Coding Confessional

Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.


Anonymous Confessions from Programmers.

Ahh love the smell of corporate software production in the morning... people coming early with elegant uniforms. All pretending to be here, but really just clocking in, and then getting to their favourite social network, on phones and work computers. Then when the work starts, to accomplish the user stories that depend on other 7 corporate layers of ribons and burocreacy. People do what they are allowed to do, no more no less. While the PMs write bullshit FAQs and ¨mitigation¨ recovery plans. Work in the trenches continues, from the low functioning psychopaths to the high stress sociopath of the architect. All pretending to be nice people, while making things complex to feel intelligent, and getting a salary. Mmm luv it!

I found a way to speed up the stand up meeting: a silent but mortal rotten fart.

When I do pair programming I pretend that I have a slave who codes what I tell him to do.

Img_2388 Lots of things to do and I am just like

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My asshole-tolerance just got manager-proof.

I dedicated my free time to oss cuz I'm a lone nerd and have nothing else to do in my spare time.

We ordered mexican food for lunch today but they either forgot to order me food without cheese or the interns all grabbed it without realizing and/or thinking about it. So now I'm stuck here trying to pick the cheese off little bits of steak in my taco.

I don't understand why project managers are involved with Agile.

Me: I'd like a clean, empty database for each test. Maybe run each test in a transaction? Django: No. You cannot have that. Python Community: (drool)

I always do pair programming. I alternate between google and stackverflow.

I realized I'm not a programmer. I'm a refactorer. Even dealing with my own code.

I'm hiding on the toilets.

I got drunk and woke up to the best sex ever. I came like never before. Only to realize that it wasn't my bf fucking me.

Our manager stubbornly does the opposite of whatever suggestion we offer up to improve the situation with our project and general working conditions. As a last resort, me and another guy have started giving her bad advice, and by God she actually does the right thing, for the only reason that it's the opposite of our bad advice.

this is your life. you can't escape.

You know it's bad, when the Indian guy that barely speaks English says "We are like chickens with the heads cut off."

let the tests fail. they will grow up.

Wouldn't it be great to have sites like "teaching confessional", "parenting confessional" and "project managing confessional" and such...?

who else believes that we should make recruiters and managers use this app, to understand our frustration?

I use git branches as my todo list.

I use git branches as my todo list.

My job fucking sucks I thought I would be building cool projects instead I fucking fix bugs all day of some other boring ass shit.

I use git branches as my todo list.

Do PHP developers understand not everything needs to be in a fucking array . . . ? I read this entire thing instead of coding. :)