Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

My colleagues sprinkle behaviour-changing feature toggles all over the code base. I move the recurring ones into a mix of states, strategies, and factories to centralise logic and reduce human error potential. I worry daily that I'm an Architect, I know for certain my colleagues are Neanderthals, and I'm not sure which is worse.
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Been programming since 12, graduated 2nd in class at university, still loving it. Now programming for a year as a job and I'm sick of it!
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I'm tired of working with "geniuses" and "smartest guy in the room" types, because inevitably, they aren't. I'm actually actively looking for boring Enterprise jobs where I'll write crap code for crap intranet apps.
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i have real concerns about the amount of information humanity is generating/storing. both physical and cosmic concerns.
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My company won't promote me to lead developer because of my age.
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I really resent that we're supposed to be so fucking jazzed about what we do.
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I'm the only one at my job that knows how to use git without a GUI.
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The other devs I work with constantly complain about git having constant merge conflicts, but they refuse to develop in branches, and don't know what a rebase is.
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I am afraid of writing bad code, so most of the time I end up not writing code :/
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Having read some of the posts about the change in dress code for the US Digital Service, I’m appalled that not having to wear a suit is somehow seen as a great conquest for programmers. I know that there are groups within the discipline that cultivate a casual/cutting-edge/fringe look (and outlook) for themselves, but god damn. Have sense of decorum once in a while.
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A couple days ago I learned that our record deduplication algorithm is using regex to compare a couple lines generated by MySQL group_concat() (usually `list_aggregate()` for those of you with real databases).
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At the end of a successful sprint, I would like to interrupt the daily office operations with my interpretation of a programmers version of "We did it", that Dora the explorer sings. It would bring a fun change to the mundane office attitude.
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I work at a tech mega corp and our development environment is an internally built web app/cms/ace editor ide that doesn't live under version control. Checking our code into the companies version control system is our "launch process". I'm actually impressed by how ridiculously stupid the dev workflow is here... but what do I know? I'm just a front end developer.
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I was supposed to learn Scheme over the summer in preparation for my senior year of college.
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Yesterday I went to a "meetup" of devs on my programming language. I felt like such a clown!, didn't understand what they were talking about!, most things just went above my head!... Then asked the people around me and they didn't get it either. I think is normal?, any way now to learn about functional programming, and a thousand more things... hate feeling this ignorant!
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I've stopped fighting to get priority on my devops tasks. Now I just file a ticket and let it languish until the inevitable production failures occur. Maybe a few more avoidable failures will embarrass management into giving a shit.
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"That won't work [I don't understand]" "We tried that already [not really]". I'm done hearing it, I've got my cowboy hat and stirrups on.
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I hate this industry. What I can't get over nowadays is the temporality of our work. There's a saying that "All code will become legacy code one day" that means everything I'm working on today that I am proud of will one day be obsolete and mean absolutely jack shit. Code that I have previously written and been proud of is already obsolete and means jacks shit. What's the point? The paycheck. Awesome...
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I am not being assigned any development work (most assigned work is fiddling around with servers and pointless client meetings) so I work on my own open source project during the day, remote in after work and commit it so it looks like I am working furiously on the project during the night.
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I stopped giving shit to our project when our project manager always change the requirements when we already finish the tasked.
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I enjoy deleting other people's code. The more code, work and effort they have put into it, the more I enjoy it. I'm talking about useless code like where a library should have been used instead of writing the code from scratch, or some pointless software pattern has been blindly followed when really all that was needed was one or two simple lines of code. I delete all their code and replace it with the (arguably more readable) minimal code.
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I think that using 'goto' to break out of nested loops in languages that don't support label breaks is a perfectly legitimate use of the control structure.
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The latest version of my CV contains my Stackoverflow-rep-count.
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I just left a sprint planning session where once again the "write integration tests" task got left out due to delivery requirements. We have no integration testing whatsoever of our main (complex) core system. It was like that when I started (a few months ago), and it's still like that now. All testing is manual. I left inner shame that we did not fight harder with business to get bandwidth to create integration tests (admittedly a lot of work, for the first one due to all the legs this beast has).
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I die a little inside every time I'm reviewing a pull request and see something along the lines of: variable = (condition that evaluates to a boolean) ? true : false; I usually end up not saying anything, as I think the people on that team probably wouldn't understand even if I did try to explain it.
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Typically, I stop caring about features right around the time I fully understand them and realize that the design needs to change. So, if you can look past the few hacks I tacked on the end... my code is great.
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I hate compromise and quick and dirty approaches to delivering features. We keep building piles of crap on top of other piles of crap. Being tired of it, I completely relinquished the control over one component of our system and isolated myself in the realm of two other components that I have complete control over. The end result - my components are working fine with manageable complexity, while that other component I gave up on is a freaking mess that has been holding back new releases for the last two months. And I've watched its failure with a sadistic pleasure.
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My secret for making any app "look native" is making it look as close as possible to a wrapper off a loaf of Wonderbread.
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I use P4 reviews to police anything in the depot I've worked on
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I deeply and truly think that crashes are not optional at no development stage, and I actually code in such a way that they, basically, never happen. It's just a matter of self-training. I have no high regard for developers who are accepting or forgiving of crashes.
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Finding it hard to contain my frustration. The build has been utterly decimated by a guy who committed a load of hacks and shortcuts after I spent months getting it into shape.
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I expect any technology company whose product will exist in a codebase to market their name in a language-agnostic way, or better, acknowledge many different ways to write it for different languages. I'm looking at you, vCenter. Or, should I say, VCenter, v_center, v-center, and vcenter.
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There's more lines of code copied from Stack Overflow posts in my codes than code actually wrote by me.
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I think programers should either like programming, no matter what area of work or language, or shut up about it! Of course, this does not include bad bosses that make our lives hell.
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I did a large refactor, and put code up for review, with no tests. The code had no tests to begin with, so I put in the description that I compared the outputs to validate my changes. This was right after lecturing my intern on the importance of integration testing, and the difference between unit and integration tests.
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I asked my professor what YAML stood for and his head blew up.
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Step 1: Open IDE Step 2: Space out
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I pride myself in having the shortest scrum/standup summary of my team... Nobody cares about my hard-to-trace NullPointer. I also play a game with myself during the meeting called "Who is peacocking the best today". This game entails discerning who is the biggest bullshitter for the day and guessing who it will be tomorrow.
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I had a good design review today with people spanning multiple teams, and all I could think walking away was, "I wonder if they're all just being nice," even though I know that they're all quite vocal about things they don't like. Sometimes I wonder not if I'm OK at my job, but whether I'll ever *feel* good at it.
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My superiors think I don't know how to write clean code, but the shameful truth is that I write dirty hacks to get the job done because I have too low of a salary to care and too much work to do to spend any time planning or refactoring. Every time I make a commit I feel bad for the poor guy/gal who will be looking at it when I find a better job.
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I open source "generic" components of my company's proprietary software under my own GitHub profile, without the company knowing. I only do this if I wrote over 90% of the component myself.
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I think web developpers who think they are programming "applications" should learn what an "application" is. In my opinion, this arrogance is one of the main reason the job offers are a mess nowadays
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We have a big class (12k loc) responsible for performing incremental application and database updates. Today i debugged the monster line by line cause it didn't work anymore. After 6 hours I reached the end: //updater.executeUpdateChain(); Thx to my co-worker who wanted to save 20 seconds per deployment!
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I feel like technology companies promote people to major in Computer Science to drive down salaries. But I'm just paranoid.
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I confess that I've being studying CS since 2011, that is, I'm almost graduating and I dont feel confident about my programming skills. I actually dont consider myself a programmer and I constantly doubt about which carrer in CS I should take.
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I spent 6 months trying to build a mobile app with Adobe Air because I thought having a single codebase for both ios and android would save time. It didn't.
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I hop from language to language hoping to find one that will magically solve all my problems.
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"git push -f ..." === "I'm the boss!"
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2014-08-08_17_10_09-about_codegear%e2%84%a2_delphi%c2%ae_for_win32%c2%ae I'm a Delphi programmer. It's been 5 years now.
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Our client has processed nearly 3 million dollars through a system we built with exactly 0 tests.
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