Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Pair programming in my new job has saved my confidence, sanity and belief in others.
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I was working on a clients website last night. I was switching their websites onto Cloudflare so I could easily manage their DNS settings. They weren't very cooperative so they gave me access to their emails to reset their domain registrars password. No, I didn't look through their emails. However, later that night I opened up an incognito window to watch some porn. Forgetting that I logged into their google account in an incognito window, and they were still logged in, and their google search history was enabled.. I went to login to remove it, and just as I went to remove the items from the list my network relapsed, and I lost the session. The password has been changed.
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Everyone in my company puts the opening bracket on the left when coding javascript, and they don't listen to me when I try to explain it's an anti-pattern that messes up return and label statements. Now they're all mad at me for running a code beautifier on all of our javascript files which moves the bracket (and formats whitespace better). They say it makes source control confusing but that's a terrible reason not to get the code right.
absolve ( 4 ) condemn ( 17 )

Today I realized that the system I designed and built for my company, put 41 people out of jobs, leaving only 9. I feel both mortified and furious that I was never told about this fact.
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Our company has written their own version of a Double. It's a List of Integers for the digits, a boolean for Positive or Negative and an Integer for the Exponent.
absolve ( 1 ) condemn ( 15 )

front end developers and javascript developers are hipsters of the programming world.
absolve ( 23 ) condemn ( 9 )

my company does not have a security policy. we store our passwords in plain text, and we don't have SSL on our servers.
absolve ( 1 ) condemn ( 32 )

The best part of my day is the 30 seconds I spend running my hands under hot water during one of my 2 five-minute breaks per day. It's the only time at the office I don't spend constantly looking over my shoulder, worrying about my increasingly uncertain future in this increasingly unviable startup founded to support an increasingly irrelevant industry.
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It irks me so when I work hard to get the code good and right, then someone comes in and adds the smallest of additions and doesn't care to get the details right. Functionally it works though so I really can't complain because we're already behind schedule and just need to ship something already
absolve ( 13 ) condemn ( 1 )

My coworkers throw around the phrases "Object Oriented" and "Design Patterns" like they're going out of style, but they write the most disgusting antipattern bullshit full of static classes that work strictly via side effects on other classes... it's really led to me hating Java developers and the Java "community".
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I have a colleague that starts complaining about whatever technology he is using when he gets stuck. He gets stuck all the time since he's terrible in problem solving, I'm not sure if he can solve anything. I stopped replying to him when he asks something.
absolve ( 11 ) condemn ( 1 )

Is there any documentation concerning CC's absolve/condemn choices? Often I want to absolve the author and condemn the practice.
absolve ( 11 ) condemn ( 5 )

My boss taught himself programming and now dictates incredibly dumb coding conventions. He learned about namespaces. Now our namespace is named "namespace". Functions are called "execute_this", "step1", "step2", "step3", etc.
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I love low level technical stuff, like coding drivers, API, optimizing, reading the memory to understand issues, and so on...I also love to design elegant and (hopefully) great object architectures. But sincerely, I hate so much algorithms....I hate it so much that I usually dodge it and solve algorithm issues with architecture...Now I'm programming algorithm in C, and I hate it so much, and avoided it so much, that I feel clueless and almost unable to realize what I was asked to....
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Being a father seriously impacts my performance. Family and the long commute take away all my mental energy. I feel mentally drained when I finally arrive to work. I was better when I didn't have things to think about other than work.
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I feel my skill set is outdated but I don't know where to branch out to where it's most beneficial to my career.
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I can't stand developers who change the framework, language or database more often than their underwear. Rather than become experts they are just monkeys who jump on the hipster bandwagon with all the other idiots.
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TFS is a cheap toy. A steaming pile of garbage. Anyone who loves it is not a good developer in my books.
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My boss had us remove all error handling form the system because it just "hid" errors. Now if someone submits invalid JSON to our servers they crash. That's our fault because if we had written it correctly it wouldn't crash. Riiiight.
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A client has hired yet another web designer to redo their catalog web site. The new design has a page that will display catalog versions and their URIs within the company's internal network. I pointed out publishing privileged information such as internal URIs does not fall in the scope of best security practices. The response was the page will be "secret". Security by obscurity lives on.
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I can't trust any other programmer. Even though they pass the interview with hard questions about KISS, DRY, SOLID, MVP, YAGNI, you name it, they still come in and repeatedly copy and paste brain dead shit all over the place.
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The head of training at our company, the one who is in charge of making us into better information workers, sent out a slide deck this morning and told us to print it all out on paper to bring to the meeting this afternoon, and to bring our laptops.
absolve ( 3 ) condemn ( 18 )

I hate having to work with such a nasty codebase at work, so on my personal (open source) projects I am incredibly meticulous; every six months or so I go back over the entire codebase, and if something doesn't immediately make sense I rewrite it. I'll probably never finish any of them, but at least I stuck to my principles.
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Once a Jenkins build is blue and sunny, it *must* stay that way. I fix any issues then delete lesser builds to avoid the clouds.
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Inherited a codebase from an agency who outsources their development to Pakistan. Some of the worst code I've ever seen, unused variables, business logic in data access, unreachable code...the whole shebang. Thought just the codebase was bad, then I saw our source control is shared with their other clients with full read/write access. Logging is also performed to a publicly accessible MySQL instance, which is also shared between clients with full read/write access.
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Sometimes I feel like they don't pay me enough to stand my workmates and this shitty job.
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I am earning low salary despite my experience because I cannot sell myself well on the job interviews.
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It's been so long that I work with winforms that I fear no one will want to hire me for web developing anymore.
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My company hired a new frontend developer. He asked why the backend is on c# and not in .net?
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PHP is magical.
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Back end developers are arseholes
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Unless they only consist of simple algorithms, I think programming exams that don't let you actually run and test the program are bullshit. Sure, it's important to be able to trace your code, but it's a huge headache to check each and every line in case you missed a semicolon or parenthesis. And some things might work in theory but won't actually compile because of some stupid crap reason.
absolve ( 9 ) condemn ( 2 )

The only thing I know in VIM is how to quit it.
absolve ( 36 ) condemn ( 6 )

My new job has a junior programmer that tries to obstruct the software goals of management and replace them with his own ideas. Ah, to have left that life behind. What a fucking relief. Now I can finally focus on what I'm going to spend all this fucking money on.
absolve ( 9 ) condemn ( 1 )

I don't comment my code, but proceed to make it opensource.
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Everything would be so much easier if I just somewhere in the UTC time zone... wherever that is.
absolve ( 25 ) condemn ( 2 )

whack_a_bool = lambda v: bool(v) and v not in ["0", "false", "False", "FALSE"]
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When I can't get a refactoring scheduled I break the feature by starting the refactoring anyway and do the refactoring during the estimated time for fixing it.
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Been coding poorly, and not on this site recently. Wondering if there's any correlation...
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I am earning most of my income now retro-fitting websites we built a few years ago to now have responsive layouts. Of course some might say we should have made them responsive in the first place - after all, iphones aren't exactly recent. But why sell a jam donut when you can sell a plain donut and jam later! Of course, five years ago when I should have been taking notice of technology, I was still using tables for layouts, and ignoring deprecation warning in my PHP4 code, and leaving magic quotes runtime on the server! Today, I still don't own an android or iphone.
absolve ( 9 ) condemn ( 17 )

Our system is so filled with bugs, random errors, half-implemented features and hacked-together components that I seriously fear for the future of this company.
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I've believe that many corporations are a breeding ground for incompetence
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Here I am thinking I was behind the curve in C# world. Got a new job, and it turns out the senior developers don't know what SOLID really is (although they know what the acronym represents) . I feel so much better now.
absolve ( 16 ) condemn ( 4 )

I am terrified of disappointing people, so when I am tasked with something I don't understand very well I sit on it having panic attacks, creating awful code smells and wasting time. In reality, all I have to do is ask questions and everything works fine, but that always makes me feel like I'm proving to them that they're misplacing their trust. I am a competent developer when the pressure is off, but as soon as it's on the tears start flowing and nothing gets done.
absolve ( 45 ) condemn ( 6 )

Found out today after second day on job that we are using enterprise admin credentials in batch ETL processes that basically copies files from here to there and that the credentials are hard code in the source and is in a repository anyone can see. They did this to avoid dealing with pesky ACL's. It seems all the techs know this since they have told me we have access to everything, and they mean everything. The upside is I am now an enterprise admin. The downside is if I report it and make a big deal out of it they may shoot the messenger.
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I tried using sed to emulate common command line tools, but grep, head, tail, etc. are so much easier to use, Mac BSD warts and all.
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I am tasked with developing a web site for an openly bigoted politician. I'm gay. Let's see how this winds up.
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Many programmers are too much about crossing the river and not enough about building the bridge.
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My employer bought us a copy of Webstorm, but I never use it. I just can't give up ST3.
absolve ( 17 ) condemn ( 10 )

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I got a call to update the front-end of a website. But as soon as I saw the back-end source code, I was horrified. It was filled with bugs and possible security exploits. I did my job as they asked me to, but never told them about those problems..
absolve ( 9 ) condemn ( 23 )