obligated to protect private data who just go ahead and sign the "We don't think encryption is necessary and assume all risk and liability" document is absolutely mind boggling. Out client list is so extensive that it's getting hard to bank or have insurance.
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I used to really care about writing clean, clever, efficient algorithmically-solid code, probably because I was working for peanuts in Startupistan and needed to feel proud because I was broke. Now that I have a Enterprise job, my personal standards are somewhere between "just close the ticket" and "who gives a shit".
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It really blows the sh*t out of me when i don't get the credit for making my suggested feature/fix just because i was transferred to other team before it was implemented.
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Whenever anyone tells me to stop declaring variables or methods because "it uses more memory", I want to tell them to go get fucked... If we care about a few extra bytes of memory, why are we writing Java on freaking enterprise-deathstar server nodes? You'd need to make thousands of additional objects before it even started to be an issue!
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I prefer ops
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Once I liked my own question with another account on stackoverflow just to gain some points. The guilt never fades...
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I don't even want a girlfriend, they cost too much time that I rather spend on programming or video games
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I slack off by answering questions on stackoverflow, but if someone asks- im looking for an answer relative to my work
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I worked on the backend system to process credit card payments for a major online apparel retailer. We used mutli factor authentication, AES (64 bit encryption), SSL, the whole enchilada to make the process of buying a pair of jeans as secure as possible. We had an offshore team that complained about needing test data to develop against. The director went to the DBA and forced him to send everything unencrypted in a flat file to India. Credit cards, phone numbers, addresses, birthdays, etc.
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After graduating with a degree in Comp Sci, I ended up working for a local branch of this well-known international consumer electronics company. Turns out the job is unskilled labor, even though I had to solve programming problems as part of the recruitment process. A high school dropout could do my job. Now I feel like I wasted 4 years of learning and getting good grades. Whenever I don't have any tickets to solve, I now spend my time just browsing the net and waiting for a chance to quit.
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This morning I was in a Poker Planning session. There were 10 people in the Scrum room. Two BA's, a PM, three QA people, a Team Lead, and a UX guy and two developers. The other three developers have quit over the last two months. The BA's have not written a stitch of code in at least 10 years, the PM and QA people have never written code, the Team Lead is not actively coding on the project, and the UX guy can barely operate a browser. All 10 people were participating in the estimations for the next sprint.
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Our Java EE application is aspect oriented in that we rely on certain fields being null to decide if we are logged into a company's store as opposed to the company itself.
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My latest job is making me think I just don't want to be a programmer anymore.
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Because of our tangled structure and unneeded assembly separation, compilation of our application takes around 20 minutes from clean. Working in the lower level assemblies means three quarters of your day is spent compiling. But hey, at least I have plenty of time to write up my RPG campaign.
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If I have to touch Eclipse or Java for a project, I'm charging double.
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I've begun in a company as Java developer, but I don't know java :D
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I put myself into debt by being reckless with money. Now I'm forced to work a day job coding, AND code freelance after hours to cover expenses and repayments. I've shaken my bad habits, but as a result of all the work, I don't have much time for gamedev as a hobby any longer. I feel very depressed and I've lost hope of realizing my gamedev-related dreams.
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I come in early and stay late just so I can feel a secret sense of superiority over everyone who leaves before me. Since I work twice as hard as everyone else no one dares to give me crap about my code and ask me to do stuff.
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I agreed to build a webshop for friends small business. His opinion on great color schemes is bright pink and bright green. What I was hoping to be a few weeks turned into a year (so far). Every couple of months, he "redesigns" the templates and I have to spend a few hours cleaning up his mess.
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In preparation for converting some legacy webapps to a modern framework, I've started with a small and under-used project for practice. It all works fine after a week or so of converting, but it was more fun spending the last 3 days refactoring to get 100% test coverage, 0 checkstyle warnings, 0 PMD warnings and 0 duplicate code in the CI dashboard. Ahhhh...
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We're still actively supporting our ColdFusion apps
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We had a small bug in the code, causing our production server to actually dDos himself by making every client send an infinite number of ajax-requests while connected... (Until we noticed this, we upgraded the server hardware 3 times to handle the massive amount of requests per minute)
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Just had a 30 minute long meeting discussing the fact that our iteration was ending soon and we need to heads down, work hard, and finish up.
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I develop apps for Apple and Android markets. Largest target platform is the iPad. To this date, I don't own a single tablet. In fact, I find them to be expensive and useless toys.
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I like my job, the people I work with, the work I do, the pay, the company. But when I have nothing to do at work I am not content to just show up there and pretend I am busy. Others think I am crazy, that I should be thankful and show gratitude. I think if I have nothing to do then I should not have to get up and go in.
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I forget to check my calendar and took an early and long lunch to run an errand and missed some meetings. One meeting a 30 minute company hug fest with the president and another bull session dev meeting that is usually canceled anyway. I apologized to the president and he said no problem. I then get balled out by the CTO since he is pissed he did not know where I was when the president asked. Not that the meetings mattered, or that I missed something. He could have just answered, he was here this morning, I guess he spaced it. Or maybe even called me.
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I am having to explain to our CTO why it may be a good idea to have developers add comments to their commits and associate them with a work item ticket. Our release process consists of 10 different people running their own scripts on every server from QA to UAT to PROD. I am confessing that I am after all a pussy and can't hack this "dynamic and fast paced" environment. And we will tank this release and make emergency fixes in prod using notepad or something just like all the others.
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Since last week we had changed our product management system into a new one. No previous testing, half of functions not working, new one implemented in production database, etc. In my department I am the only one communicating with guys who made this gem, and I was told I am responsible for the system to work properly. For the last week I have done nothing apart from reporting errors. I am bitching about every single detail possible and I am adding errors faster than they can fix them with their limited amount people. My work is untouched, and whenever I am asked about it I say that it will be done once the system works properly.
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After spending hour after tedious hour at the beck and call of freelance clients while struggling even so to support my family, I'm selling out. The next headhunter to call with an Exciting .NET/Java Opportunity! is getting a massive boost to his recruiting quota. Then I'll be free to sit on my ass all day and jack off like I'm sure any sane man in that position must do.
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