Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

We're well over-due on a too-big-to-fail project. It makes me livid that I can't get the very same people who told me to stop writing tests and to just write quick-and-dirty code to approve that same "quick and dirty" code in review... and once they if they do approve it, someone wants it refactored two weeks later, but still without tests or spec or planning... A lot of days I hope we all get shamed in front of the company and then fired.

I feel like a giant part of me is missing after I had to go from Visual Studio and C# to Eclipse and Java.

I have no idea what to do and my boss is on holiday. So I'm filling my days playing risk and ping pong.

Yesterday, I wrote a function with 8 if-statements and 3 loops to pull a single string out of a very large object. Today I looked at it again and I could see the fatigue in my variable name choices: Inside the first if-statement I have "currentEligibleReversalTransaction" ... towards the middle I went with "refItem" and inside the the last loop I decided to go with simply "t"

It doesn't matter how many times I consult with my lead about the design. No matter how many code reviews we do together. He'll still change it once It's submitted.

Dev with 20 years exp here. I say SOLID is mostly academic shit. Word to those rushing to condemn: I've read Clean Code, sat Mark Seemann's Pluralsight training course and been working with objects forever. Come tell me why I'm wrong, with examples.

I have never confessed more often then since I work at this well known bank

I think mocks are nearly always an abomination. The speed of tests is usually an argument for creating them, but I think it is always possible to do without them.

Hammertime I've been coding for 10 years and I can't complete anything without the help of google and stackoverflow.

I hate my coworker who uses functional programming everywhere but never bothers about duplicate code and readability

I hate it when people don't bother to learn : new tools, productivity shortcuts in their editor or understand deeply how a bug was solved.

At work, everyone has to use windows, so I've setup a vm so that I can use tmux, vim and the command line and not one of those dummy IDEs

I often take on more projects that I can manage and tend to give predilection to those that most interest me at the moment as opposed to making better disciplined and strategic decisions. I should change that.

I used a regular expression to tokenize a mathematical expression instead of a lexer.

I have been coding professionally for 3 years. And I have yet to finish any of the 5 personal projects i started in my first year of employment

Lying and fake confidence gets me further than giving accurate estimates and doing lots of good work.

I'm working on a new internal software and people keep treating the feature requirements as their personal Christmas wishlist.

I don`t understand the Visitor pattern

I'm an associate dev, and keep getting work from other people that is 80% complete with defects in them! So not only do I have to finish their work, and take the blame for it not being complete.. I have to figure out what the hell it's meant to be doing in the first place!! I feel guilty for complaining about them but they should finish the work they started!!!(exclamation points for emphasis!)

People in my compsci class keep thinking that following ruby tutorials constitutes actual projects.

I'm insanely jealous of all these developers who seem to be making $120k+. How the hell do I get a job like that?

I've been a manager for about 18 months now, and more than anything I just want to be a code monkey again.

A client has a 14 year old XML web service fronting a RDBMS data store. I've been tasked with making the web interface use the client's new OLAP data store. At the moment the client doesn't care that the old interface's requests and types are not compatible with those of the new data store. That contents of the two data stores are dis-similar is also of no concern. It's their money and as long as the checks are good I'll do what they want.

I try to do 1/3 of open source/ personal projects, 1/3 of reading and 1/3 of work (including mails, ...) At my day job

This is what co-worker commits $direction = $ordering = $query_order_by = ""; if($param_array['dir'] != "")$direction = $param_array['dir']; if($param_array['order'] != "")$ordering = $param_array['order']; And this is why I resign...

I'm not great at nor do I enjoy managing time or people. I just want to write code.

I confess I can't have much respect for someone who indents with spaces...

FitchLearning have some of the worst code I've ever seen, hardly any resources dedicated to development and tech leads with infinite patience who do not understand that consistently adding to the technical debt goes completely against their job descriptions. Someone shoot me.

I used a goto to solve a problem.

I hate Microsoft TFS.

The new absolve/condemn buttons are horrible

Flavor of the Month at the office: Dependency Injection. My manager just found out what Dependency Injection is and now believes everything can be solved with it.

A couple of weeks ago my company had a big push to donate to the United Way. They gave everyone a manilla envelope with forms to fill out for your pledge and there was also a tie pin or collar pin in there. I threw away the envelope and the forms, but I still wear the tie pin around the office sometimes.

I work for a company that does security consultancy for some big name clients. Some of the stuff I've seen makes me want to get off the Internet forever.

I’m part of a small team maintaining a large, complex legacy system. It was built piecemeal over many years and is a PITA to deal with. We can’t move away from it because it brings in the $$$. We don’t have the resources to overhaul. Management claims they’re trying to hire more devs but they’ve been saying that for six months. We have a company meeting end of month. If there’s no change I’m leaving.

I thought cleaning our database full of dirty data would be a matter of writing a few scripts, so I took over the task from my colleague who was doing it manually, record by record. I was quickly proven wrong, but continued. Just as I thought I was getting somewhere, I found random newlines in strings all over the place. Now I'm doing it record by record.

Over the years most of the projects I started at work as 'proof of concept or quick and dirty solution' ended up as tools used by my company's customers on a daily basis. As a result, I never got a chance of starting a new project as it is supposed to be: with architecture, design and requirements in place. The worst part is that I don't even feel sorry for this, seeing the q&d ones working without complaints. Forgive me father...

I just started a new job and most of the company runs on "hopeful" cron jobs. Meaning subsequent crons are not called by the previous. They are set on guestamated job time intervals. We get a lot of read/write errors...

I waste time fixing team member's coding style atrocities while working on features, then rebase and remove all style changes before submitting a pull request because I don't want people to think I'm an asshole.

The high management want me to innovate, my manager want me to deliver; I just use their misalignment to procrastinate.

We sell the image of being an agile-enabled company but we have so much internal processes that we don't realy use ASE at all

I've taken out developers access (from one team) to our development environment because their "developments" were breaking my team code and I hadn't told anyone until they started complaining of lack of access

Our company has developed (Programmed) their own document management system, it's a nightmare to use.

I attempt to exploit most websites I visit on a daily basis.. Mostly for fun and the challenge itself.

Ha! Just heard a talk from Martin Ford (robots replacing all the jobs), and he focused on how even programmers are being replaced by AI. Then it dawned on me. The additions of complexity to language like C#? That is not to make it easier for humans to code (because it sure doesn't). It is to make it easier for AI. The average of 20 overloads in System.Web.Mvc? No problem for a code-bot. Insanity for a human.

The longer the build takes, the more likely I am to buy stupid crap on the Internet. The build just took 12 mins and I just bought a $50 Totoro coin bank... that seems about right.

DAE think php is bad? What about javascript?

I've already coded in ABAP

I push directly onto the live server because there are too many layers of shit to wade through otherwise.

Is it just me or asp the best thing ever! #LongLiveASP #LongliveMicrosoft