Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

to all the people who says PHP sucks: Touche.

don't use the password "fucktheboss" for the office PC. you'll regret it.

I commit my code so when I messed it up I can reset hard.

My co-worker use to search. I wonder what is the address bar used for then.

I use to test if Internet is connected.

i've started smoking cigars to get more break

I chose a name for a framework that I wish I had written. never happened.

I work 4 hours but invoice 8.

I wrote a Swift book but still use Objective-C in production

I am more deeply concerned about code quality in my hobby projects than my professional ones.

I really thought I would enjoy sitting behind a computer screen and code for 8 hours a day. I have never been more wrong.

Its PCI season .. Now i remember all my sins ...

I have never written a unit test in my 10 year long career

I wish all programming languages were whitespace-dependent.

During standup, nearly all my coworkers claim they "complete" project backlog tasks, then make breaking changes in the "completed" code days or weeks later. Now any time anyone needs me to change code I wrote that met requirements, I raise it as an impediment in standup.

I'm going back to school to become an electrical engineer. I tell people I'm really motivated to go back to college. But I fear I'm mostly doing it to get away from my current software development job.

I'm having a burnout at work. I can't avoid work as I need the money but I can't do any work either so I'm claiming to have done work that hasn't been done yet.

Every time I write more code to make reading the tests easier, the bugs go away.

I am interested in trying HHVM

I turned down an interviewee for a job because he said, "I'm familiar with both operating systems - Windows and Mac".


I don't regret leaving Angular behind.

Through prolonged user testing and continually updating the UI we have arrived at my original ignored suggestion.

I don't give a stuff about the latest framework because I know it'll be forgotten in 2 or 3 years.

started using Abinitio, how the hell did I end up here.

I can't easely read OO syntax. I started in structured...

I have database password in clear in my chef repo. :(

I am a Joomla developer :(

I'm tired of being surrounded by arrogant 24-year-old "senior" developers who honestly seem to believe that "no one has ever done this before".

I don't want to do pair or ping pong programming, because my pair will know how often I want to go to the loo.

Every time I look at code I've written more than about six months ago, I say to myself: "Dude. You were an idiot when you wrote this". I'm starting to think I might just be an idiot.

I am a programmer spending his spare time learning how to become a designer...

Whenever someone says they're rewriting everything from scratch because the previous programmers were horrible I question their competence. Maybe they are just too incompetent to understand code they didn't write.

I had discovered a crutial thing to fix in my project aside of scrum tasks. However before I had written a TODO, someone distracted me with a question and I have forgit it. Up to now I still can't recall what it was.

Today was the last day on my job after rebuilding a complex sales system from scratch because the previous coder was an idiot. The manager asked me to put all my files and docs in a shared folder with a password. I made the password "guess" Only my manager who understands my personality understood when I sent our my last email and stated "guess - the new password."

I like agile done right.

American programmers are the worst. Lazy, entitled, and apathetic. My coworkers and myself do the same work for a third the price and twice as fast. Thank you for sending us your jobs because we are good at them.

I'll never work at Google because I don't know how to invert a binary tree.

No matter the project, if I hear a raspberry pi is involved I start liking it.

"I don't know" has become my best friend in this industry

Scrum masters, wow, really.

I've written computer games in Excel so that I can play them and still appear to be working.

I must confess, that I'm working on a bigger web project and use a mixed style of object-oriented php and procedural php .. Although I master oo in Java, I hate using it with PHP .. I also mixed up the MVC structure of the framework I am using for user authentication .. in the end I don't care much about it ... it is just supposed to work and as long as this is given I don't even feel ashamed.

I hate to admit this, but I love Java; it was my first programming language, and while, more than a decade later, I'm proficient in many languages (from JS to C to Lisp) and many IDEs (from vim to VS) nothing gives me the same sense of productivity and satisfaction as writing something in Java with IntelliJ. I deserve your condemnation.

I don't think Jira solves everything.

I wrote one line of code today

As someone who turns out custom chunks of C++ requested by engineers at a government agency, I have no idea what node.js, mongo, or what any other 1000th iteration of the flavor of the month is... and I don't care to learn either.

I blurted out "This uses node.JS and mongo? It's written in hipster" in work today about a product we make. Whoops

Getting hounded by recruiters - I pretend I don't like it, but I do.