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Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Confess

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


I have 15+ years of Front-end programming. I have 3+ years using Promises. I still think callback based code is more readable and easier to maintain. I still feel debugging promise errors a pain.

Refacto Sometime I come across code I want to refactor, just for the sake of refactoring. My lead doesn't want to, and it makes me feel really sad :( As a revenge, I do the changes I want to do locally, but I never push them and end up reverting all of my work.

Father forgive me, Its been a while since my last confession.

I writ a progrim for a hospital in my country but I dont know what is a variable or is a function

Tried to use the code from the Stack Overflow question instead of the Stack Overflow answer

I wish I worked with the fun no-lifers I meet on IRC. I can't relate to most people with wives and kids and interests like football and house loans, especially when they aren't involved in any internet subcultures. Also, the people on IRC are mostly literate, which is a bonus.

PHP sucks PHP is not a language PHP is...

I think pair programming is a horrible idea. No one likes having other people look over their shoulder while they code. It stresses people out.

I regularly pretend to not understand $CONCEPT so that I can do "pair learning" (talk, read & discuss articles, etc.) with my coworker with the goal of getting him to understand just enough of $CONCEPT to agree with some opinion I have about it.

Sometimes when the boss goes out of town, I take the opportunity to invent fire drills that might get panicked developers to do work that's on my personal agenda and helps with marketing instead of the critical path items that they were actually assigned.

I put a background video on the homepage of a site.

As a "white male programmer", I'm sick of this race/gender war. I do realize that there is a disparity. Do I pretend to understand why women or people of color aren't getting involved with tech as often? No. All I know is that I am trying to make a living building websites for broke people and BUSTING MY ASS EVERY DAY TO TEACH MYSELF COMPUTER SCIENCE THEORY. I AM SICK OF PEOPLE INSINUATING THAT I DIDN'T EARN WHAT I HAVE BECAUSE I WAS BORN A WHITE MALE.

I'm glad I don't work for Alex St. John.

I'm new to coding, in fact, I'm not really a coder, but a wannabe who is trying to learn something about coding on Codecademy before I start a degree course in September. What I've surmised so far is that to get from point A(concept) to point B(A functioning piece of software) There's a bunch of code written by people like you who have populated this site with whining and some great humor. Getting from A to B seems to be a subjective journey in code writing i.e. every time I ask an advisor on Codecademy where I went wrong on the same piece of code as I asked another advisor about, I get a completely different answer. Codecademy even makes their assignments so obtuse that sometimes the advisors' heads are spinning. Am I heading into a schizophrenic career?

I thought I'd prefer freelancing to my 9-5, but as it turns out I am a horrible businessman who doesn't know the first thing about self-employment. The world is scary, will someone just pay me to code already?!

I'm a programmer and hate hanging out with other programmers. Most are either radically unfunny, think they're the world's hottest shit, or have their heads stuck up their assholes.

Since I realized that I can choose the name 'OP' when I comment, I regularly impersonate OP on other peoples confessions.

I'm so tired of procrastination jokes.

This is my third confession in a row.

If I find another library or website that says "made with <3" I'm going to give myself a lobotomy.

Sometimes I just want to bitch-slap the StackOverflow moderators.

The fuck is wrong with so-called "pre installed apps" and guess what, iOS adds a "feature" to hide them. wow.

I don't really want my kid to become a programmer, but I do want her to be knowledgeable enough to tell when she's being bullshitted to by one.

I don't think I've ever gotten anything useful out of any of the hundreds of daily stand-ups I've attended.

I spent more than 2 days making a newsletter look good for Outlook 2013.

I'm always being accused by my colleagues of posting on here. They can go piss up a rope, the fucksticks.

Until I've had 2 coffees, I can't understand a word anyone tells me. Simple SQL SELECT statements do not compute. C# methods are mystical. Is it just me?

I really, really hope my kid won't work in IT.

Implicit stuff is added to languages/techs etc. so that stupid people can learn those things and have jobs they would otherwise not have

I've never liked the product(s) put out by any company I've ever worked at.

I really just can't sniff out toxic jobs ahead of time. 3 of my past 4 roles have been with dysfunctional employers, and it's only been since leaving the last one that I've seen how messed up things had been and it wasn't just me being incompetent (which I was starting to think it was)... but now I'm too burnt up to be anything but lazy, and have a really long list of dealbreakers.

Occasionally, I open up my OpenBSD VM and try to change the default window manager and then a few minutes later exit out of frustration

so I went to that meeting about performance etc and I don't understand a word...

I think I've had enought of Java - not because it's bad (as everything - there are pros and cons) - it just somehow lures a lot of special type of minds - either "redo everything as I see fit and I'll leave before we have to maintain it" or "ok - this is a piece of crap but as long as they pay me...".

When in highschool I received my TI84, I tried writing programs on it in Javascript because I thought that was the universal language that would work even on calculators.

I've seen a strong correlation between putting a space before question marks and writing sloppy code. I know some languages do it, but when people read English daily for years without realizing that it's an error in English, it means they don't have a good eye for detail.

My CFLAGS has "-fno-strict-aliasing"

I hate the entirety of you assholes working for a measly salary serving any Chief Psychopath Officer and having the audacity to call yourselves "hackers". Backwards idiots.

I am so done with Oculus breaking runtime backwards compatibility. Fuck that company.

I hate swing and I hope I will never use it again

I'm so tired of coffee jokes. It's at the "sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays" level for me now.

I want to write compilers, parsers, and all kinds of impractical functional programming bullshit, but my job keeps me writing uninteresting applications in java, python, and javascript. It has nearly killed my enthusiasm for programming.

I make estimates that seem like enough time, but can never keep, and get in trouble when the deadline comes and I haven't finished the work

I make estimates that seem like enough time, but can never keep, and get in trouble when the deadline comes and I haven't finished the work

My first task starting out at this company was to add new cases to our terrifying 28 case behemoth of a switch statement used to determine which currency symbol to display, based on the language the user's browser is set to. I still feel dirty having to have fed that beast.

I hate what technology culture has become. It's all dictated by people who don't understand it. I've been programming since half these people were in nappies and they disgust me.

Nearly nothing has wasted more time in my career than Auto Layout.

I've taken a role as a tech lead. It means more work than ever. HOWEVER it also means I can stop Drupal from happening, so that's nice.