Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

a man looked at me on the bus. i felt so unbearable.... so.... vulnerable . #metoo

my neglected wrinkled balls groan and creak under the weight of my C++ belly gut.

Joke o'clock. Two bright, young talented black kids enter a coding competition.

You can't steal shit from a Jewish brother. Unless you want to get the power drill out and start bagging up the bricks.

Telesketch iPhone App
Play Telesketch
A multiplayer, drawing game from the idiot behind Coding Confessional.
Call me a racist if you really must but I really dislike Indians. It must be said that they smell like chilli carnival toilet, have idiotic and ridiculous customs and religious beliefs that I don't tolerate or believe in, and believe rugs belong on walls and not the floor. Well, I must say I'd rather not share my personal space with these tools. Please, be gone. Back to whence thine came and take the foul stench with you. Yours sincerely, Trump.

I never actually coded shit. I just like watching tutorial videos and sometimes even buying a book or two and working on my projects but when it actually comes to doing anything for anyone else, I suck more cock than everyone on Harvey Weinstein's payroll.

I like IT i just fucking hate dressing up like a ponce and sitting at some cubicle like a dickhead, doing menial repetitive bullshit only to be shat upon from a great height and told its my paycheck. I like IT. I don't like working IT. Kiss my inverted orangutang nutsack.

I confess my dream... I want to be like chef Gordon Ramsey. But on the software world... Going to contracts, and yelling at people for letting things go rotten. While the owners are at risk of losing it all thanks to some fucked up cook and staff... Oh wait, I just need some Michelin stars, what would that be? making millions in the app store? working for some wanki giant? having my repo featured on GitHub?... Oh dreams of a lowly cook...

MVC its like abc do re mi 123 fuck u and me

We would be better off in programming if people would climb out of their ivory towers for a chance and take a breather instead of petulant name calling. I sometimes too get defensive when someone else's stating an opinion on my coding habits. Feels like a punch in the gut. Of course I'll call them out on their choice of indentation as a rebuttal.

nerd-sniping is bullying

Dear Microsoft: Fuck off. I was reading that IMPORTANT fucking email, and trying to juggle the 7 other emails from clients that I had open, when you decided to close out of all the MS office software on my computer to "update office" -- so go fuck yourself.

I get so wet whenever our CEO is around. Confident assertive men with money -- so hot! Too bad I work in programming, where all the men are weak pushovers.

Windows 10 is going in the trash this time. It won't fucking update. Its a bloody operational risk.

I do my little turn on the catwalk.

Is it Monday yet?

Hogan's Heroes are the real heroes.

Sandwich Artists are the real heroes

Scientists are the real heros.

I am 24. I worked in a bank with Java 6, IBM Jazz Rational application developer 9 and Websphere application server (don't even know what was the version). Sometimes there were some noob-level angular 1.5.3 tasks and those guys had git. I left and now I will work with Clojure. I knew VIM and currently reeducating muself to use Spacemacs. Hate me. And please, give me all the gayness you can 😂 And GFY guy, you're fucking welcome 😂

Its not that JavaScript is bad, its just that you are not smart enough to use it. No need for TypeScript crutches.

I hate forced software patterns with a burning passion. If I ever see a *Manager or *Handler in the wilderness again, I'm going to throw up. If I ever see a UML spider net of unused Interfaces, Factories or Adapters, I'm going to blame you solely for catching new bugs all the time. If I ever hear someone recommend using basic unchecked singletons whist claiming that globals are evil and collections of functions outside a class are the devil's work I'm going to rm -rf it all.

Everyone says JavaScript and PHP are terrible languages but most jobs in my area use them. Gotta pay the bills somehow...