Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

I'm damn good at code conception, edge cases thinking, and making robust code...My colleague is damn good at making quick code that is neither done, nor to do. My work mostly consists of fixing poorly architectured, poorly wirtten, uncommented, untested, that just "fakes working" code. I'm tired...I often want to just yell "f*ck*ng let me write this from start"
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I took a module for a software used in the Ariane 4 and just used in the Ariane 5 rocket, which happened to crash due to a stupid type conversion error 36 seconds after start. I could have checked the module for errors before using it, but i was just too lazy. Well i hope this site is anonymous, else I'm in trouble.
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I'm sick and tired of building CRUD Web application after CRUD Web application. It's solving the same problem, in the same way, with the same tools, over and over again. I want to move into back-end development but the only jobs here are for even more CRUD Web applications. It's severely demotivating.
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Every time I have to use Xamarin Studio I die a little inside.
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I can tell I'm going to have a shitty day if I open my laptop and my IDE is already open.
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My employers encourage me to put in "band-aid" fixes and hacks into existing hacks just because it will be faster. I hate them so much.
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Some days, I reflect and realize that our product is a massive bloated aging platform doomed to perpetual mediocraty. Giving my all to improve it is like a drop in the ocean. And that makes me sad.
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When I'm bored, I arpspoof my colegues and replace words in their browsers
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I make a point of using Powershell extensively, because it intimidates my coworkers
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Apparently it's common practice in my company to intertwine PHP into JQuery code....
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I really like TypeScript :)
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For a long time I felt bad for web developers, because I know how much of a pain styles and such can be, and they take so much crap from "real" devs... then I spent a weekend with Node and Bootstrap building an aesthetically pleasing, functional web app. I no longer feel bad for them, they have it fucking easy nowadays.
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Our software release must not exceed 300Kb to fit on the target board. To make the limit, I reduced one png file from 154 bytes to 123. I don't know whether I should celebrate or cry.
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I have no actual talent in this industry. I just try really hard and have a good memory. I envy you guys.
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After I planned all aspects of my next hobby project and solved all big problems in my head, I lose all motivation to do said project. It's just not exciting anymore.
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I am currently merging and managing code with WinMerge
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I work for a startup. A lot of my coworkers will work 7am-6pm days, no lunch, even when there is no time-critical work to be done...I'm definitely a strict 9-5 guy (unless work requires it). I feel like maybe I'm not giving enough for the "startup worklife."
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I feel uncomfortable when I am reminded I work on a low-cost geo... I feel like a second-class citizen... I know it's true, but can you please NOT remind me I do the same work as the US/Europe guys for 1/3rd of the price in dollars?
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My coworkers don't realize I suffer from crippling depression because I'm remote and pretend I don't spend days without ever leaving the couch. Then they bitch about how I work harder than any of them and make them look bad, when really, I just respond instantly to emails at every hour of the night or day because I have nothing else in my life.
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I make some 110K USD as a front-end dev, and still grumble about my pay being too low.
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I tell people I do js unit testing, but I really have no clue.
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My hobby project is on its fourth rewrite, in its third language.
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When I get bored at work, I delete rows from tables and then rollback the transaction.
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If I hear one more bullshit marketing buzzword I might kill someone. Possibly myself
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A bug cropped up in production but could not be reproduced in the dev environment. From the production logs, I guessed what could have cause the bug and committed a fix for it, without any testing. Now the bug is fixed.
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I started a new job recently, and whenever I hear someone complain about the "legacy" code, I want to beat them, then take them on a field trip to my old office... because I used to work with Perl developers.
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I wrote Python in a Linux environment for years, and am nnow constantly amazed by how much my "just works" Windows workstation makes simple dev tasks in the Java world ridiculously complicated.
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Our CTO spent half of our weekly dev meeting today telling us how to account for a shorter than usual, early or late lunch period on the time sheets we now have to print out and hand in since the company is growing and we have doubled the tech staff and need to get that under control. Never mind that we can't build anything we have without hacks, and after that deliver what we built without an all hands on deck fire drill and more hacks.
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Our teamlead dismisses bugs on the basis that "our users aren't smart enough to find that"
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I was going to use/make some sort of DOMBuilder class, but ended up with a series of if statements for my formbuilder functions. ._. I feel dirty now.
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Sometimes I see bugs in my code that could lead to people being able to cheat the code in my games but honestly sometimes I just don't have the will to even fix it so I just leave it.
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As the new guy I was asked to set up build machine jobs and jumped at it. It turns out nothing we have builds without having the right collection of DLL's in a special directory in the root of the C drive and without checking out specific yet uncertain branches of 23 different source code trees. I bet my CTO, the former lead developer $1000 he could not do it either and I am still walking around with 10 crisp Benjamin's in my pocket.
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Just got assigned to working on the companies latest and greatest work in progress, an SPA implementation of our flagship product. It turns out the browser has to download over 200 JavaScript files, views, controllers, services, factories just to get to the login page. While I am happy to be included, I think we may be doing it wrong, and we have not even really started.
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I'm only making $0.90 more per hour doing software development here than I was taking out the trash. Yes, I'm still hourly and no, I still can't park in the front parking lot. I barely make enough to pay all my bills without fear of losing my food budget. The only reason I'm not looking for a new job is because I'm afraid of being fired for being transgender at a more uptight company.
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When I first started working for a small dev team (5 people). They kept all their projects in a folder on the company's file server. I introduced them to VCS and had to explain to them over and over why it was a good idea. I'm an intern.
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I sort of like working with Joomla
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I hate my fucking boss when he is always... shouting at me when im coding... didnt he realize im concentrating on my work... DAMN dude... I hate this company really... Im working now for money...
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I'm sick and tired of providing 99.99% solutions just to support some "has-always-been-like-this"-legacy-code...
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I love it when a server crashes or code breaks down. Yes sucks for the costumer, but it keeps me busy
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In order to speed up delivery of our Java project, we received a new 'senior' 'Java' 'dev' who turned out to have no programming experience. Rather than continue spending several hours a week explaining to him what an 'object' is and why he shouldn't commit code that has wavy red lines under it, I just send him on wild goose chases through the code so he'd leave me alone.
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I secretly wish HTML frames would come back in vogue. I think they would fascilitate an increase in the single-responsibility principle with web development
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My validation at work as a programmer is fully random. When I work my ass off and care about what I am doing nobody notices, when I stop giving a f*** and just close enough tickets to get through the day I usually get a raise and promotion.
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I use what little I know of Javascript to disable the time limit of this porn site. It normally previews a fixed amount of minutes of a video before stopping it and forcing you to sign up. No way am I doing that.
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I eat lunch with a mix of marketing and management instead of with my chronically indignant "peers" in engineering.
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At my work place, we construct lists of non-contiguous record identifiers and query the databases in giant IN() clauses. These queries consistently perform worse than equivalent queries utilising direct lookup. For some of the queries, we transmit the identifier lists as strings, which are then split in the database before any actual querying takes place.
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I realised that at work my productivity is about 10-20% of what I have when I work on my own projects... and even though I procrastinate so much I am in top 5% of my countries income. I am not sure if I could do a work that actually requires you to give your best every day, it scares me.
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As a developer in a small internal team part of a larger organization, we write a lot of code to automate internal processes. Over the years the code has gotten so large with every anti-pattern implemented, that most of our work involves reading emails and fixing broken code or side-effect of broken code so some process can occur. I took the initiative to try to write clean, concise code using well accepted patterns, instead of quickly patching. I am the weakest link in my team, I'm sure my manager has never seen a single of code I've written. I have to embrace spaghetti code.. :(
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I wish I had stayed in academia doing research.
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When I started with this company, I could not remember the names of the other devs. So I added a comment somewhere: (//ask the fat guy if this method shouldn't be synchronized). I forgot to remove it and commited it (he didn't notice). 3 years later I found the comment again. I had fear to remove it NOW, cause maybe he might see the commit this time. (He's my boss now). So I deleted ALL files from the repo, pushed, removed the comment and pushed all files again to obfuscate the actual change - told him it happened by accident.
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If the management doesn't care to solve a specific problem, why should I care fighting for it? I should stop caring, and start using this issue as an excuse to eventual delays and low productivity, instead of increasing my stress levels for it...
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